What does a Christian man find attractive in a woman? What type of woman does a Christian man want to be with? What is a Christian man looking for in a Christian wife?
To begin, we have to first define what we mean by attraction. I certainly don’t mean sexual attraction or lustful desires. I’m not talking about hairstyles and clothing choices. When I say “attraction” I mean “what is a Christian man drawn to?” To attract means to draw something towards you. So another way to ask this question is to say, “What type of woman will most Christian men want to pursue?”
Obviously each Christian man is unique and will be attracted to a certain woman based upon his own preferences. Romantic relationships are supposed to be subjective. Christians are not commanded to be married, but they are given the option to pursue marriage if they want to. So of course, any list about a man being attracted to a woman will be debatable and subjective.
With that said, most Christian men will be attracted to a Christian woman with these 6 qualities.
- A Man Will Want to Pursue a Woman Who Is Secure with Herself Because She Is Rooted in Christ
Men often seek their identity from women, and women often seek their identity from men. So this is not an issue specific to women. But what affect does being insecure with yourself have in the context of a man wanting to pursue you?
A woman who is insecure will not be attractive to a Christian man because he will sense her constant doubt but he will not know where it is coming from. He may interpret it as her doubting her interest in him. Or he may sense her trying to find her identity in him and this will scare him a way. A Christian man knows he is not Christ and will often be scared away from a woman who is elevating him too high.
A man who is truly walking with Christ does not want a woman to worship him. He wants a woman who will be by his side as they worship God together and as they both find their identity in Christ first and foremost (2 Corinthians 5:17).
- A Respectful Christian Woman Is Attractive to a Christian Man
Respect is one of the most misunderstood words in the Bible. A husband and wife are both called to respect one another, however, the way a man craves respect is different than what a woman craves. A man and woman both need love but they receive love differently. The way a man receives love is by being respected.
When we are single, we all look at someone of the opposite sex and try to imagine what life would be like with them. If a man imagines being disrespected by a woman in their marriage, he will not get to know her in dating. A respectful Christian woman is not a quiet woman, an un-opinionated woman, or a woman eager for a man to make decisions for her. Rather, a respectful Christian woman is someone who values a man’s strength and wants to encourage him to use it in Christian leadership, service, and for the protection of others.
A Christian man doesn’t want a woman who is helpless. But he is also unattracted to a woman who will not allow him to use his strength to serve her in humble leadership. Proverbs 11:22 states, “Like a gold ring in a pig’s snout is a beautiful woman without discretion.”
In other words, it doesn’t matter how physically stunning a woman is, if she disrespects a man he will absolutely not be attracted to her.
- A Christian Man Is Attracted to An Outward Beauty Expressed Through Modesty Rooted in Inner Character
A Christian guy who is mature in the Lord is not going to want to date a woman who dresses sexy and in a way that purposefully insights passion in a man’s eyes. Of course men are responsible for not lusting after a woman’s body regardless of what she is wearing, but let’s not pretend there are not appearance choices a woman can make which she knows will arouse a man visually.
Rather than be attracted to a woman who does this, a Christian man will actually try to stay away from an immodest woman if he is trying to obey the word of God:
Proverbs 6:25, “Do not lust in your heart after her beauty or let her captivate you with her eyes.”
Proverbs 5:3-5 “For the lips of the adulterous woman drip honey, and her speech is smoother than oil; but in the end she is bitter as gall, sharp as a double-edged sword. Her feet go down to death; her steps lead straight to the grave.
Again, “to be attracted to” means to be drawn in. A Christian man finds a modest woman attractive because biblically he knows it is safer to get to know her than a seductive woman. A Christian man will actually be pushed away from a seductive woman because he knows God has called him to flee sexual passions outside of marriage.
1 Corinthians 6:18, “Flee from sexual immorality.”
Genesis 39:10-12, “And though she spoke to Joseph day after day, he refused to go to bed with her or even be with her. One day he went into the house to attend to his duties, and none of the household servants was inside. She caught him by his cloak and said, “Come to bed with me!” But he left his cloak in her hand and ran out of the house.”
A godly Christian man will act like Joseph around a woman who has a seductive vibe around her. For more on this, you may enjoy What Does the Bible Say About Modesty and Women’s Clothing?
- A Christian Man Is Attracted to an Emotionally Predictable Woman
It’s okay to be emotional. It’s okay to be sensitive. It’s okay to have certain buttons that should not be pushed. What’s going to be a huge turn off is when you are totally unpredictable. Most men are completely fine if a woman is emotional. He just can’t stand being around an emotional woman who acts differently every day.
If your emotional buttons completely change all the time, that’s going to keep guys a way. If you don’t want him to pull your chair out for you because that feels demeaning to you, that’s fine. No issue there. But if you then get mad at him for not opening the car door, that’s going to drive him nuts because you are being inconsistent. A guy just wants to know where he stands. Men like patterns. We want things to make sense. We like to figure things out. Now of course no man will ever fully understand a woman because we are different. But he has to at least know what to expect a little bit or he will just avoid you.
Now granted, all humans are emotionally unstable sometimes. Guys and girls included. However, if you are unstable all the time and are constantly coming up with new ways to be offended or cause drama, this is going to push guys away. Proverbs 21:9 states, “It is better to live in a corner of the housetop than in a house shared with a quarrelsome wife.”
- An Inviting Christian Woman Is Very Attractive to a Christian Man
There are so many more qualities we could list, but perhaps one of the most attractive qualities to a Christian man is being inviting. A Christian man knows he is called to pursue a woman in dating and lead her in marriage.
But if a Christian man is being honest, he has his own fears of being rejected just like anyone else. No man wants to pursue a woman and be turned down. And no husband wants to try to lead his wife only to be shamed for trying or totally disrespected in the process. While no Christian man should want all the risk to be taken out of his pursuit, he will not pursue a woman if he does not sense an inviting presence around her.
When I say “inviting” I mean she is open to being pursued. She reciprocates the effort the man is putting in. She is not playing games and sending mixed signals. She is encouraging to him and clearly communicates her willingness to get to know him more and interact with him. If a guy does not sense she is open to his pursuit, he will eventually stop the pursuit.
- A Christian Man Is Attracted to a Woman Who Has A Genuine Relationship with God Rooted in Truth
If a man is truly following God himself, his first requirement for being interested in a woman will be her walk with God. If a man truly loves God, he will not compromise his devotion to the Lord by linking up with someone who does not share his passion for Christ.
Proverbs 31:30-31 says, “Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting; but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised. Honor her for all that her hands have done, and let her works bring her praise at the city gate.”
A Christian man looks ahead into the future and knows physical beauty always fades. A wise man knows he will be old one day and so will his wife. If he only married her for shallow reasons, their relationship will get worse and worse the older they get. But a Christian man wants a life partner to grow old with, so he will not pursue a woman just because of her physical beauty.
A Christian man will want to be physically attracted to a woman, but he will not pursue her if that’s all there is between them.
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