While many Christians have been taught that it’s the man’s job to pursue the woman (which is true), far less have been taught the equally important truth that it’s the woman’s job to invite the man to pursue.
This is actually a big theme I unpack throughout my new book called Christ-Centered Dating: Pursuing a Relationship that Glorifies God. For those of you interested in this book, I also wanted to mention that I’m giving a free bonus course to everyone who purchases it before February 17th (11:59pm).
More information about this new book and this bonus course can be found at the end of this article.
1. Understand the Difference Between Pursuing and Inviting
One reason Christian single women struggle to be inviting towards a man is because they don’t know if this concept is biblical. To many, it sounds too much like pursuing a man. But when you really study the Scriptures on this topic, it becomes very clear that a woman should be inviting towards a man that she wants to pursue her and that this is very biblical to do.
This is a big topic, so I won’t be able to do it justice in this short point here. But perhaps the best way to see that a woman should be inviting towards a man is to unpack why a man should pursue a woman.
The main reason a man should pursue a woman is because a husband should lead his wife as he reflects the sacrificial leadership of Christ towards his church (Ephesians 5:25). Thus, it’s a wise application of marriage principles to the dating season for a man to pursue. This shows he’s going to have the qualities as a husband to keep pursuing and loving his wife.
With that said, if we are going to apply the biblical principles about a husband to the dating season, we have to also apply the biblical principles of a wife (Ephesians 5:22-24, 31-33) to the dating season. It’s insulting and unbiblical to think a wife does nothing in the marriage but mindlessly follow her husband’s lead. Just as the church is called to love and support the work of Christ, so too is the wife an active partner in the marriage relationship.
Therefore, to reflect the principles of a wife in the dating season, a woman should be expressing the inviting, supporting nature that she should be exhibiting in her future marriage one day. It doesn’t accurately reflect the heart a wife for a single woman to just sit and wait for the man to do everything.
A wife should be inviting her husband to pursue just like the church invites Jesus to keep pursuing us. Jesus does it and initiates it, thus a husband should do the same with his wife. But the church must keep inviting Jesus to keep pursuing, thus a wife should do the same towards her husband. So if you’re going to apply marriage principles to dating, you have to be consistent.
So much more can be said about this big topic. But as a woman, it’s important for you to study this topic for yourself in Scripture so you are biblically convinced it is truly your role to be inviting towards a man and this is actually what God wants you to do as a Scripture saturated woman.
2. Give Him Your Attention
So how can you actually be inviting towards a man? Inviting is different than pursuing because pursuing means you are consistently the one initiating and being the cause to the effects that occur in the relationships. Inviting, however, is simply appealing to his initiation. It’s like a delicious piece of fruit calling out to your hunger. You have to initiate by picking up the fruit and eating it. But the beauty and sight of that fruit invited and aroused you to do so.
Of course I’m not talking about a woman trying to sexually arouse a man. Rather, I’m talking about getting his attention; and the best way to get a man’s attention is to give him your attention.
It’s like being a dark room and then seeing a light. Your eye is naturally drawn to that light. A woman radiates beauty like a flashlight radiates light (1 Peter 3:4). When you shine a flashlight at someone, they look at that light. Likewise, as a woman, when you point your beauty towards a man and he senses your attention, oftentimes he will be drawn towards you.
So you really don’t have to do anything fancy or complicated to be inviting. All you need to do is not ignore him when he’s around. Give him more attention than you do to other single men. If he’s interested in you, he will sense this and he will pursue you.
3. Respond Positively When He Does Pursue You
There’s been such an emphasis on men pursuing women, women often forget what they should do when a man does pursue. You have to remember that as a man, it’s not easy to pursue. They are the ones who have to work up the courage and make their intentions known. Thus, they are the ones who have to directly confront their fear of rejection.
Yes, women have to face their fear of rejection too. But pursuing is a much bolder act than inviting, thus the obviousness of the rejection when it occurs to a man who is pursuing is much more severe than for a woman who is being subtly inviting.
All that to say, when a man does make any effort to pursue you, if you want him to pursue you again, you have to positively reward his first efforts. The best way you can do this is by responding with the same energy that he is giving. Match his level of effort and interest. If he texts you, text him back just as much. If he invites you to things, invite him to things. If he finds you and sits by you at public events, find him and sit by him at public events.
The better his experience of pursuing you, the more likely he keeps pursuing you and increases his efforts (Proverbs 31:27-29).
4. Appreciate His Strength and Masculine Qualities
Women like men who make them feel feminine. Likewise, men like women who make them feel masculine. This is why it’s always a big mistake for people to try to be more feminine or masculine if that is not what they truly are. Not only are you forsaking your God-given gender, but you are also becoming less attractive to the opposite gender.
There are a lot of biblical differences between men and women. But perhaps the easiest way to show the differences is with two words: beauty and strength. I’m not talking about physical beauty or physical strength. Rather, I’m talking about the deep inner beauty that women possess when they are walking in their Christian identity and the deep strength men possess when they are walking in their Christian identity.
In short, men pursue women who make them feel strong. And the way you can make a man feel strong is simply by being a true woman around him. Like two complimentary colors that contrast each other, when paired together, the different colors heighten the color of the other and make the whole picture more beautiful. Likewise, a masculine man will pursue a feminine woman because he likes when her femininity heightens his masculinity. Together, their genders complement and enhance each other
For example, when you read through 1 Peter 3:1-6, Peter tells wives that there is a direct impact on their husbands “when they see your respectful and pure conduct.” Through your Christ-like adorning, this influences and benefits the man.
5. Showing Him What You Could Be in His Life
A strong man doesn’t need a woman in the sense that he will not succeed in his career or calling without her. He doesn’t need her in the sense that he will always be unhappy in his singleness.
Rather, he needs a woman in the sense that she alone can bring certain things into his life. He knows a woman offers things only a woman can offer. In that sense, he “needs” her. So if you want a man to pursue you, you have to show him that his life would be better with you than without you. And the way you do this is not by offering masculine giftings; he has that himself. Rather, you have to be feminine towards him because he can’t have feminine giftings in his life without a woman. Model your beauty after 1 Peter 3:1-6.
Being a beautiful woman has nothing to do with being introverted or extroverted. Being a beautiful woman in the eyes of a man is about expressing a desire to submit to him in marriage, which is you saying you believe he is worthy to be followed. It’s about your inner character expressing itself through your external choices. And it’s about supporting a man in the calling God has given him.
If you add value to his life in a way that only a woman can, he will pursue you and want you to be a part of his life.
If you are a Christian single person who not only wants to be married one day but rather you want to be in a glorifying marriage one day, I wrote this book for you. It’s called Christ-Centered Dating: Pursuing a Relationship that Glorifies God. The book is divided into three sections:
- Section 1 is about preparing to be in a relationship before you meet someone.
- Section 2 is about how to meet someone and get into a relationship with them.
- Section 3 is about actually dating someone in a way that helps you know if you should or should not get married.
This book will always be available if you purchase it at a later date. But for those of you who purchase this book before February 17th (11:59pm), I’m also giving you a full course from AGW University called 10 Steps to Meet The One. This course has ten, in-depth video sessions and all the content is in writing too.
If you’re interested in my new book and this bonus course, here’s the steps to take:
Step 1: Before 2/17/2023 (11:59pm), purchase Christ-Centered Dating on Amazon in any format (paperback, eBook, audiobook) by clicking here: https://amzn.to/3Hc50Mv
Step 2: Email your proof of purchase to here: firstname.lastname@example.org
(You can simply forward your Amazon receipt/confirmation email to the above email. Or you can also take a screenshot of the receipt/confirmation and send it to the above email.)
Step 3: Within 24 hours, once your proof of purchase has been verified, you will receive an email with the 100% off scholarship code for the free bonus course (along with the link to enroll in the course).
Step 4: Enroll in the course, 10 Steps to Meet The One. At check out, use your scholarship code. The course can also be found here: https://agwuniversity.teachable.com/p/10-steps-to-meet-the-one
Step 5: Enjoy the book and free bonus course! And if you find the book helpful, it would be a big blessing to me if you could leave a review on Amazon. This helps other people feel more comfortable purchasing the book and learning the important truths inside of it.
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