Here are 4 possible reasons rooted in Scripture for why unhealthy people keep coming into your life.
1. Toxic People Are Drawn to You Because Satan Hates Your Love for Christ
Oddly enough, when it feels like Satan is sending evil people into your life, this is actually a good sign. Of course, we should not be the ones inviting these people in, but if it seems like Satan is sending them to you, it’s probably because he sees the good fruit in your life and he wants to stop it.
If Satan is ignoring you, it can only mean you are not advancing God’s kingdom. He only spends his demonic resources on attacking people who are shining the light of Christ and helping lost people find freedom (Revelation 13:7). Notice in 1 Peter 5:6-9, we see that those who are humble and used by God are also the ones who Satan is attacking.
Thus, in some ways, the toxic people sent to bring you harm are unavoidable. It’s part of the journey for all true Christians who serve the Lord.
2. Toxic People Are Drawn to You Because You Are Kind and Loving
Toxic people are not always stupid people. In fact, many of them are very intelligent and crafty. This is why they are only drawn to certain people. They don’t waste time on people who are quick to rebuke them and put them in their place. Rather, toxic people look for compassionate, patient people so they have more time to cause chaos.
It’s biblical to be kind and loving. So I’m not saying that you should be less kind and loving to avoid toxic people. However, it’s also biblical to rebuke and set up healthy boundaries. Therefore, the key is to ensure you do not emphasize love and kindness at the expense of other biblical traits that are meant to guard your heart.
As Ephesians 4:15 states, we must be loving, but we must also be truth tellers. If someone is toxic and acting in hurtful ways, it’s biblical for us to lovingly rebuke them and give them consequences, which would mean a loss of access to us until they repent of their toxic behavior.
Not only does this protect you, but it is also what is best for this toxic person. Otherwise, they will not have the motivation to repent. As Paul instructed in 1 Corinthians 5:4-5 when talking about a toxic person who was causing harm in the church:
“When you are assembled in the name of the Lord Jesus and my spirit is present, with the power of our Lord Jesus, you are to deliver this man to Satan for the destruction of the flesh, so that his spirit may be saved in the day of the Lord.”
3. Toxic People Are Drawn to You Because You Imagine What a Person Could Be
Seeing someone’s potential is a good thing. Many Christians have the gift of encouragement, calling people to a higher standard of living than they are currently experiencing. Never forsake this special ability you have.
However, we must also be wise and realize that there is a danger in confusing potential with reality. While someone could become a healthier version of themselves if they are given the proper love and support, this does not change the fact that they are currently still a toxic person.
Many times, encouraging and supportive Christians keep getting attacked by toxic people because these Christians keep hoping these toxic people will turn into who they want them to be. Hope is good, but you must also guard your heart (Proverbs 4:23). You must keep your distance from people who are following Satan and living in the world. Even if you can imagine who they could be, you must accept that they are not that person right now.
As Paul instructed in 1 Corinthians 15:33, “Do not be deceived: ‘Bad company ruins good morals.’”
4. Toxic People Are Drawn to You Because You Have Mistaken Forgiveness with Reconciliation
Toxic people love to manipulate the Scriptures. When they wrong you, they will also then try to claim that you must forgive and give them more chances. If you try to set up boundaries, they will try to guilt you by claiming you are not truly forgiving them.
However, you must realize there is a difference between forgiveness and reconciliation. It’s true that all Christians are called to forgive everyone, every time, no matter how many times they sin against us (Matthew 18:22). And yet, this does not mean we must always reconcile (Matthew 18:17, Romans 16:17), which is restoring the relationship to what it was before the offense took place (Proverbs 4:23).
When someone has not truly repented, it would be unloving to reconcile with them. They need to feel the consequences of their actions. Additionally, you are not required to be close with everyone in the world, as that is not realistic. You only have so much time and emotional resources to give. You must choose your inner circle wisely (2 Timothy 2:22).
If someone is toxic and has broken your trust, forgive them. But be slow to reconcile with them, giving them time to grow and truly repent of their past evil behavior. Sometimes God will lead you to just forgive and then part ways with someone so they can’t hurt you again.
