Here are 10 possible reasons for why God may be keeping you single even though you wish you could be in a relationship with a good woman.
And please note the word “possible.” I’m not saying these will all apply to every single man. Rather, these are common reasons that often explain why some guys are single even though they want to be with a godly woman.
1. It Wouldn’t Be Good for You Right Now
God loves you too much as his son to give you something that would not be good for you. Matthew 7:11 states, “If you then, who are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father who is in heaven give good things to those who ask him!”
You may not know why a relationship is not good for you right now. But do you trust your Heavenly Father? Do you trust his heart for you? If so, just know that he will give you the right woman when it’s the right time for you – when it’s good for you.
2. You Haven’t Learned What You Need to Learn to Move on to the Next Season
Luke 16:10-11, “One who is faithful in a very little is also faithful in much, and one who is dishonest in a very little is also dishonest in much. If then you have not been faithful in the unrighteous wealth, who will entrust to you the true riches?”
God loves you too much to let you miss the lessons he’s trying to teach you. Perhaps once you are faithful with what God has given you to manage right now, he will give you more to manage one day, including a relationship.
3. You Want It Too Bad and for the Wrong Reasons (Idolatry)
God won’t bless you with an idol. I’m not saying that God will only give you what you don’t want. You don’t need to play mental gymnastics with God and make him think you don’t want a relationship so he then gives you a relationship.
Rather, God wants you to be able to honor him with the gifts he gives you (1 Corinthians 10:31). If you would worship the gift rather than the Giver, oftentimes you won’t be given the gift.
If you know this point relates to you, this doesn’t mean you need to forsake your desire for a relationship. Rather, it means you need to sanctify your desires for a relationship. Confess your idolatry and turn back to God, seeking to use a relationship with a woman to bring God more glory.
(For more on this, read: 4 Ways to Overcome a Relationship Idol in Your Heart.)
4. A Secret Sin
Psalm 139:7-8 states, “Where shall I go from your Spirit? Or where shall I flee from your presence? If I ascend to heaven, you are there! If I make my bed in Sheol, you are there!” You can hide from everyone else. But God sees everything.
I’m not saying you must earn a wife through obeying God. Rather, when we sin, we lose our capacity to follow God to the best of our ability. A secret sin is like trying to use a compass when there’s a strong magnet nearby. The sin will hinder your ability to follow the Lord’s leading in your life.
Perhaps he’s been trying to lead you to the right woman, but you have been unable to follow him because of this secret sin contaminating your devotion to him (Galatians 5:25).
5. You Would Hurt God’s Daughter Right Now
There are always two sides to a relationship. While God is considering your heart, he’s also considering his daughter’s heart. If you are not emotionally, financially, and spiritually ready to lead a woman well, God will not give you a godly relationship until you get these other areas in order.
You don’t need to be a perfect man to be in a godly relationship. But you do need to be ready to handle a woman’s heart in a biblical, God-honoring way (1 Peter 3:7, Colossians 3:19).
6. You Are Not Willing to Take on the Responsibility Yet
Sometimes a man wants a relationship and simultaneously does things to avoid a relationship because he knows he doesn’t want that level of responsibility right now. Proverbs 19:3 states, “When a man’s folly brings his way to ruin, his heart rages against the Lord.”
When God gives you a woman who will become your wife one day, it’s not like you own her or that she’s your possession. But it does mean you have taken responsibility for her wellbeing as the man in her life (Ephesians 5:28-29). A husband is called to provide and protect his wife.
If you are not ready for that responsibility, you can’t have a godly relationship.
7. You Are Aimless Without a Plan for Your Future
A good woman isn’t going to need you to have a great career, a house, and your whole life planned out right now, especially if you are on the younger side of manhood. But she will need to see that you have a plan, goals, and things you are working towards.
This plan may change over the years, but if you are aimless and don’t seem to be going anywhere, a woman will avoid you. Proverbs 20:4 states, “The sluggard does not plow in the autumn; he will seek at harvest and have nothing.”
A woman doesn’t want to join a man on his road to nowhere. She will join him on the journey when she likes the way he’s headed.
8. The Woman God Has for You Is Not Ready Yet
It’s entirely possible you are ready, responsible, and prepared to honor the Lord in a relationship with a godly woman. But again, relationships always involve two people. If your future wife still has work to do before God releases her into a relationship with you, you will have to wait for her.
This is a good reminder to not only pray for yourself before marriage but to also start praying for your future wife, whoever she may be. Pray for her as she navigates her singleness just like you are praying for yourself (1 Peter 5:7).
9. God’s Purpose for You Right Now Will Be Better Accomplished Through Singleness
The main factor when determining if someone is called to marriage or singleness is whether or not marriage or singleness will best equip them for their service to God (see 1 Corinthians 7).
Sometimes a man is called to marriage, but before he gets there God has a ministry purpose for him that can be better accomplished through singleness.
10. You Are Being Too Passive
Perhaps you are not waiting on God. Perhaps God is waiting on you. Many men are ready for a relationship and God would give them that blessing if only they were bold enough to prayerfully pursue it.
Like Israel who had to fight for the Promise Land even though it was a gift from God, oftentimes your blessing is behind a battle (Joshua 17:14-18). If you are too passive to pursue a woman and fight the battles necessary to win her, then you will remain single.