Romans 12:9
What if you could avoid a bad relationship before it even started? What if you didn’t need to get deeply emotionally attached to someone and then have to go through months of healing so you can move on?
Here are 7 early warning signs God is telling you that someone is just not right for you.
1. If They Are Still Playing Dating Games
Perhaps the most famous Bible passage on love is found in 1 Corinthians 13. However, notice what Paul states 1 Corinthians 13:11, “When I was a child, I spoke like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I gave up childish ways.”
If you want true love in the future, it’s not going to happen if someone is still acting like a child in the present. Love must grow. It has to be built on a firm foundation.
If a man or woman is playing silly dating games – waiting days to text you back, acting interested and then not interested, saying odd things they’ve heard from worldly dating gurus – this is a sign they are not the right person for you.
2. If They Want to Be an Online Romancer Rather than a Real Person in a Real Relationship
I’m not totally against online dating. It’s simply a tool that can be used for those who lack options in meeting people face to face. I’ve seen it work for many Christians who are now in healthy, godly marriages.
However, like anything else in life, there are negatives that come along with the positives. One negative is that you will interact with people who are not really interested in forming a real relationship but rather they are just online to get an emotional high from virtually interacting with people romantically.
Online dating must be used to form a face-to-face relationship. If you’re just forming an online relationship that will forever remain online, this is a waste of time and this is not the person God wants you to be with.
Romans 12:9, “Let love be genuine.” You can’t have genuine love with a digital image online.
3. If They Treat You Like They Treat Everyone Else
Many Christians think they should do their best to treat the person they like in the same way they treat everyone. As Christians, we worry about having false motives and thus we feel the best way to have pure motives is to treat everyone the same, including the person that we like romantically.
This is an immature view of biblical romance. The whole point of marriage is that a husband and wife will treat each other in a way that they don’t treat anyone else (Proverbs 31:29, Song of Solomon 2:3, Song of Solomon 4:9, Hebrews 13:4). Therefore, if someone is not willing to do that with you, it means they are not willing to head down a biblical relationship road with you.
So if someone treats you like a friend just like they treat everyone, they are not interested enough in you. And if someone flirts with you and shows romantic interest in you but they are doing that to other people too, they are not interested enough in you either.
When you meet the right person, you two will be willing to treat each other differently than you are treating everyone else.
4. If They Are “Minoring on the Majors” and “Majoring on the Minors”
It’s true that there are many important things to consider when choosing a relationship partner. But it’s also true that there are more important things and less important things.
For example, Ruth and Boaz are often thought of as the ideal couple. But there were many minor issues that could have become major issues. For example, Ruth was not Jewish by birth, she was a widow, she was poor and Boaz was wealthy, Boaz and her had an age gap, and there was someone before Boaz who could have been her Redeemer (Ruth 3). These were issues, but as we see by reading the whole story, Boaz and Ruth still got married and were blessed.
Likewise, sometimes there are major issues that must not be overlooked. But there will always be minor issues in every relationship that need to be overlooked. When God reveals the right person to you, you both will be able to avoid “minoring on the majors” and “majoring on the minors”
5. If They Won’t Repent of the “Too Much Too Soon” Symptoms of Infatuation
Everyone struggles with infatuation in romantic relationships to some degree. In love, the Holy Spirit will convict us of this sin and help us repent so we can see each other in mature, realistic ways.
However, some people won’t repent of this and they will keep living in infatuation rather than maturing into giving healthy respect, admiration, and realistic expectations.
If someone is saying too much or doing too much too soon even after you expressed your concerns, it’s best that you move on sooner rather than later because this excessive excitement will just as quickly turn into excessive disappointment.
No one can live up to the idols we create of each other in our own minds. If someone is unwilling to view you as a real person with real flaws (Romans 3:23), they are not the right person for you.
6. If They Are a Brick Wall of Emotional Deadness
On the opposite end of the spectrum to the person who won’t repent of infatuation is the person who is so pessimistic about love that they are unwilling to open up to you at all.
No one is perfect. So it’s perfectly normal and loving to give someone extra time who just needs to move a little slower in romance due to past trauma or internal fears.
However, there are some people who are not far enough on their healing journey. They will want to be in a relationship, but they will also not open up to you because they are still being mastered by their fears and past experiences.
It’s sad, but you have to accept this relationship is not going to work. For love to blossom, you both will need to risk and open up to each other in healthy ways when the time is right (Galatians 6:2).
7. Prophetically Proclaiming Things About Your Future Together
Sometimes this behavior can be coming out of a good place, as though it’s a step of faith; but it’s a sign of immaturity if someone tells you that God is going to put you two together before you two have any real relationship evidence that this is the case.
Even if God does say that to someone, it’s not loving for them to say that to you. It’s actually a form of manipulation because now they are putting pressure on you to act like God is the one directing this relationship when in fact it could just be this person’s own wishful thinking.
The fact is, never depend on someone else to tell you what God is saying about your life. You are responsible for your own life. If God wants you with someone, he will reveal that to you in his timing and to you directly.
Of course he will use other people to help direct us (Proverbs 15:22), but we have one mediator between us and God – Jesus Christ (1 Timothy 2:5, Jeremiah 31:33-34). This person is acting like your savior if they are trying to act like your mediator with God. That’s not healthy behavior.
For more on this topic you may want to read my article Why Did a Prophetic Word About a Relationship Not Come True?
Click here to learn about the Christ-Centered Dating Bonus Material.
