Colossians 3:19
In this article, I’m going to cover 5 biblical ways a woman can dress if she wants to draw the right man to her.
However, before we begin, I need to clarify a few things and make sure you know what I am not saying.
First, I am not telling a woman what to literally wear or not wear. Rather, I’m going to give you biblical principles throughout this article that you will need to apply to your life in the way that you feel is biblically accurate. The last thing I want to do is create a legalistic dress code that is not listed in Scripture. I have opinions on what is modest and immodest, but those are my opinions and not biblical rules that all people must follow. I believe clothing choices are really a matter of conscience (Romans 14).
Second, I’m not saying a woman should primarily choose to dress modestly because she could be a temptation to men. The Bible does say we should all consider what effect we are having on others (Luke 17:1-3, Romans 14:13); and I do think it is unloving for a woman to intentionally dress in a way that she feels is sexually provocative. But I also believe it is always the man’s job to not lust regardless of what women are wearing (James 1:14). Additionally, a man can lust after any woman no matter what she is wearing. Thus, the solution to a man’s lust depends on his own relationship with God, not on what the women around him are wearing.
Third, I’m also not saying that a woman should feel free to dress however she wants simply because it’s not her job to cause a man not to sin. Rather, I’m saying a woman should choose to dress in a way that is modest because she is seeking to please the Lord with her body. She should dress modestly because that is the overflow of her Spirit-filled heart. I’ve addressed this topic in much greater detail in my article called, What Does the Bible Say About Modesty and How Should a Christian Woman Should Dress?
Lastly, I plan on addressing how a man can attract a godly woman with his clothing choices in a separate article.
With all that said, here are 5 biblical principles to consider if you want to draw a godly man to you with your clothing choices.
1. Dress in a Way that Highlights Where Your First Allegiance Lies
I can’t tell you what a sinful outfit is or what a godly outfit is. Like so much in life, it often comes down to our motives. Why do you wear the clothes that you wear? What motivates you in the morning when you are getting ready for the day? That is the most import thing to think about when it comes to dressing in a biblical or unbiblical way.
Colossians 3:19 says, “And whatever you do, in word or deed, do everything in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him.” When everything you do, including your clothing choices, is governed by your love for God, this will naturally draw a man to you who also loves God like you do (2 Timothy 2:22).
When you wear beautiful, modest clothing, it says something about your heart. When you wear sexy clothing that is designed to insight fleshly passions, that too says something about the condition of your heart. The way you view yourself internally will control how you present yourself externally. If you believe you are a beautiful, Christ exalting woman, that will shape the way you present yourself to the world.
2. Dress in a Way that Shows Your “Adorning” Is Internal
Christians often overcorrect the immodesty of some women by stating real Christian women shouldn’t pay attention to their outer appearance at all. They assume all makeup, nice clothes, jewelry, or braided hair is simply vanity. They are basically saying frumpiness equals holiness. That is not at all what the Scriptures teach.
Rather, the Bible states that women should not use makeup, clothes, jewelry, and hairstyles as a means of making themselves more beautiful. In other words, a woman can wear these things so long as she is doing so because it expresses her inner beauty in an outward way. The caution Scripture gives is about using outer beautifying methods as a way of trying to make oneself feel truly beautiful in the Lord. It’s always a principle within Christianity that our inner character must govern our outer choices rather than the other way around (Luke 6:45).
When the Bible gives women instructions on what to wear, it uses the word “adorn” (1 Timothy 2:9-10, 1 Peter 3:3-5). The word “adorn” means “to enhance the appearance of especially with beautiful objects.” It’s a word that means “to beautify.” So it’s saying “don’t try to beautify yourself through external means.” Rather, you should dress in a way that reflect the inner beauty you have in the Lord. Thus, when you know your true beauty as a Christian woman, this will cause you to dress in a beautifully way as well.
The things you wear should be a reflection of how your heart looks on the inside. The Bible tells women to dress with modesty and respectfully because through the gospel of Jesus that’s the type of heart a redeemed woman in Christ has – modest, respectful, godly, self-controlled, precious to God . . . beautiful.
When a godly man sees your true beauty being expressed in outward ways, this will draw him to you (Proverbs 31:30).
3. Dress in a Way Where He’s Not Biblically Obligated to Avoid Looking at You
As I said in the intro, it is a man’s job not to lust after a woman. So in no way am I blaming your clothing choices for a man’s lust. However, what women do need to realize is that a man can’t change what he finds tempting.
In other words, just as a man shouldn’t try to tell you what you should and shouldn’t wear, you don’t have the right to tell him what he should and shouldn’t find tempting. You both have the right to disagree about your clothing choices. You may feel an outfit is completely wholesome and modest. However, a man may think it is immodest and tempting. You both can loving share your opinions, but in the end, you both are free to feel the way you feel about.
With that said, as a woman, you should know that men (along with women too) are commanded by God to avoid sexual temptation (1 Corinthians 6:18). Thus, his solution to your outfit choice that is tempting to him is not to try to change what you are wearing. You are free to wear what you want. However, his solution will be to avoid you.
If you don’t want godly men to avoid you, you should dress in ways that are modest. You can’t have it both ways. You can dress how you want to dress but you don’t get to decide how your visual image effects men. If we think it’s too sexy for us, that’s our opinion and we have to avoid looking at you. We can’t just snap our fingers and pretend your outfit isn’t stimulating our sinful flesh.
You have the right to wear what you want, but just know a godly man will avoid you if he finds your clothing choices too sexually stimulating.
4. Dress in a Way that Sets You Apart from Worldly Women
Proverbs 31:10 (NIV), “A wife of noble character who can find? She is worth far more than rubies.” Just as you know that godly men are rare, godly men also know that godly women are rare.
He’s not going to be looking for you in the sea of godless looking women. Narrow is the road that leads to life in Christ, thus he will know his future wife will look different than those headed on the wide road to destruction (Matthew 7:13-14).
If you dress like the world, a godly man will assume you are worldly (1 John 2:15-17). When you dress different, it will help a godly man see that you are different.
5. Dress in a Way that Compliments His Masculinity
What does this look like? I don’t know. Everyone has their own style. You should dress in a way that accurately reflects your personality, likes, dislikes, and character. All I know is that men like women because they are different than men (Genesis 2:18-25).
A godly man is not looking for a wife that is just like all his guy friends. Something about you needs to be feminine – different than the masculine. Even if you dress more tomboyish and like things that men typically like and women don’t, you have to still set yourself apart in a feminine way somehow. I’ll leave the expression of that principle to you.
Related Article: What Does the Bible Say About Modesty and How a Christian Woman Should Dress?