5 Things Women Do to Send a Man a Signal that Do Not Work

Here are five common methods women use to get a man’s attention that simply do not work. I’ll also provide better alternatives to these ineffective methods.

1. Eye Contact and Smiling

Many women have been told that if they just hold eye contact a little longer or smile a little more, it’ll signal interest and spark pursuit. And while a brief glance might show friendliness, relying on “the look” to start a relationship usually leads nowhere.

The problem with this method is that it’s ambiguous. When a man thinks back, he often says, “No, you’re just kidding yourself. She wasn’t looking at you and smiling. It was probably just a random coincidence that you locked eyes with her.”

Additionally, while eye contact and smiling might work on a worldly man who is prone to approach women and hit on them, a godly man is usually not randomly approaching women. He tends to pursue women he knows because he’s interested in character and not just external beauty.

Not only that, but many men have been told how women feel like a piece of meat and don’t like it when some random dude comes up and hits on them. Also, when a man has misunderstood eye contact in the past, only to find out the woman was not interested, it’s extremely unlikely that he takes that risk again.

Proverbs 31:30 reminds us, “Charm is deceitful, and beauty is vain, but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised.”

A Better Way: Instead of relying on glances, seek to build bridges that allow you to have meaningful moments and conversations. Using words is way better than using body language, such as eye contact and smiles. A man of God is drawn to the fruits of the Spirit (Galatians 5:22-23) in a woman. Thus, he needs opportunities to see these qualities in you.

2. Mundane Interactions Mixed with Hidden Intentions

Some women try to start “accidental” or “casual” conversations to get a man’s attention — asking about his day, commenting on something small, or joining in group discussions, hoping he’ll notice. The issue is that the interactions remain mundane — polite and surface-level — while her heart secretly hopes for romance.

This often backfires. Why? Because men can’t read mixed motives. He may simply think you’re being friendly.

In relationships, God honors clarity and truth. Ephesians 4:25 says, “Therefore, having put away falsehood, let each one of you speak the truth with his neighbor.” If you want something meaningful, it must be built on openness, not subtlety.

While it’s good to try to create opportunities to speak and connect, just know that mundane interactions aren’t enough. If you can use those interactions to launch into something more meaningful, that’s good.

A Better Way: If you’re genuinely interested in someone, let your actions and communication be sincere. Don’t overthink every conversation. Be real, be joyful, and let the Lord orchestrate timing. A lot of women try to hide their feelings around the guy they like by treating him just like every other guy they interact with. This is a mistake. If you want him to treat you differently from how he’s treating other random women, it would be wise for you to treat him differently. If he senses you may like him because you show joy around him and ask him questions that go beyond mundane topics, this will give him the opportunity to decide if he should pursue you or not.

3. Subtle Changes in Appearance Around Him

Many women won’t say they like a man, but they’ll start dressing a little differently when he’s around — doing their hair a certain way, putting on a bit more makeup, or wearing outfits designed to subtly catch his attention. There’s nothing wrong with caring about your appearance, but using it to signal attraction usually doesn’t work.

Why? Because most men won’t understand your intentionality. He will have no idea you are doing this because you like him. While you should seek to put your best foot forward, little appearance changes are not a signal to him that you would like to get to know him more.

1 Peter 3:3–4 says, “Do not let your adorning be external—the braiding of hair, the wearing of gold, or the putting on of clothing—but let your adorning be the hidden person of the heart with the imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit.”

A Better Way: Don’t dress in a way that you think will get his attention. Dress in a way that makes you feel beautiful and that you are expressing the inner beauty Christ has given you. Your outward appearance should reflect the character you have. When you feel good about yourself, this will transfer to the way you interact with others. The best thing you can do is be yourself around the guy you like. Thus, present yourself in the way that you feel best about, because that will help you be genuine around him.

4. General Invitations

By a “general invitation,” I mean one of two things. First, it’s a general invite when you have included him along with many others. If you’ve invited lots of friends and him, particularly if you’ve invited other guys, he will not assume you are sending a signal. The other form of a “general invitation” is when you say something vague like, “Oh, that would be awesome, we should all do that sometime,” or “You should visit my church sometime. I think you would like it.”

This can lead to disappointment, because the man may not pursue simply because he doesn’t realize he’s being “invited in.” Godly men prefer clarity. If you like him, it’s okay to show interest in ways that are honest and mature (Ruth 3:9).

A Better Way: If you really want to invite his pursuit, invite him to spend time with you in a more intentional way. Invite him to a specific event with a real time and place. Invite him specifically without inviting a lot of people. This is not asking him on a date. It’s giving him the opportunity to get to know you. If he’s interested, he will take you up on it and he should then take the lead and pursue you.

5. Avoiding Him

Finally, some women take the opposite route — they try to get a man’s attention by withdrawing from him. They think, “If I ignore him or act uninterested, he’ll wonder about me and chase me.” That might work in worldly dating games, but it fails in godly relationships.

A mature Christian man isn’t attracted to mystery games. He’s attracted to honesty, peace, and authenticity. If you seem cold or unavailable, he’ll simply assume you’re not interested — and he’ll respect that boundary. Avoidance may protect your pride, but it can also close the door to something God may want to open.

Romans 12:9 says, “Let love be genuine. Abhor what is evil; hold fast to what is good.” Genuine love and friendship don’t play emotional hide-and-seek.

A Better Way: Instead of withdrawing, practice wise openness. You don’t have to chase him — just don’t block the connection out of fear or pride. Be kind, be yourself, and trust that if God wills for this relationship to happen, you won’t have to play worldly games to manipulate it into existence.

Closing Thoughts: God Doesn’t Need You to Play Games

At the root of all these failed “signals” is the same struggle: fear. Fear of rejection. Fear of vulnerability. Fear that God won’t come through. But when you walk in faith, you don’t need to manipulate moments or craft secret signals.

Psalm 37:4-5 gives the ultimate answer, “Delight yourself in the Lord, and he will give you the desires of your heart. Commit your way to the Lord; trust in him, and he will act.”

If you want more information on how to invite a man’s pursuit without pursuing him, my newest book is for you. It’s called Invite Him: 16 Rules from Ruth to Help Your Future Husband Find You.