How to Be Found By a Man Who Truly Loves You

Krista sat on the edge of her bed, clutching her Bible like it was the only thing keeping her heart from crumbling.

At 29, she never thought she’d still be single. Her friends were posting baby announcements and anniversary photos, but she was still alone. It wasn’t that she didn’t try—dating apps, church groups, awkward setups—none of it seemed to work.

She whispered a prayer through tears: “God, where is the man who will actually love me?”

What Krista didn’t know that night was that God wasn’t punishing her. He was pruning her.

If you’re a Christian single woman like Krista, wondering how to find a Christian man who will actually love you—not just flirt with you, not just tolerate you, but actually love you—here’s how it often begins.

1. Wait and Don’t Compromise Just Because You’re Lonely

“Wait for the Lord; be strong, and let your heart take courage; wait for the Lord!” – Psalm 27:14

Krista met Jared at a church social. He wasn’t her ideal man. For example, he was inconsistent in his walk with God, sometimes he said crude things, and he seemed mostly interested in shallow conversation. But he liked her. He texted every day, asked to hang out often, and didn’t seem to mind her quirks.

At first, Krista convinced herself that she could bring him closer to God. She justified his spiritual immaturity with words like “potential” and “chemistry.” But deep down, she knew she was settling because she was lonely.

One night, after another date that ended with Jared pressuring her past her boundaries, Krista finally admitted it: she wasn’t being pursued with godly love—she was being used as a placeholder until something “better” came along in his mind. Additionally, she was also using him a placeholder too, secretly hoping this relationship would end on it’s own and then she would meet a godly man.

She cried out to God again, this time in repentance. And as painful as it was, she stopped waiting for the relationship to end and she ended it herself.

Krista finally learned that compromising to soothe loneliness only leads to deeper wounds. She was seeing that if she wanted a godly man who actually loved her, she needed to wait and stop compromising with the men who were just using her.

2. Stop Fantasizing About a Man Who Will Solve All Your Problems

“Put not your trust in princes, in a son of man, in whom there is no salvation.” – Psalm 146:3

Once Krista stopped entertaining counterfeit relationships, a new danger crept in: fantasy.

She would journal about a mystery man she hadn’t met yet. She listed all the physical and spiritual traits this man would have. This list was now a few pages long. And when she had a particularly rough day, she would imagine this man bringing her flowers, telling her everything was going to be okay, and whisking her away from the weight of her job and responsibilities.

But that fantasy became a trap. No one in reality ever measured up. She met some Christian guys who had a few good qualities, but they always lacked something specific that was on Krista’s list.

It was as though her list of requirements for a man had become a list of barriers blocking her from living in reality.

Eventually, a close female friend who knew her well and loved her deeply sat her down and said something Krista never forgot: “A godly man is not your savior, Krista. Jesus is.”

It hit her like a splash of cold water. She suddenly woke up and realized her fantasy was actually pushing her away from finding a real man. It was realistic to find a Christian man who would actually love her. But it was unrealistic to find a Christian man who could save her from everything that was hard in her life.

Only when she surrendered her fantasies did God begin to sober her mind and help her live in reality.

3. Become So Focused on Being a Godly Woman, You Draw the Right Man to You Without Even Looking

“Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting; but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised.” – Proverbs 31:30

Krista didn’t plan to become a mentor, but when her church needed someone to lead a small group for younger women, she felt a quiet nudge from the Holy Spirit. What started as a reluctant “yes” became a passionate calling.

She began studying Scripture more deeply, praying more fervently, and investing in others without needing to be noticed. She volunteered at the women’s shelter, attended a weekly worship night in her community, and started writing devotional blogs in her free time.

And she was happy—not because she had everything figured out, but because she was finally aligned with her purpose.

During one of those worship nights, Krista met Elijah.

He didn’t impress her at first glance. But over the next few weeks, she noticed his consistent character. He arrived early to serve. He stayed late to pray. He listened more than he talked.

And most importantly, Elijah seemed to be drawn to Krista. He seemed to be deeply interested in her. Elijah asked her thoughtful questions that allowed her to share the deeper parts of herself that others didn’t often get to see. He made her feel known.

Krista hadn’t been looking for a man. But in becoming the woman God called her to be, she drew a man who was doing the same.

4. Live Your Life to the Fullest

“I came that they may have life and have it abundantly.” – John 10:10

One day, as she and Elijah walked through the church garden after a ministry event, he turned to her and said, “You live your life like Jesus really is enough for you.”

She smiled, not because it flattered her, but because it was finally true.

They had grown together in friendship, and now, as they prayed over their relationship, Krista felt peace. Not the emotional rush of infatuation. Not the desperation of loneliness. But the calm confidence of someone who had waited, surrendered, and obeyed.

Elijah didn’t complete her. He complimented her. And Krista knew that this was what godly love looked like—not perfect, but purposeful.

And if you’re a Christian single woman who wants to be pursued by a godly man, my new book is for you! It’s called Invite Him: 16 Rules from Ruth to Help Your Future Husband Find You