James 1:5
Obviously the Bible is not full of pickup lines and dating strategies. But the Bible does call us to live wisely and do things in ways that are loving and bring glory to God.
So I won’t be adding a Bible verse to each of these points like I do in most of my videos because this is a more subjective topic. But I believe a good overarching biblical principle for this article can be found in James 1:5, “If any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask God, who gives generously to all without reproach, and it will be given him.”
Notice that this verse does not put limits on what type of wisdom we are to ask God for. It just says if you lack wisdom, ask God to help you. To “reproach” means to reprimand or criticize. God won’t do that if you ask him for wisdom, no matter what type of questions you ask him. While there are certainly many more important things in life besides knowing how to interact with someone that you like, we must also remember our God is our loving Father who cares about the details of our lives. So even when it comes to liking someone and learning how to best interact with them, he wants you to ask him about this.
With that in mind, here are 9 things I believe you should never say to a Christian that you like because they are unwise to say in my personal view.
1. You Should Never Ask a Christian “Will You Go on a Date with Me?” If You Have Not Said Much Else to This Person First
Obviously it’s a good idea to ask someone on a date if you like that person and would like to go on a date with them. But it is a big mistake to make this one of the first things you say.
Many guys make this mistake. Many men get tired of being passive, so they finally work themselves up and push themselves to do something out of their comfort zone. After lots of prayer and overthinking, they finally walk up to the woman they have been attracted to or had a few brief interactions with, and then ask, “Would you like to go on a date with me?”
The courage is awesome. The lack of passivity is to be commended. The execution, however, can be much improved upon. While it’s not a huge commitment to go on a date, it is a commitment of sorts. Women, especially Christian women, are highly unlikely to make that type of commitment with someone they barely know.
Whenever possible, it’s wiser to form a connection before asking for a commitment. It’s even possible to ask someone on a date that you just met for the first time. But you have to at least have a good conversation with this person first to form a connection. If the person does not feel any type of connection towards you, don’t ask them to commit anything to you, even if it is a small commitment like giving you their phone number or going on a date. It just won’t work.
2. You Should Never Say Something That Makes This Person Feel Like an Object
Christians are spiritually minded. So if you make a fellow Christian feel like you are worldly minded, they will avoid you. As 1 John 2:15 states, “Do not love the world or the things in the world. If anyone loves the world, the love of the Father is not in him.”
“Wow, I really like your car. Want to go on a date?” “I think you have a beautiful body. Want to go out to dinner?” “I really like your profile picture. How you doing?” It’s fine to compliment someone’s car or physical appearance, you just must avoid doing this in a way that will make them feel this is the primary reason you are interested in them.
Lines like this may work if someone is just looking to hookup. But if someone is looking for a healthy Christian relationship, they will see it as a red flag if you say something that makes them feel like you are viewing them as an object to possess rather than person to get to know.
3. You Should Never Talk About Your Hopes for the Future with Someone If You Don’t Have Any Past with Them Yet
Nobody likes to feel pressured, especially when it comes to relationships. Many Christians will be scared off if they sense that someone really, really likes them when they are unsure of their feelings about this person.
If you talk about your hopes for the future with someone that you like but you don’t really know this person that well yet, they will most likely run from you. They may not dislike you; they may just not know how they feel about you. But since you are already talking about your future with this person, it scares them off.
So before you make any mention about the distant future with someone, make sure you develop a past with them first.
4. You Should Never Tell a Christian that You Like That You Are Not Looking for a Serious Relationship Right Now
Generally speaking, Christians take relationships more seriously than many non-believers. It is less likely to find a Christian who is interested in just casually dating. Rather, most Christians are interested in finding a meaningful relationship that has the potential to lead to marriage one day.
If you tell someone there is basically no chance of you and them entering into a serious relationship one day because you are not looking for a serious relationship, then it’s unlikely this Christian will want to date you at all. I’m not saying you should lie. I’m just saying that if you try to play it too cool and in attempt to make someone feel at ease you actually make them feel like you are not that interested in anything serious ever, this will actually make them move on from you because they will not want to get hurt.
While it’s wise to not pressure a Christian, it’s also wise to find that balance of not being too disinterested and uncommitted too.
5. You Should Never Say Something That You Say to Many Other Singles
What I’m really talking about is what is known as a “pickup line.” It may work in the movies. It may work in the YouTube adds of those phony dating experts. But in real life, especially when it comes to Christians, a cliché line that can be generically said to anyone will only produce laughs. And they won’t be laughing with you. They will be laughing at you.
All that to say, treat each person as a unique individual. Most people have a good radar to detect disingenuous compliments. If you are about to use a line that can be used on anyone, don’t use it. Say something to the person that you like that actually relates to this unique person.
6. Never Say Anything About Marriage to a Person that You Like But Are Not in a Serious Relationship With
Marriage is the goal for Christians who are dating, but talking about marriage too soon will scare people away. Even if you just use it casually in conversation and you are not even talking about marrying this person specifically, it will still have a negative effect in most cases.
For example, if you are on date with someone you are just getting to know and you say something off the cuff like, “I love living in this city, but I’d be willing to move if my future spouse lived somewhere else,” that mere reference to marriage will subconsciously put pressure on this person you don’t know that well yet.
Even when it comes to your online dating profile, I recommend avoiding the use of the word “marriage” anywhere in your profile. Of course you should pursue marriage, but online dating needs to start with a low commitment level because you don’t know these people yet.
And on a quick side note, I talk a lot more about how to write the most effective online dating profile in my newest course on AGW University. I’m offering this online dating course as a free bonus for anyone who enrolls before the deadline, which is tomorrow, November 22nd at 11:59pm (Est.). In addition to this online dating course, I’m also offering 3 other courses. The first course is called Heart Check. This is where we go through biblical truths to help you prepare your heart for dating and marriage. The next course is called Marriage Material. In this course we dive deep into specific passages of Scripture that outline the biblical requirements needed to have a blessed relationship. Lastly, we conclude with the course called 10 Steps to Meet The One. This course provides you with practical options on the best way to increase your chances of meeting other eligible Christian singles based upon your personality, your age, and based upon what you have tried in the past. There’s a lot more to AGW University that I haven’t even mentioned yet, but for the sake of time, if you’re interested, I encourage you to click here to get full break down of what the whole experience entails.
7. Don’t Talk About Your Past Relationships With Someone You Like
There may come a time in a serious dating relationship for you and your boyfriend or girlfriend to talk about things that happened to you in a past relationships. You don’t have to talk about every past relationship, but sometimes it’s necessary if there is something this person needs to know so they can better understand you and your story.
But you should be very cautious about doing this too soon. You should definitely not talk about your ex with someone you are just getting to know, even if you do it casually and even if you truly are over this person. If someone you like hears you talking about your ex, it will be very easy for them to assume you are not really over them.
8. Don’t Talk About Other Singles You Kind of Like to a Christian Single You Also Kind of Like
One of the best ways to make someone feel all you want is friendship is to talk about how you like someone else. That’s what friends do. Don’t try to play mind games or try to make someone like you more by making them jealous when you talk about your desire for someone else. It won’t work. It will just make them feel like you only see them as a friend, and then they will lose interest in you or then put you in the friend-zone to protect their own heart.
9. Don’t Say “God Told Me that You . . .” to Someone You Like
As discussed in the intro, you should seek God’s wisdom. But you should not expect to hear God tell you your whole future. God is not a fortune teller. He calls us to live by faith, and we cannot do that if he removes the need for faith by just telling us everything that is always going to happen. And even if you do feel like God told you something about your future, definitely don’t tell this to person who you feel God told you something about.
The phrase “God told me . . .” should not be used to influence other people. If God truly told you something, that’s between you and him. “God told me you and I should date” or “God told me you and I will marry one day” is a manipulative thing to say to someone. Even if you didn’t mean it to be, it comes off as controlling and manipulative. You are not God nor are you called to hear God for others. God will tell them what he wants to tell them.
So even if you really feel like God did tell you something about your future with this person that you like, I recommend you keep that to yourself. Otherwise it may seem like you are trying to play God and this person may feel like you are trying to control them through playing the God-card. If God really did say something to you, it will happen without you talking about it to this person.
