If you are a Christian woman who wants to understand Christian single men, this article is for you.
Here are 4 fears Christian men have about women.
1. Christian Men Fear Rejection and Regret
Everyone fears rejection. However, when a Christian man is healthy and desires a wife, he will also have a competing fear of regret. On one hand, he will not want to needlessly expose himself to a woman saying no to his pursuit, while on the other hand he will not want to needlessly live with the “what if” questions that often come with a lack of pursuit.
Thus, a man will pursue a woman when his fear of regret outweighs his fear of rejection. He will be doing the internal math. He will try to forecast his future feelings about this current situation. He’ll ask himself, “Will I always wonder what could have happened if I pursued this woman?”
Therefore, if you are a Christian single woman who wants a certain man to pursue her, if you help him see that his life would be better with you than without you, his fear of regret will motivate him to pursue you, pushing past his fear of rejection.
Of course, you can’t control a man’s feelings. It’s ultimately up to him to overcome his fear of rejection with the Lord (2 Timothy 1:7). If he’s too afraid to pursue you, it simply means he’s not the one God has for you.
2. Christian Men Fear Being Your Second Choice
No one can live up to the idols we cling to in our past. A man knows that there are many women out there who are secretly addicted to a memory of a guy in her past. The only reason she isn’t with that guy is because that guy has moved on. A Christian man is looking for signs that a woman is in this situation. He never wants to be your plan B.
Another reason many Christian guys feel like a woman’s plan B is when that woman had a season of worldliness and slept around with a bunch of guys. A good Christian man, however, will be able to tell the difference between a woman who has truly repented of her sinful past and is a different woman now compared to a woman who just wants to settle down and get married so she’s simply changing her focus onto a different type of man.
A Christian man will know he’s not perfect either, so he will be able to see a woman through God’s grace just has he will know a woman will need to see him through God’s grace. And yet, Christian men will also fear falling for those women who actually enjoy sinful men but who want the safety and security that a responsible man can offer (Proverbs 7:10-20).
If you’re a godly woman with genuine intentions, you have nothing to fear. A godly man will sense this and see he is your first choice if you truly love him (Proverbs 31:11-12).
3. Christian Men Fear Not Being Able to Provide What Will Make You Happy
The main thing a man wants in marriage is to make his wife happy. It makes him happy to make her happy. Thus, his man fear will marrying a woman who won’t be happy with him. This fear is especially prevalent when it comes to his ability to provide.
Most men are not afraid of being able to provide. However, many of them will fear “providing enough” to meet the expectations and demands of certain women. To be clear, we’re not talking about an immature man will not care about providing a good life for his family through his hard work and sacrifice. A godly man will obviously know the value he brings through going to work every day: a home, food on the table, and other needs and wants for him family.
Rather, we’re talking about good men who simply fear ending up with a woman who always wants more no matter how much he gives. A bigger house, nicer cloths, a newer car, more lavish vacations, etc. There are some women who always want more, more, more.
There’s nothing wrong with wanting nice things, but just remember what 1 Timothy 6:10 warns, “For the love of money is a root of all kinds of evils. It is through this craving that some have wandered away from the faith and pierced themselves with many pangs.” When a woman loves money, one of the pangs she inflicts upon herself is that she will push godly men away from her.
However, if you are a good manager of money and have learned to be content in Christ with little or much, you will be very attractive to a godly man. He will love providing for you, and you will reap the benefits of growing financially with him over the years.
4. Christian Men Fear Missing God’s Will
For most men, there greatest fear is not ending up alone. Rather, their greatest fear is marrying a woman who will make them miserable.
In short, a godly man will fear missing God’s will. He will fear pursuing a woman God does not have for him and he will fear not pursuing the woman God does have for him.
Therefore, as a Christian woman who wants to be pursued by a godly man, the best thing you can do is to be seeking God’s will yourself. A lot of women defer to the man, looking to him to hear from God about their relationship. But a godly man wants the woman to be just as sure, knowing that if God really wants them together, she will sense this from the Lord just as much as he is sensing this from the Lord (Genesis 24:58).
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