How can you get a Christian girl to like you? It’s not wrong to want to attract a beautiful Christian woman.
Sure a man can turn a woman’s external beauty into an idol. Of course a man can become a player when he just wants to use a girl and then leave her. A good Christian man will know true beauty is something more than skin deep. He will never lie or compromise his character just to win the approval of a woman. But there is nothing wrong for a Christian man to do his best to be attractive to good single women so he can marry a Christian girl he finds pleasure in. This can all be done wholesomely and biblically. God made attraction between women and men and when used properly it is a gift.
So how can a Christian man do his best in getting a Christian girl to like him?
To Attract a Good Christian Woman, You First Need to Be a Good Christian Man
There are certainly outliers when it comes to attraction and romantic chemistry, but usually two people are attracted to each other when they are similar in certain ways. People who love to party and stay out late are not usually attracted to people who like to stay home and read books. People who are tall are not usually instantly attracted to people who are much shorter. People who speak different languages don’t usually fall in love. Again, there are always exceptions, but birds of the same feather usually flock together, so to speak.
So if you want to be with a good Christian woman, you need to be a good Christian man. Natural attraction will take place when you become like her in certain ways. If you love God and seek to obey him in your life, women who are doing the same thing will usually be attracted to that about you. They will sense it if you are not authentic.
Therefore, in the rest of this article, I’m basically just going to point out some character qualities of a real man that Christian women want in their husband. If you want a Christian girl to like you, you must become a godly man.
- An Attractive Godly Man Doesn’t Demand Respect, He Embraces Responsibility
All men want respect, but only a real man wants responsibility. The defining difference between boys and men is responsibility. You can’t call yourself a strong Christian man if you are afraid of serving, loving, and taking responsibility for the wellbeing of others. Responsibility is prerequisite for leadership. If you don’t have any responsibility you are not leading anything and thus you are not a leader.
If a husband has six-pack abs, great looking hair, makes lots of money, drives a great car, but never plays with the kids, never pays attention to the emotions of his wife, and barely thinks about his responsibilities to his family, his wife will not be attracted to him.
In my opinion, a fear of responsibility is one of the main issues plaguing millennial men. We want to grow our beards out and where manly clothes, but so few men nowadays are drawn to true responsibility. And so many of us live small, non-influential lives. We play video games and know where all the best taco restaurants are at in town when in reality we are the age where we should be ready to take responsibility for leading a family for Christ.
A Proverbs 31 woman is the go to description for what a godly woman looks like. In Proverbs 31:23 we get a glimpse into the type of man a Christian woman finds attractive, “Her husband is known in the gates when he sits among the elders of the land.” A godly woman wants a man who is well respected. The “elders of the land” are the men who have taken responsibility for the protection and health of the land and its people. If her husband is found among the elders, it means he is a man of responsibility.
No woman finds a man attractive who demands respect. Rather, Christian men are attractive to Christian women when they welcome and embrace responsibility.
- Women Are Attracted to Men Who Are Secure In Their Identity
Nothing is more of a turn off to a woman than a man who doesn’t know who he is. In other words, Christian girls are attracted to men who are validated as Christian men. She may not be able to articulate the difference she feels between one guy and the other. But more than likely she is feeling the one man’s unswered question, “Am I a man?” compared to the other man’s answer, “I am a man.”
A woman doesn’t want to be with a guy who is constantly asking this question about his manhood. She wants to be with a man who is constantly expressing his manhood in Christ-like ways. Obviously men do not ask this question literally with their words all day, but when a man is constantly looking for approval, constantly “one-upping” everyone with his stories, constantly flaunting his material possessions, constantly looking for the next glamorous way to be praised by the world around him – in these subtle ways he is asking the question, “Am I a strong man?” He acts the way he does because he wants someone to make him feel like a real man.
This is why men are so infatuated with beautiful women. We believe that the best way to feel like a strong man is to win a pretty girl. Ironically, when we go to a woman to get this question answered, eventually we end up pushing her away with the pressure we are placing on her. No matter how hard we try to get a woman to fill the void within us, she can never truly validate our masculinity. A man must be validated by other men, by his father, and most importantly by God. Only masculinity can bestow masculinity.
Therefore a man must not go to woman to find his strength. Rather, he must go to a woman to offer his strength. When a man knows who he is, when he knows he has a strength to offer, when he knows he is God’s son, he will have a strength inside of him to offer rather than a void to be filled.
(Note: I learned much of the above by reading Wild at Heart by John Eldridge.)
- An Attractive Godly Man Has Direction in Life
Another trait of the modern man is a lack of direction and purpose in life. We go to college and change our majors three times, we move from job to job constantly, or we volunteer at church only to vanish after a few weeks of serving. I’m not saying that real men don’t make changes in their lives sometimes. None of us know exactly how we are going to live life. Much of the time God reveals his plan for our lives through trial and error.
But there is a difference between trying things out compared to being directionless in life. There’s a difference between dating multiple girls to find the one you want to marry compared to dating multiple girls because you have a commitment issue. There’s a difference between not knowing your specific calling compared to not know your ultimate calling of glorifying God in everything you do.
A drifter is not the type of man a godly woman is attracted to. She doesn’t need you to have your life planned out on an excel sheet and to promise you will never deviate from this plan. But when a man doesn’t know why he is on planet earth, when he doesn’t know his spiritual gifts, when he has no clue on how he hopes to live his life – a godly woman is not going to want to join him on this ride of mystery.
Most men assume that the woman is the adventure. They think their purpose in life is to love and be loved by a beautiful Christian woman. But a mature Christian woman knows enough about herself to know she is not that interesting. She knows there is more to life than herself. A Christian woman does not want to be the adventure for her man. She does, however, want to join her man on an important adventure.
We all have a desire to live a life of importance and leave a legacy of service behind us. We all want to be remembered for something more than cuddling on the couch and watching full seasons of Netflix together. So when a man’s only plan in life is to win a pretty Christian girl, the pretty Christian girl usually keeps her distance until this man finds some direction in life.
(Note: I also learned a good amount of this information from John Eldridge in Wild at Heart.)
- A Woman’s Passion for a Man Correlates to a Man’s Pursuit of that Woman
We can debate this point all day, but an obvious fact to me that is confirmed in Scripture is that men and women are different. We both bear the image of God, but we do so differently. One way men and women are different is in who pursues and who responds.
Of course this principle shouldn’t be followed legalistically, but in general God has designed a man to pursue a woman and he designed a woman to respond to a man. Not to be too graphic, but these different roles in romance are even reflected in how God designed the human anatomy. A man initiates and a woman receives. If you don’t get what I mean, ask your biology teacher to give you the sex talk.
When a man wants to be chased by a girl, when a man is passive, and when a man shuts down and waits for the woman to repair the relationship when there’s a fight – these are not attractive qualities to a godly woman. A woman wants to be pursued.
Even when a woman is not attracted to you when she sees you across the room, if you make the effort to pursue her, normally she will be more attracted to you. I’m not saying every girl you pursue will like you, but I can guarantee no Christian girl will like you for long if you don’t pursue her. If she sends you a message or invites you to pursue her by letting you know she’s interested but then you don’t act, her feelings will change eventually. She won’t like you forever if you never pursue her.
Likewise, even when you get into a relationship or you get married, the level of romance in your relationship will be contingent upon the level of your pursuit of your woman. When a man stops pursuing his woman, she stops having a passion for her man.
- A Christian Woman Is Attracted to a Good Provider
I hear a lot of guys complain that women are gold diggers and all they care about is money. Sure, some women do this. But a good Christian woman cares about provision. Even when she doesn’t have kids, she’s already naturally (often subconsciously) assessing the needs of her future family and your ability as a man to meet those needs because that’s what a good woman does.
She’s not a gold digger. She’s smart. She doesn’t want her future kids to starve and she doesn’t want to be on the streets one day. If she just married the first guy that showed interest in her without ever looking at his work history and financial patterns in life, she would be a fool. Again, a woman can be materialistic if she just likes a guy because he makes a lot of money. That’s not good. But it’s ridiculous for a guy still living in his mom’s basement who can’t hold down a real job to complain about Christian girls not giving him a chance. Hmm, I wonder why?
A Christian woman is attracted to a man who can provide well because provision is a part of a man’s God-given responsibility. This doesn’t mean a woman can’t work. This doesn’t mean a woman can’t make more money than her husband. This just means that a man shouldn’t be lazy and thoughtless when it comes to finances.
And this doesn’t mean a guy needs to have his career figured out and be able to buy a house on the wedding day. I made $12 an hour when we got married and we lived in a cheap apartment and we both drove old junky cars. I was in school so my wife made more money than me for years. I just wanted a job with insurance in case my wife got pregnant. Once I knew I could provide the essentials of life, we felt comfortable proceeding in marriage.
I think one reason so many people wait later in life to get married nowadays is because our standards have risen. Provision is important, but you can also swing in the other direction and feel like you need to have the highest lifestyle possible to get married. There’s nothing wrong with living simple so the two of you can get married. You can grow financially together over the years. As a man, you need to take responsibility for provision but don’t expect yourself to make as much money at 24 years old as you will when you are 44 years old.
Sorry if you are a guy who is offended by this section. Again, a woman can take this out of context. If she only likes a guy for financial reasons this is not good. But yes, I will be teaching my daughter to look at what type of job a guy has and what career goals he has. And if you have a daughter one day, trust me, you will be doing the same thing. So don’t complain if a godly woman is uncomfortable with your lack of career goals and inability to hold down a job. Learn to provide and then pursue a godly woman.
- Overall, the Way to Get a Christian Girl to Like You Is By Being a Mature Christian Man
Maturity. That’s probably the simplest ways to sum all this up. Maturity means you act like a man and not a boy. My wife is 5 years older than me and we started having feelings for one another when I was 19 and she was 24. We started dating when I was 20 and we got married when I was 22. I was young but God had turned me into a man which allowed my wife, who is a beautiful Christian woman, to like me.
If you act like boy, dress like a boy, and live like a boy, a beautiful mature Christian woman is not going to be attracted to you. Men and women are attracted to one another naturally. When you are a mature Christian man, women will be attracted to you because God made it that way.
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