Here are 5 things God will often point out to you when someone is just pretending to be serious about you.
1. Someone Is Not Serious If They Spend Time with You Without Actually Pursuing You or Accepting Your Pursuit
Some men have the ability to make a woman feel like they are being pursued without actually pursuing her. And likewise, some women have the ability to make a man feel like she is accepting his pursuit even though she’s not.
When someone sends enough subtle signs, these add up to make you feel like big signs are present. However, when you take a step back and actually examine the facts, it’s clear when there is no verbalized romantic interest, no commitment of any sort, and an avoidance when talking about the future with you. Therefore, make sure you are obeying Romans 12:2, which will help you know what the Lord’s will really is.
Spending time together is a necessary step for real pursuit to occur, but just spending time together is not actually pursuing or accepting pursuit. Many people just spend a lot of time with other singles because they like the attention, they are trying to wear you down for a sexual experience, or they are just filling their time until they meet someone else they do want to date.
If you’re spending time with a man or woman for a few weeks or months without any commitment despite your efforts, it’s time to back away.
2. This Person Is Not Serious If They Are Just Verbally Pursuing You (or Accepting Your Pursuit) Without Actually Spending Time with You
Because of technology and the ability to communicate at deeper and deeper levels despite physical distance, we need to be careful we do not fall in love with someone we’ve never even physically met.
Years ago, that concept would be silly to even think about. Who would fall in love with someone they’ve never actually met? But now, because you can connect with people through video and stay in touch throughout the day by various methods, it’s quite easy to have strong feelings for someone you’ve never actually met.
I don’t think technology is all bad, but we do need to maintain a grasp on reality that emphasizes actually being present with someone before you consider yourself in a true relationship with them. Dating should be used to pursue marriage, and marriage requires the husband and wife to be together the majority of the time (1 Corinthians 7:5, Genesis 2:18, 24). So at some point, the dating relationship needs to be rooted in reality and not digital pixels.
Long-distance dating can work, but I believe it’s less realistic when you meet someone long-distance and then never see them. I believe it’s more realistic if you need to date someone you’ve already gotten to know in person or you are able to make semi-regular visits to physically see each other while you date long-distance. Meeting someone online is one thing, but a relationship that only exists online is not the goal.
3. This Person Is Not Serious If They Appear and Disappear Without Explanation
At times someone needs to take a break so they can mature or heal. Or maybe things are not that serious and someone gets really busy at work, so they need to take some time away before spending time with you again. While these situations are not ideal, it’s not a deal breaker if they communicate before disappearing.
It’s a much bigger issue when someone just randomly disappears when things seemed to be going well. If they then reappear and give you an explanation (i.e. make excuses), they still should have valued you enough to explain their absence before they disappeared, not after.
If you are going to try treat someone how you want to be treated (Luke 6:31), you have to make sure they are capable of the same standard if you are going to enter a romantic relationship with them.
The reality is, if they are serious about you, they won’t just randomly disappear and reappear like nothing happened.
4. This Person Is Not Serious About You If They Are Seeing Other People
It’s only wrong to go on dates with others when you are “dating” someone else, meaning you are an official couple who has expressed commitment to each other.
If you’re not in a dating relationship with someone, mature Christians can go on dates with different people when it’s clear for all parties involved that this is happening (Ephesians 4:15, Proverbs 4:23). Many serious relationships start in this non serious phase where people go on dates without being in a “dating” relationship.
If someone is treating you like you are something more to them, but they are still going on dates with other people, it’s clear they are not actually serious about you.
5. Someone Is Not Serious About You If They Are Silent About Their Relationship Commitment
Silence is an answer in and of itself. Whether it be the silence that occurs when you ask them about the relationship or it’s the silence that occurs because someone has moved on and is not talking to you anymore, their silence is their answer.
Ephesians 4:25, “Therefore, having put away falsehood, let each one of you speak the truth with his neighbor, for we are members one of another.”
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