4 Biblical Reasons You Should NOT Get Married

Marriage is a good gift from God. However, not everyone is called to pursue this gift. Additionally, we can pursue a good thing, like marriage, but in the wrong way or at the wrong time.

So in this article, we will discuss 4 biblical reasons you should not pursue marriage. And just for clarification, these points are often true for a season but then they can change. It could be wrong to pursue marriage at one point in your life but then it could be right when the variables change.

1. You Should Not Pursue Marriage If You Would Be Happier in Singleness

1 Corinthians 7 provides a wealth of information when you are trying to figure out if you should pursue singleness or marriage. Throughout the passage, however, Paul uses specific examples to help us understand his larger themes. These examples can make us feel like he’s contradicting himself. At some points he states it’s better to be married (1 Corinthians 7:9) and at other points he states it’s better to be single (1 Corinthians 7:38). He’s not contradicting himself; rather, at different points in the chapter, he uses different examples to explain his bigger points.

One of the major points he is trying to teach us is that we should pursue our happiness in the Lord. For some this means we should pursue marriage because it will help us in our walk with God. For others this means they should pursue singleness because that would better help their walk with God. God has given us each different gifts (1 Corinthians 7:7), so we need to live our lives in accordance with how he designed each of us (1 Peter 4:10-11).

This is why in 1 Corinthians 7:40 Paul wrote, “Yet in my judgment she is happier if she remains as she is. And I think that I too have the Spirit of God.” Here he is talking about widows remarrying. But again, throughout the passage, he makes an argument for marriage being better for some and singleness being better for some. The point we should notice in this verse is that Paul is using happiness as a guide.

Thus, if you would be happier in singleness, this is a sign God does not want you to pursue marriage. When it’s time to pursue marriage, if that time ever does come for you, you will know God is leading you into a relationship by the greater joy you would have with this person than without this person, which leads us to our next point.

2. If You Haven’t Met the Right Person Yet, You Should Not Pursue Marriage

The only thing more painful than being alone and lonely is being in a bad marriage while still lonely. Never believe the lie that any relationship is better than no relationship. When you’re with the wrong person, you would be much happier alone.

You won’t need to force yourself into marriage when God is truly leading you to be with someone. If there’s no one in your life that you are excited about right now, this means God does not want you to pursue marriage. When you meet the right person, you will then want to pursue marriage (1 Corinthians 7:36)

3. If You Want a Simpler Life, You Should Not Pursue Marriage

One reason Paul advocates for singleness is that marriage does create extra obligations that can distract us from the Lord. These extra obligations don’t have to distract us from God, but they certainly can.

However, this does not mean Paul is saying that singleness is always better for everyone. For some, the added responsibilities are good for them. We have to remember that Paul also wrote Ephesians 5:22-33 which highlights how marriage reflects Christ and the church. So it’s wrong to say that Paul thinks marriage is bad or a lesser calling than singleness. Rather, in 1 Corinthians 7:32-35, Paul is simply highlighting one of the pros to singleness. He states:

I want you to be free from anxieties. The unmarried man is anxious about the things of the Lord, how to please the Lord. But the married man is anxious about worldly things, how to please his wife, and his interests are divided. And the unmarried or betrothed woman is anxious about the things of the Lord, how to be holy in body and spirit. But the married woman is anxious about worldly things, how to please her husband. I say this for your own benefit, not to lay any restraint upon you, but to promote good order and to secure your undivided devotion to the Lord.”

Did you catch his point at the end? He said his main point was that he wanted them to have an “undivided devotion to the Lord.” For some, being married will better help with that (1 Corinthians 7:7). In this section, he was simply highlighting how marriage can be misused by someone if they let it distract them from the Lord. But again, it doesn’t have to do this.

Paul’s theme of focusing totally on God is why in 1 Corinthians 7:29 he said, “From now on, let those who have wives live as though they had none . . .” Obviously he’s not telling spouses to neglect their roles as spouses. In 1 Corinthians 7:1-16, Paul gives numerous commands to spouses about treating each other properly. He wouldn’t then instantly contradict himself in that same chapter by telling spouses to live as though they are single.

His point, again, is that all Christians, whether or married or single, must have an undivided devotion to the Lord. It’s possible to be fully devoted to Christ while married. But marriage can make things more complex. Thus, if you could better focus on God without a spouse, you should not get married.

4. If You Want Marriage to Solve Your Problems, You Should Not Get Married

The worst marriages occur when two people come together hoping the other person will solve their unhappiness. Like two dead batteries looking for a charge from each other, they end up disappointed.

On the other hand, the best marriages are formed when two people come together to share the happiness they are receiving from the Lord. Instead of trying to take, both are ready to give because they are filled with the love of God (Romans 5:5, 1 John 4:7-8). These couples end up loving each other more and more because they are both deepening their joy in the Lord together.

So if you want to get married because you think this is what is finally going to make you happy on the inside, you should not get married. It will be a disaster. Only get married when you are ready to love the Lord more than your spouse.

When you know that God is the true source of joy your heart needs (Psalm 16:2), then you are free to enjoy the lesser type of love that marriage can offer.

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