Why would God allow your heart to care so much about someone that you are not in a relationship with? Here are 4 possible answers to consider.
And if you feel like God has called you to married one day rather than single forever, I wanted to let you know that there’s only a few days left to enroll in AGW University. This is where I offer the next level of my relationship training. This experience includes 7 relationship courses rooted in biblical principles, 90 days of one-on-one email coaching with me, and access to a private Facebook group (currently over 900 members) where you can meet other singles who have also gone through these courses.
For more information about the current scholarship and bonuses, feel free to click here before the May 28th deadline.
1. God Allowed You to Care About This Person So Much Because You Will Be with This Person, Just Not Right Now
One sign that you and someone are not meant to be together is when you don’t care that much about this person. A strong desire to be together is needed for marriage according to the Bible (1 Corinthians 7:36-40).
Of course feelings change and grow over time. So it’s possible that you can have strong feelings for this person even though they don’t seem to feel the same way but one day they will. Give it time.
However, if there’s no evidence this person will ever care about you like you care about them, the next 3 points might relate to you more.
2. God Allowed You to Care About This Person So Much Because Love Is Worth the Pain
Oftentimes when we experience pain, the natural cry of our heart to God is, “Why?”
Theologically, all the “why” questions can be answered with “For God’s glory.” While this is theologically accurate, because everything God does ultimately comes back to his glory (Isaiah 48:9-11), this answer sometimes doesn’t help us emotionally cope with the pain.
I think the theologically correct answer lacks the emotional power to ease some of the pain and confusion because we lack so much understanding of what it really means to “glorify God.” At its essence, to glorify God is to reflect God – to bear his image.
When you bear God’s image, it means you love what he loves, you hate what he hates, and your heart is deeply connected to Christ. Therefore, when you seek to live like God, it’s natural to love people who don’t love you back because this is what happens to God all of the time (1 John 4:7-12).
God’s solution to the pain of not being loved back is never to just not love in the first place. God chooses to love people all of the time who don’t love him back, and this hurts. The only way to avoid this pain would be to not love at all. But God doesn’t choose that because he says love is worth it (1 Corinthians 13:1-3).
Therefore, since we are made in his image, there will be seasons in life where we are led to love someone who does not love us back. It’s a part of being a Christian, to love in a way that is not one sided. When you have the love of God in you, you can’t help but give it away. But sometimes people don’t want our love, just like some people don’t want God’s love.
So, like God, you must make your choice. Will you choose not to love ever again because someone has rejected your love? If you want to be like God, you can’t do that. You have to keep loving. And just like God who does have a bride who loves him back (Ephesians 5:23), you too will most likely find your spouse who loves you back if you keep choosing to love.
3. God Allowed You to Care About This Person So Much Because You Didn’t Guard Your Heart
Sometimes the pain that stems from choosing to care about someone just can’t be avoided. If you are willing to offer and receive love, you are also opening yourself up to pain, loss, and rejection.
However, at times, we experience relationship pains that could have been avoided if we heeded God’s warning, “Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it” (Proverbs 4:23, NIV).
To guard your heart does not mean to wall your heart off. Rather, it means you love in a wise way rather than a reckless, foolish way. It’s unwise to fall in love with the idea of someone, to offer a greater commitment than the relationship deserves at this point, or to trust someone’s words who has not shown you enough character through actions.
In short, if you gave too much of your heart to someone, take it back. Go to God in prayer, repent of any sins you committed by not guarding your heart, and give your heart back to the Lord. He’s the rightful owner of your heart, so when you give it back to God, no one else can keep it.
4. God Allowed You to Care About This Person So Much Because He Wanted You to Be a Light to Them
I’m certainly not saying God wants you to missionary date, which is a term that means you are trying to romantically date an unbeliever as a way of being a witness to them. God does not want his children to be unequally yoked (2 Corinthians 6:14).
Sometimes, however, God gives you a heart for someone because he wants you to be a light to them. At times, this person becomes a Christian and then you date and get married. Usually this is not what happens. Most of the time, God uses you in an instance like this to plant a seed in this person that God will use other people to grow and water later on.
And sometimes you care about another Christian and that Christian cares about you, and God allowed your paths to cross for a season because he knew you two needed each other for that season.
But not all relationships are built to endure. And that’s okay. Seasonal relationships are not automatically sinful relationships. At times, God allows two people to help each other in an important way that will benefit them for the rest of their lives, but then he leads both of those people to move on.
No matter what God is doing, always trust him (Proverbs 3:5-6). He has a good plan for your life. You just need to keep following him.
And if you are a Christian, single, and you want to glorify the Lord in a relationship one day, feel free to check out AGW University before this Sunday, May 28th, at 11:59pm. It doesn’t matter if your in your 20s or 60s, if you want to apply biblical relationship principles to your life, I made these courses for you. For more information, click here.