James 1:5
If you are a Christian who is looking to start dating again after a breakup, how long should you wait? What is enough time to heal and truly move on from that past relationship before starting a new relationship?
Here’s are 3 points to consider if you are asking these types of questions.
You Should Wait to Start Dating After a Breakup for as Long as Needed
There is no set rule for how long you should wait to date after you breakup with someone else. The general principle that I believe should be followed is that you should wait for as long as you need to wait. In other words, you should start dating again when your heart is ready for it.
To some that might seem overly simplistic, but if you start putting actual time-frames on things like this your life will start looking very legalistic rather than Spirit led and Bible saturated. So rather than force yourself to wait to date for three months after every breakup, maybe one breakup will only require a few weeks of recovery time while another may cause you not to date for six months.
It all depends on if your heart is ready to move on from a past relationship and begin a new relationship. Ask the Lord and he will lead you, “If any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask God, who gives generously to all without reproach, and it will be given him” (James 1:5).
You Should Make This Decision Based Upon Your Own Heart and Not Your Ex’s Feelings
Another helpful tip is to make sure your decision is based on your needs and not the needs of your ex. While it’s certainly not wrong to try to be considerate of your ex’s feelings, you also do not want your ex to control the way you live your life.
Many times people stay connected to their ex and then feel bad about liking someone else so soon because they do not want to hurt their ex. I don’t think this should factor into your decision. You are responsible for you and they are responsible for themselves.
In actuality, it probably doesn’t even matter if you started dating someone this month or in three months from now. If your ex is upset now they will probably be upset later. As long as you are not romantically involved with someone while you are dating someone else, I don’t see the issue. If you start a new relationship behind your ex’s back and then start dating right after the breakup because you were already involved with that person, that’s not right.
But in general you need to make relationship decisions based upon what the Lord is leading you to do and allow your ex to follow God in his or her own life.
You Should Start Dating Again When You Are Ready to Pursue a Christian Marriage in a Healthy Way
In summary, I believe this question about “How long should you wait to start dating again after a breakup?” should be answered the same way all Christians should gauge whether or not they should date or wait.
I believe the healthiest way to date for Christians is to only date when you are in a season of life where you are ready to get married if God brought the right person into your life. I don’t hold to the courting model where you need to know you want to marry the person you are courting. However, I do believe it is wise for Christians to only date when they are ready to get married. Marriage, not dating, is the only romantic relationship mentioned in Scripture therefore Christians should be marriage centered when it comes to romance rather than dating centered.
So if you are ready to pursue a Christian marriage, I believe you are ready to start dating again after a breakup.