Today we’re going to be reviewing a viral TikTok video of a wife complaining to her husband about blue toilet water. Her comments really struck a chord with a lot of people in a very negative way. We will discuss why the internet has had this type of reaction to her.
Additionally, throughout this article, I’ll be talking to single Christian men who are looking for a godly wife. So guys, let’s not make this about shaming this individual woman. There’s no point to say mean things about her. Please do not visit her page on TikTok and comment needless things.
Rather, let’s review what she said, look at the Scriptures, and see what we can learn as men to avoid unhealthy relationship dynamics with women. The question I’m really trying to help you answer is, “How can you avoid marrying a woman who loves to complain?”
After reviewing this video and applying the Scriptures, I believe we can see at least 5 traits to look for in a woman to know if she will be a complaining wife if you were to marry her.
Point 1: A Woman Who Likes to Bring Other People Into an Argument Will Be a Complaining Wife
A woman who goes to the internet to tell the world about an inhouse argument is asking for trouble. This wasn’t a teaching moment like, “Hey, my husband and I had a huge argument about something silly. Here’s something I learned that might benefit you.” Rather, this seems to be her looking for people to tell her she was right and he was wrong.
Some women don’t go to the internet but they do tell a bunch of friends and family about every little thing happening in your relationship. If a woman reacts like this when you two have a disagreement, that is a big red flag. Relationships are hard enough between two people. Your life will only be that much harder if you choose to be with a woman who wants to involve a bunch of other people in your conversations and disagreements.
Proverbs 26:20-21, “For lack of wood the fire goes out, and where there is no whisperer, quarreling ceases. As charcoal to hot embers and wood to fire, so is a quarrelsome man for kindling strife.”
This video provides a behind the scenes look of how many women act when they are talking to their girlfriends. However, she got such a bad reaction because she wasn’t just talking to her friends. She brought this “girl talk” to the internet. Sadly, what she is showing here is very normal behavior that is encouraged when complaining women get together.
They like to talk about an issue they are having with a man and then they want their girlfriends to validate their feelings and confirm that they are right. It seems that that’s what she’s trying here because it feels like she was trying to lead the audience to tell her what she wanted to hear. She said, “You tell me if I’m overreacting because I really don’t think I am.”
So the take away for you as a Christian single man looking for a wife who won’t drive you crazy with complaining is to see if this woman can keep your little spats between you two or if she needs to tell a bunch of people to so she can feel more right in her position.
This is a great reminder for all of us not to engage in other’s people’s gossip. If they really want counsel, that’s one thing. But as Christians, we should avoid pointless complaining and mingling in other people’s business. Proverbs 26:17, “Whoever meddles in a quarrel not his own is like one who takes a passing dog by the ears.”
Point 2: Complainers Will Never Be Satisfied. No Matter What, They Will Always Find Something to Complain About
I think another reason this woman has received such a negative reaction online is because how she set all of this up. She first talks about how she travels a lot for work and when she comes home, the house is immaculate. She says how great her husband is. However, she then jumps right into a complaint about the color of the toilet water.
This was triggering for the internet because she’s showing everyone that this man cannot win. No matter what he does, it feels like she’s going to find something to complain about. It’s not that the toilet was dirty and nasty like many men keep a toilet. (I know you keep your toilet clean. But we all know those dudes who pee all over the rim and then just cover it up with the seat. Nasty!) No, it was that he was trying to keep it clean in a way that she found distasteful.
The takeaway for you as a man is that a woman who is a true complainer will always find something to complain about. You can never appease a woman like that. You have to realize there are people like this; otherwise, you might wrongly believe you can make someone happy who will never be happy. Look at what Jesus said in Matthew 11:16-19 (NLT), which states:
To what can I compare this generation? It is like children playing a game in the public square. They complain to their friends, ‘We played wedding songs, and you didn’t dance, so we played funeral songs, and you didn’t mourn.’ For John didn’t spend his time eating and drinking, and you say, ‘He’s possessed by a demon.’ The Son of Man, on the other hand, feasts and drinks, and you say, ‘He’s a glutton and a drunkard, and a friend of tax collectors and other sinners!’ But wisdom is shown to be right by its results.”
To be clear, no one, man or woman, is going to be perfect in this area. We all struggle with complaining from time to time. We then repent and try to do better. But that is different than someone who is a complainer and doesn’t repent. We must all seek to obey Philippians 2:14-15 (NLT), which says:
Do everything without complaining and arguing, so that no one can criticize you. Live clean, innocent lives as children of God, shining like bright lights in a world full of crooked and perverse people.”
Point 3: Complainers Try to Wear You Down to Get Their Way
Drip, drip, drip, drip. According to the Bible, that’s what a complaining wife is like (Proverbs 27:15-16). They just won’t stop.
Her husband sounds like a reasonable guy who wants to make his wife happy. I think the reason he didn’t just change the blue water filter was because of how she was asking. She instantly demanded it and put a lot of emotions into it. For him to go and change it right away after her dramatic complaints would have been even more emasculating.
However, imagine if she said something like this, “Honey, thank you so much for cleaning the house. You always do such a great job of taking care of things while I’m gone. You do the laundry, and the kitchen looks awesome. I really appreciate everything you do. But I want to be honest, I really don’t like the blue water in the toilets. I know it’s not a big deal, but for some reason it really bothers me. Is there any chance we could get rid of it and just have clear water again?” I think her husband probably would have laughed and given her a hard time in fun and then just changed them.
Instead, this woman had to take the hard rout. She immediately went to complaining, which made him dig his heals in for a month until he couldn’t take her nagging anymore. It’s really not a big deal if she hates the blue toiler water. The issue is how she handled this issue.
So the tip for you single guys out there is not that you should look for a woman who doesn’t have preferences or just always goes along with everything. Rather, look for a woman who can be kind and grateful while still expressing her personal desires to you. Proverbs 15:1 and 4 states, “A soft answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger . . . A gentle tongue is a tree of life, but perverseness in it breaks the spirit.”
Point 4: If a Woman Is Desperate for Attention, She Will Become a Complaining Wife
You can kind of tell from the giggle when she said, “Nick, I can’t live like this anymore. I cannot live with the blue toilet water,” that she knows she’s being ridiculous. So why can’t she let it go?
Now I certainly don’t know her heart, so I’m not saying this is definitely true of this specific woman. However, some women do this type of thing because they use complaining as a twisted way of feeling loved and valued. Wanting to feel loved and valued is good, but some women go about this in a sinful way. Oftentimes, the nagging is about a deep emptiness in themselves that they are trying to solve through getting a man’s attention, even if it’s negative attention. In a messed-up way, through their complaints, it’s like they are asking, “Do you really care for me?”
It seems like she wasn’t going to let it go until her husband snapped. If felt like she wanted him to get emotional about her emotions so that she could feel some twisted version of his care for her. All that to say, I do believe there is a direct link between complainers and people who feel empty inside and want people to make them feel better.
This is not a woman problem. This is a human problem. Notice what Proverbs 15:21 (NLT) says, “Foolishness brings joy to those with no sense; a sensible person stays on the right path.” In sin and brokenness, there can be a twisted satisfaction in complaining and starting fights with people. Even if it’s bad attention, it’s still attention; and empty people will try to get attention at any cost.
The only solution is Jesus. Without Jesus filling our hearts, we will go to other people in twisted ways to get their attention by any means necessary (Philippians 4:10-13). Therefore, as a man looking for a wife who won’t be a constant complainer, you really need to look for a woman who has learned how to be content in the Lord first and foremost. If she needs your attention to solve some identity issue in her, she will never be happy.
Point 5: Complainers Will Change. They Won’t Get Better. They Just Keep Getting Worse
Of course, through Christ, we can all change and repent of our sins. That’s the hope the gospel offers (Ephesians 2:3-5). However, without Christ, a complainer will not get better. They will always get worse.
Her husband claimed she’s changed so much. She probably has changed, but usually there are indicators of how a woman will change if you are wise enough to see them early on. A woman who complains about small things early on will not get better the more you do for her. Usually, she will just get worse, complaining more and more over the years (2 Timothy 3:13).
Here’s another reaction video I did of a wife on TikTok explaining why she almost divorced her husband when he didn’t clean a baby bottle: 12 Differences Between Godly Women and Worldly Women.
