Our thoughts direct our actions, and our actions direct our lives. Thus, to follow God’s path and reject Satan’s desires for us, we must make sure our thoughts are biblical.
This principle directly relates to Christian singles who want to glorify the Lord in marriage one day. Therefore, here are five thoughts Satan uses to keep you away from your future spouse.
1. I Already Blew My Chance with The One
Oftentimes, when you have the thought, “I know that person is my future spouse,” this actually pleases Satan. Even if you think God is the one who told you that someone would eventually become your future spouse, it’s very likely that thought may actually be coming from Satan. Why? Because when you think you know the future, oftentimes you are less likely to follow God in the present.
In other words, if Satan can get you to believe that someone is your future spouse who is not actually your future spouse, he knows this will prevent you from actually connecting with the person God does have planned for you to marry one day. You’ll also be more willing to overlook the warning signs God is sending because you think you already know God’s will.
One difference between God actually revealing your future spouse to you compared to Satan lying about who your future spouse will be is that God will reveal this to you through biblical evidence seen in actions, while Satan will try to convince you through emotions and wishful thinking.
God works through wisdom and clarity. Satan works through emotional highs and confusion (1 Peter 5:8).
2. I Wish It Wasn’t True, But God Has Called Me to Singleness
So many Christian singles are living in unnecessary bondage because they have come to believe an unbiblical idea that singleness is more pleasing to God than marriage is.
They often come to believe this when Satan tempts them to take verses like 1 Corinthians 7:38 out of context. It states, “So then he who marries his betrothed does well, and he who refrains from marriage will do even better.” In isolation, this verse seems pretty clear. But it’s never right to view all of Scripture through the lens of one verse. Rather, we need to view each verse through the lens of all of Scripture.
In the context of 1 Corinthians 7 and the whole of Scripture, Paul was actually stating that it is best to focus on God above all things. 1 Corinthians 7:38 was stated in the context of how singleness can be used by some people to focus more on God. However, throughout 1 Corinthians 7, Paul also said that not everyone had the gift of singleness (1 Corinthians 7:7). Thus, for some, it would be better to marry (1 Corinthians 7:9, 36).
Paul also said in 1 Corinthians 7:29, “From now on, let those who have wives live as though they had none . . .” But in 1 Corinthians 7:3-5, Paul told husbands and wives not to neglect each other. And in Ephesians 5:22-33, Paul told spouses how to honor each other. Paul isn’t contradicting himself. Again, the context is key. Paul said spouses should live as though they had none because he was saying that all should live with a full devotion to God, just like someone would if they had the biblical gift of singleness (1 Corinthians 7:35).
So big picture, Paul was not saying singleness is better than marriage for all people. Rather, each person should choose singleness or marriage based on which one would help them focus on God the most.
Thus, if you want to be married and you feel it would help you focus on God, God wants you to be married. Marriage is good and created by God (Genesis 2:18, Proverbs 18:22, Ephesians 5:33). Satan wants you to feel guilty about wanting marriage because he wants to prevent godly marriages from forming. He knows if you feel guilty about this desire, you are less likely to pursue it.
3. I’ve Already Tried Everything to Meet Someone. Nothing Works for Me
Galatians 6:9 states, “And let us not grow weary of doing good, for in due season we will reap, if we do not give up.” Satan wants you to give up and stop doing good so you will never reap the blessings God wants to give you.
This principle applies to getting married, too. The fact is, meeting, dating, and marrying the person God has for you is not a magical process that happens randomly. While God must certainly bless our efforts and sovereignly open the right doors at the right time, this does not mean we are free to live unwisely and passively while still expecting to receive the blessings we want.
When you try something and you don’t get the results you want, Satan wants you to give up trying at all. This will keep you from marriage. Keep going. Keep doing wise things, no matter how often they don’t work. Keep being social, keep meeting new people, keep learning, keep trying new things.
Wisdom isn’t about doing formulas that always result in exact outcomes. Rather, wisdom is about living from principles that usually result in good outcomes if we keep doing them.
4. I’m Not Attractive Enough
I’m not saying everyone will get married or that there is a soulmate for everyone. While I believe God sovereignly pairs you with someone if you are called to marriage (Romans 8:28, Ephesians 1:11), I don’t believe there is a person who will complete you in a perfect way.
How you view yourself will be how others view you, too. The fact is, there really is someone for everyone when it comes to attraction and compatibility. But if you believe you are unworthy of love and that there is no one out there who could love you, then you will block your person from you, which is what Satan wants.
The point is, throughout human history, people of all shapes, sizes, and appearances have gotten married. Thus, it’s a lie from Satan to say that anyone is not attractive enough to get married.
5. I’m Trying Too Hard or I’m Not Trying Hard Enough
Some people are trying too hard to meet their future spouse, and some people are not trying hard enough. There’s no one-size-fits-all approach. Usually, we are off track when we are living in extremes. If you are always trying to date everyone you meet, you’re probably trying too hard. If you’re always avoiding relationships and never open to other singles, you’re probably too closed off.
Thus, if you sense an imbalance in your efforts, Satan is probably using this to keep you single. Walk with the Spirit (Galatians 5:25). Spend time with him in prayer, asking him to guide your efforts so you don’t try too hard and so you don’t live too passively.
If you’re a Christian single woman who wants to be pursued into marriage by a godly man, my newest book is for you. It’s called Invite Him: 16 Rules from Ruth to Help Your Future Husband Find You.
