John was talking to Pastor Matthew about Lucy. Pastor Matthew asked, “So it sounds like you really like her. Tell me the story of what’s happened so far.”
John then recounted the first time he saw her. He had come to the Wednesday night prayer meeting, and then all of a sudden, there she was, sitting right night to him.
After the meeting had ended, she turned to him and said, “Hi, I’m Lucy.” John then introduced himself and asked if Lucy had been coming to this church for very long. She explained that she was new in town and was just checking it out. After a few more minutes of small talk, they parted ways.
However, John had fallen hard for Lucy. He thought of how she had chosen to sit right next to him and how she also opened up the conversation. He felt like she had intentionally done those things because maybe she was interested in him.
In the days that followed, John’s feelings intensified the more he thought about her. Also, he confessed to Pastor Matthew that he knew Lucy was his “type” physically, so he worried he might be infatuated for the wrong reasons without really knowing her.
Pastor Matthew then asked, “Was that the only interaction you’ve had with her?”
“Yes, I’ve seen her at church a few times since that point. But I haven’t talked to her anymore. I’m just trying to figure out if God is in this or not. What do you think?”
What should Pastor Matthew say? How can you know if a connection is really happening or if it just your feelings misleading you?
In this article, we will talk about 5 signs that could mean your following your feelings rather than the facts when it comes to your relationship hopes with someone.
1. Big Emotional Waves Rooted in Small Experiences Usually Mean You’re Following Your Feelings Rather than the Facts
“Well, John,” Pastor Matthew continued, “I certainly can’t tell you the future. I’m not God. So definitely pray about everything I say. And feel free to take a different approach. But to me, I think you need more evidence before you can know anything good or bad about this possible connection.”
Pastor Matthew then explained that while it could be a good sign that Lucy chose to sit next him and small talk after the prayer meeting, she could have also just randomly sat there and was being friendly. And while John certainly felt like he wanted to be something more with Lucy, it was also clear that John didn’t really know Lucy at all. Therefore, Pastor Matthew encouraged John not to think too much more about Lucy until he interacted with her more. He told John to try to talk to her next time he saw her.
John took Pastor Matthew’s words to heart. He tried to talk to her that Sunday, but he didn’t see her. Thankfully the next week, he spotted her as she was leaving the church and walking to her car. He didn’t know what he should do. He was nervous, afraid of looking stupid by just approaching her in the parking lot.
Finally, he just went for it. He ran over to her and said, “Hey, Lucy, it’s me John. We met at the prayer meeting a few weeks ago. How have you been?” She seemed surprised, but she smiled and said, “Oh, hey, right, I remember you. I’ve been good. How have you been?” They small-talked for a bit longer, asking each other about their jobs, where they live, and other little things like that. There was then an awkward pause, signaling the natural end of the conversation.
Before John knew it, he blurted out, “Well, no pressure or anything, but I’d love to get to know you more. Would it be okay if I gave you a call sometime?” Lucy blushed. The seconds seemed like hours were passing, but then she finally said, “Yeah, sure. Give me your phone and I’ll put in my number.”
After Lucy drove away, John ran back into the church and went straight to Pastor Matthew. John told him what he just did. Pastor Matthew gave him a fist bump and said, “Nice work, brother. Don’t get too excited, but that’s at least a good sign she’s open to getting to know you more.”
Was Lucy giving John her phone number a sign from God that he just met his future wife? No, that would be pushing things too far. While John should be a little excited, he shouldn’t be over the moon at this point. He’s got a good start to see if this relationship connection is real rather than it just being his feelings, but he still needs more evidence to really know what God is saying.
Proverbs 3:5-6, “Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make straight your paths.”
2. If Your Imagination Is Working Harder than Your Vocalization, Then that Is a Good Sign Your Feelings Are Leading Rather than the Facts
Later that night, sitting alone in his bedroom, John was trying to stay calm. But deep down he knew he was way too excited. His imagination was roaring. He would never admit this to anyone, but he was already thinking about what it would be like to marry Lucy. He thought about the honeymoon to Hawaii he always dreamed about. Later than night, he sensed his thoughts were even getting close to lusting.
Before going to sleep, he knelt down next to his bed and prayed, “Father, I’m sorry for idolizing this woman I barely know. Help me to be wise. Help me to not be controlled by my feelings, but also help me not to ignore my feelings. I ask that you would help me explore this relationship possibility it a mature and balanced way.” John then felt a lot of peace sweep over him.
A few days later, John called Lucy, but she didn’t pick up. However, she did text him a few hours later and apologized for missing his call. She then continued to text him, asking how his week was, if he had read any good books lately, and she asked about what hobbies he liked to do. John reciprocated all the questions back to her and asked a few of his own.
Throughout the next few weeks, Lucy never texted John first, but she always responded within a few hours if he texted her. John always approached her first at church, but whenever he did she was always kind and seemed happy to talk with him.
But now John was confused on what to do next. He couldn’t tell if they were headed towards dating or if she was just being kind because he was the one who kept approaching her and texting her.
John explained all this to Pastor Matthew, who then responded by saying, “I think you’ve done a great job up until this point. It would be easy to just imagine being with her, but you are actually trying to talk to her whenever you can. She seems to be talking to you too. So that’s great.”
John felt good that Pastor Matthew was encouraging him, but it also felt like Pastor Matthew wasn’t done talking. “So what do you think I should do now?” John asked.
Pastor Matthew paused for a moment, “I don’t know. I don’t want to tell you what I would do. I’m more interested in what you feel led to do. What do you think God is saying about all this?”
John paused, thinking before responding. “Good question. I’m not totally sure, but I feel like I probably just need to go for it and ask her on a date. Otherwise, I’ll probably never know if she likes me or not.”
Pastor Matthew nodded his head and then said, “That’s not a bad plan. You both seem like mature Christians. There’s no harm in being a gentleman and asking her out. The worst that can happen is that she says no.”
2 Timothy 1:7, “For God gave us a spirit not of fear but of power and love and self-control.”
3. If You’re Strong First Impressions Are Influencing You More than Ongoing Evidence, This Means You’re Being Led By Your Feelings Rather than the Facts
So then what happened? Well, Lucy rejected John’s offer. John was disappointed, but he also just couldn’t stop thinking about their first encounter. “She did sit next to me, right? She is the one who talked to me first.” He then went on thinking, “She did give me her number. And when I went home and prayed about her, I did feel peace. Maybe her and I will still end up together even though she said no to me.”
At this point, John was following his feelings rather than the facts. If Lucy was interested in him like John was interested in her, she would have gone on a date with him. Or if she couldn’t for some other reason, she would have at least explained herself more and given him some hope for the future. Instead, she just, “No thank you. I don’t see you like that. But thank you for the offer.”
2 Timothy 4:5 (NLT), “But you should keep a clear mind in every situation.”
4. Assuming You Know the Reason for a Lack of Progression and then Assuming that Will Change Means You Are Following Your Feelings Rather than the Facts
So then John called Pastor Matthew.
“Man, what a bummer,” Pastor Matthew said. “I’m sorry things didn’t work out for you. But at least you have clarity now. It’s better to know the truth rather than wondering for months and months if she likes you too.”
And then all of a sudden, John blurted out, “Yeah, but don’t you think she might just be scared. I remember she mentioned she had just gotten out of a relationship a few months ago. I think she might be worried about getting hurt again. You know?”
Pastor Matthew wanted to respond quickly and shut John down, but he knew better. Instead, he asked John a follow up question, “Interesting. What makes you think that? Did Lucy ever say she liked you? Did she ever say she was scared of getting hurt again?”
“No,” John said. “It’s just a feeling I have. It just feels like she does like me but something is holding her back.”
“But you don’t have any evidence for that, right? You’re saying you just feel that way?”
“Well . . . yeah, I guess so. I can’t think of any evidence I can tell you for why I feel this way.”
“Okay,” Pastor Matthew said. “In love, let me just be honest with you. I think you’re being led by your feelings and not the facts.”
It stung to hear those words, but John listened. After a long silence on the phone, John said, “You’re probably right. I’ll pray about that.”
While there certainly are some valid reasons for why some people are shut down towards you even though they actually like you, it’s a sign your feelings are leading rather than the facts if you assume you know why they don’t like you. It’s best to just accept reality. If someone is not open to a relationship with you, that’s all you need to know.
1 Peter 5:8, “Be sober-minded; be watchful. Your adversary the devil prowls around like a roaring lion, seeking someone to devour.”
5. If the Connection Doesn’t Make Sense, It’s Usually a Sign You’re Following Your Feelings Over the Facts
After a few days of prayer, John’s thinking became a lot clearer. Looking back, he suddenly realized the facts just didn’t line up with Lucy. Their work schedules were completely different. Their hobbies didn’t align at all. And while she seemed like a great Christian woman, he also felt like they viewed important things a lot differently, like politics.
Six months later, John met Paige. Things started out in a very similar way to the way things started with Lucy. But this time John handled his emotions a lot better. He took a lot of the same steps, but this time Paige accepted his offer to go on a date. They then became an official couple. Things are now headed towards engagement.
And so, when God is truly allowing you to form a connection with someone, the facts will be clear. The relationship will actually make sense. You won’t have to jump through a bunch of mental hoops to convince yourself that this is the one. The connection itself will make that clear.
James 1:5, “If any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask God, who gives generously to all without reproach, and it will be given him.”
