Does Porn Use Disqualify You from Christian Dating?

Porn is sinful. Period. No amount of porn use is acceptable. Period.

I lead with those statements because I believe the answer to the question “Does porn use disqualify you from Christian dating?” must be a nuanced answer. For example:

• What does “porn use” mean when you say it? Looking at a woman in lingerie once a year or watching orgies before bed every night? Both are sinful but the guys struggling with those two different scenarios are obviously in a different place.
• If a man quickly looks at porn once and then never looks at it again, how much time should he take to repent before pursuing a relationship compared to a man who has been watching porn every day for 20 years but now wants to repent and be in a godly relationship?
• If a man does look at porn when dating a woman, should he instantly break up with her or only if he is actively sinning in such a way that it’s taken complete control of his life?

Again, porn is sinful. No amount of porn or lust is acceptable. So no matter what I say going forward, don’t interpret it as me saying porn is not sinful or acceptable. But I do believe we need to think about this topic in a nuanced way depending on the actual variables in each situation.

With that in mind, here are 3 points to consider when answering the question, “Does porn use disqualify you from Christian dating?”

And at the end of this article, I will give you a very definitive answer about my person opinion regarding when a man should start dating again after he’s fallen to porn use.

1. You Should Only Pursue a Dating Relationship When You Are Prepared to Get Married

One principle that I believe is really helpful when asking any question about dating is: You should only date when you are prepared to get married.

This doesn’t mean that you must only date someone you know you will marry one day. Rather, it means you will only choose to date if you possess the capability to get married to this person if God did show you this is the person you should marry.

For more on this, you can read my article called What Does the Bible Say About Dating?

A lot more could be said about that, but in fear of going down a rabbit trail that I’ve already gone down before in many of my other articles, let me leave it here: If there is a sin that prevents you from meeting the biblical requirements for marriage, you should not date either.

2. If You Are “Walking” in Sexual Sin, You Should Not Pursue a Relationship

What would be an example of a sin that would prevent you from meeting the biblical requirements for marriage. Well, let’s start with what those requirements actually are.

First, you need to be a Christian if you want to marry another Christian (1 Corinthians 7:39, 2 Corinthians 6:14). Second, you must be bearing the fruits of the Spirit because this is the sign you are actually a true Christian (Galatians 5:22-24) since anyone can say they are a Christian. Third, you must be able to fulfill the biblical requirements of a husband or a wife (Ephesians 5:22-33, 1 Peter 3:1-7). For more on this, you can read What Type of Person Should You Marry According to the Bible?

With these requirements in mind, you have to honestly assess yourself to gauge whether or not you feel you are biblically ready to pursue marriage.

In most cases, I would say the type of sin that would be evidence you are not ready for marriage is less likely a single act and more likely to be an ongoing sinful behavior.

Notice the emphasis on the word “walk” in 1 John 1:6-7, which states:

If we say we have fellowship with him while we walk in darkness, we lie and do not practice the truth. But if we walk in the light, as he is in the light, we have fellowship with one another, and the blood of Jesus his Son cleanses us from all sin.”

If you’re walking in darkness, you are not ready for marriage. A moment of lust that you repent of quickly would not mean you are “walking in darkness.” But if you are falling to lust daily, weekly, or even monthly, I would say that is a form of walking in darkness that you need to repent of.

If you’re looking at porn and regularly falling to lustful behavior, you are either a true Christian but you are backsliding or you are not a true Christian at all. Either way, you are not ready to invite a woman into your life at this point.

3. If You Are Repenting of Sexual Sin and Showing Visible Signs of Sanctification, You Can Pursue a Relationship

By this point, I’m sure your mind is filled with specific questions that involve specific details related to your situation: “What about this sin done over this amount of time and what if he’s repented in this way but then struggle in this way after he repented and now he is doing this thing to help” . . . you get the point.

I don’t know. I’m not you. I’m not your pastor. I’m not the Holy Spirit. You have to take the relevant biblical principles and apply them to your situation. Ask your pastor and share the details with him. And submit to the Holy Spirit’s leading.

With that said, here’s a principle you should apply: True Christians are not perfect. Rather, true Christians repent of sin and are on the road of sanctification.

Sanctification is an ongoing process where we learn to live from the new nature we have through Christ. We are perfectly justified and made pure through the gospel. The process of learning to live pure through the gospel is called sanctification.

So a Christian should not be forever disqualified from dating and marriage because of past sexual sins because of the gospel and the process of sanctification. Of course our current actions reveal the current level of our sanctification. So there does come a point when someone’s sexual sin is a sign that they are not ready for a relationship.

My Opinion to the Question, “Does Porn Use Disqualify You from Christian Dating?”

If you want a clear answer from me, here it is.

Please note this is simply MY OPINION and it’s what I generally believe is appropriate in most circumstances. There are certainly situations where I would give different advice.

But, with all these disclaimers, my opinion is that you should be free from regular porn use for at least 6 months before choosing to be in a relationship.

What is regular porn use? I don’t know. I think any answer I give will be an opportunity for your flesh to say, “Oh, okay, so I can sin [blank amount] of times before needing to take a 6 month break from dating.” This is the danger with specific guidelines like this. So be honest with yourself and submit to God’s leading.

The reason I chose 6 months is because generally I find it to be a good benchmark to show a genuine change in behavior. If you have a different opinion or conviction, go with your own view on this (read Romans 14 for more on this). I’m just sharing my general opinion because I know people like concrete answers and find them helpful. However, don’t be legalistic and don’t use this information to justify your sin.

Remember, porn use is always wrong. No amount of porn use is acceptable. Period. As 1 Peter 2:16 states, “Live as people who are free, not using your freedom as a cover-up for evil, but living as servants of God.”

Here’s a list of related articles that might help answer other questions you still have:

When, Why, and How to Talk About Past Sexual Sin with Your Christian Partner?

Should Your Wife or Girlfriend Be Your Accountability Partner?

When Are You Ready to Start Dating?