1 Peter 3:3-5
How can you tell if a woman is ready for marriage? What qualities should a man look for in a woman in singleness if he wants to know if she will be a godly wife?
Here are 3 signs a woman is marriage material.
She Is Marriage Material If Her Beauty Flows from Her Inner Character
1 Peter 3:3-5 (NLT) states, “Don’t be concerned about the outward beauty of fancy hairstyles, expensive jewelry, or beautiful clothes. You should clothe yourselves instead with the beauty that comes from within, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is so precious to God. This is how the holy women of old made themselves beautiful.”
All humans are “beautiful” in a sense. But a woman is “beautiful” in a way that a man is not. There is an undeniable link between beauty and femininity. Please don’t misunderstand. I’m not talking about physical attraction or external features. When a woman is walking in biblical femininity, she will always be beautiful.
God made men to love this unique beauty in women. Many men and women, however, miss the true beauty of a godly woman and trade it for external appearances. Society usually associates this trade off with men, and certainly many men do struggle with idolizing physical beauty. But a woman can easily idolize physical beauty of women too.
She can either idolize her own physical appearance and find her identity in her looks, or she can idolize the beauty of others and feel ugly and find her identity in her poor view of her physical appearance. The Bible tells a woman, however, to focus on inner beauty rooted in possessing the character of Christ.
So a woman is marriage material if her beauty is flowing from her inner character. By the world’s standards she can be externally beautiful but that does not mean she is prepared to be a godly wife. A godly wife has beautiful character. As Proverbs 31:10 states, “A wife of noble character who can find? She is worth far more than rubies.”
She Is Marriage Material If She Is Not Threatened By a Man’s Strength and Sees His Strength as a Blessing
Ephesians 5:22-24 states, “Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself its Savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit in everything to their husbands.”
A woman is marriage material if she is not threatened by God’s design of husbands and wives. When a woman is thinking biblically, she will see a man’s strength as blessing to her rather than a threat. She will know deep in her heart that she can validate her man’s strength while not invalidating her own strength. She will not see women and men as competing entities but rather complementary entities that God designed to work together.
1 Peter 3:7 (NLT) explains, “In the same way, you husbands must give honor to your wives. Treat your wife with understanding as you live together. She may be weaker than you are, but she is your equal partner in God’s gift of new life. Treat her as you should so your prayers will not be hindered.” While this verse is directed towards men, a godly woman will appreciate this concept rather than be angered by it. She will see that God expects a man to use his strength to love his wife and a godly woman will love being loved by a strong man. She will value his masculinity rather than try to emasculate because she fears his strength.
So a woman is marriage material if she rejects sinful, abusive masculinity while also celebrating and encouraging biblical masculinity. She is ready for marriage when she is prepared to see her husband’s leadership and protection as a gift from God. If she sees your masculinity and her femininity as equally important parts to a healthy marriage, she is definitely marriage material.
She Is Marriage Material If She Promotes Peace and Is Not Quarrelsome
Proverbs 21:9 states, “It is better to live in a corner of the housetop than in a house shared with a quarrelsome wife.” Proverbs 31:12 also explains, “She brings him good, not harm, all the days of her life.”
As I talked about in 3 Signs He Is Marriage Material, Colossians 3:19 states, “Husbands, love your wives, and do not be harsh with them.” It seems the Bible often gives specific instructions to husbands and wives based upon what many husbands struggle with and what many wives struggle with. In Colossians 3:19 it seems clear that Paul is acknowledge that many husbands struggle with being harsh. Certainly some wives struggle with harshness too, but here Paul specifically says this to husbands.
Likewise, it seems Proverbs 21:9 is implying that many wives often struggle with being quarrelsome. Certainly many husbands do too, but it seems this could be an especially common issue with wives just as anger is an especially common issue with husbands. In 1 Timothy 5:11-13 it states:
“But refuse to enroll younger widows, for when their passions draw them away from Christ, they desire to marry and so incur condemnation for having abandoned their former faith. Besides that, they learn to be idlers, going about from house to house, and not only idlers, but also gossips and busybodies, saying what they should not.”
The point being made here is that while men commonly struggle with similar sins as other men, so do women. For example, many men struggle with anger, lust, and being harsh. Likewise, it seems one common sin among many women, not all, but many, is “saying what they should not” say as 1 Timothy 5:13 states. Quarreling, gossiping, and tearing people down with words is what often happens when a woman walks in her sinful nature.
On average, women are more gifted with words. On average they enjoy talking more than most men. Certainly this is not true of every man and every woman, but on average it is true. A woman’s gift for speech and words is by God’s design and is good. However, when sin enters our best gifts become our worst curses. A woman living in sin will use her gift of speech in sinful ways. She will out-quarrel her husband. She will beat him up with her words. She will win every argument as her man fumbles over his thoughts and is unable to express himself as clearly and sharply as her.
A woman who uses her words to tear down rather than build up is not prepared to be a godly wife. She must use her words to bring life and not death, to build her household up rather than tear it down.
So a woman is marriage material when she is ready to promote peace rather than quarrels.