Sometimes the most mature thing you can do is totally ignore someone. That’s hard for some Christians to accept, but Scripture absolutely supports this in many instances. God really might be saying, “Do not respond to that person.”
But how will you know when God is saying this, because sometimes you should respond?
Here are 4 signs God may be saying, “Do not respond to that person!”
1. God May Be Telling You Not to Respond to Someone If They Are Trying to Bully You
Perhaps you have a family member who always tries to control you during the holidays, demanding how you spend your time. Or maybe you have an ex who is tormenting you on social media. Or perhaps you have a coworker who loves to ruin your day by saying the most annoying thing at the worst possible time. Luke 23:8-9 states:
When Herod saw Jesus, he was very glad, for he had long desired to see him, because he had heard about him, and he was hoping to see some sign done by him. So he questioned him at some length, but [Jesus] made no answer.”
If Jesus had spoken to Herod or performed a miracle at Herod’s command, Jesus would have been obeying Herod, thus showing Herod had authority over Jesus. By remaining silent, however, Jesus showed Herod that he had no control over him. Sometimes silence shows our power more than anything else will.
Whatever can elicit a response from you is what has power over you. That’s why bullies tease and try to rile others up. If they can get an emotional response from you, or even a response at all, the bully feels powerful because you are doing what they want. And that’s their goal – to feel powerful.
If you’re anything like me, you want to respond to the bullies to show them they don’t have power over us. You want to face them head-on and show them who’s boss. There may be a time for that, but there’s also a time to show people our power by not allowing them to control us. Sometimes we just need to ignore them and move on, which will be very humbling for them because they are used to being able to control others and get them emotionally unstable. But when we show them we have no effect on us, it devastates their fragile egos.
Proverbs 29:11, “A fool gives full vent to his spirit, but a wise man quietly holds it back.” Let’s be the wise person mentioned here.
As Jesus showed us, silence is sometimes the greatest display of power. May we too seek to show others the power of God through our words and deeds, but also through our silence. When we don’t respond to a bully, we are saying to them, “You don’t have any power over me.”
2. God May Be Telling You Not to Respond to Someone If They Keep Ignoring What You’ve Already Said
Matthew 7:6, “Do not give dogs what is holy, and do not throw your pearls before pigs, lest they trample them underfoot and turn to attack you.” In context, Jesus said this when explaining how to correct people. He was showing us there is a time not to correct people when they have shown they don’t value our words.
I don’t think it is usually the right response to immediately ignore someone without first trying to respond to them in a loving way. I believe there are cases where you instantly know someone has bad intentions, and thus it would be right to completely ignore them and not respond. But oftentimes, we’re not able to know if someone would benefit from our words or not until we give them a chance.
However, after you have said what you needed to say, and then they keep ignoring you, now is the time to not respond anymore. For example:
- Perhaps you have an ex who isn’t taking no for an answer. You’ve told them you don’t want to talk anymore because you want to move on, but they keep calling you. They may even leave you voicemails to make you feel guilty, telling you about all the hard things that are happening to them and how they really just need to talk to someone. You may need to block them.
- Maybe you have a family member who wants to control your life. And no matter how many times you’ve tried to set up a boundary with them, they keep blowing right through it. It may come to the point where they need to know you won’t respond to them until they are prepared to be more respectful towards you.
- Perhaps you have a coworker who is totally toxic. No matter how many times you tell them that you don’t want to hear all the disgusting stories they tell from their personal life, they keep blabbing on and on. Perhaps you are called to only speak to them when your job requires it. When it comes to social interactions between work-related interactions, you may need to completely ignore them. You can just get up and walk away mid-sentence if they have ignored your request not to talk to you about those things they keep talking about.
Proverbs 9:7, “Whoever corrects a scoffer gets himself abuse, and he who reproves a wicked man incurs injury.” You’re not called to endlessly correct someone. Eventually, you’re called to just ignore them.
3. God May Be Telling You Not to Respond to Someone If They Just Want to Argue
2 Timothy 2:23-25, “Have nothing to do with foolish, ignorant controversies; you know that they breed quarrels. And the Lord’s servant must not be quarrelsome but kind to everyone, able to teach, patiently enduring evil, correcting his opponents with gentleness.”
The difference between a conversation with differing views compared to an argument is really a matter of the heart. Thus, it can be hard to tell if you are having a productive dialogue with someone who disagrees with you or if you are just engaging in a fruitless argument.
You’ll need discernment. If there is a spirit of defensiveness and animosity building between you and this person, it’s probably a sign you should no longer respond when they want to debate, because really, they just want to argue.
As Proverbs 26:4-5 explains, sometimes you should respond to someone who’s in error, and sometimes you shouldn’t: “Answer not a fool according to his folly, lest you be like him yourself. 5 Answer a fool according to his folly, lest he be wise in his own eyes.”
You’ll have to gauge whether or not you think they are able to receive your words. If they just want to argue, don’t respond to them anymore.
4. God Is Telling You Not to Respond to Someone When Remaining Silent Is the Most Loving Thing You Can Do
In the end, everything we do should be rooted in love. While many Christians think the most loving thing to do is to respond when someone engages us, that’s simply not always true. Sometimes it’s loving to rebuke someone through your silence. Sometimes a person needs to feel the weight of your silence so they can realize their own sins and repent (1 Corinthians 5:5, 11).
In any case, base your decision to speak or to remain silent in love. Ephesians 4:29, “Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for building up, as fits the occasion, that it may give grace to those who hear.”
Here’s a related article called 4 Signs God Is Telling You to Not Give that Person Any Attention
