Here are 12 common Christian dating mistakes that can be avoided.
- A lack of effort to meet other Christian singles.
When Christians want a new job, they pray and apply to open positions. When Christians get sick, they pray and they visit the doctor. When Christians want to lose some weight, they pray and they buy a membership to the gym.
But when Christians want to meet, date, and marry a godly single person, for some reason many of us just pray. Yes, depend on God for everything you need. Pray about everything as the word of God says to do. But don’t neglect to put in the practical effort that God often uses to bring the blessings he desires to give us.
(James 2:17, John 2:12).
- Not trying all common relationship avenues that have worked for many other people.
One mistakes many Christians make is that they start writing their love story in their minds before God writes it into reality. So when they dream of meeting someone at church, sometimes they shut all other relationship doors that don’t fit that vision.
Many Christians who have finally humbled themselves and tried online dating, blind dates, or going to a singles event have received the relationship they wanted. But if they would have clung to the love story they wrote in their own minds, they would have stayed single.
(Proverbs 19:2, Proverbs 13:12)
- Not bringing someone you like to a point of decision.
One of the worst parts about dating for Christians is all the confusion. Does she like me? Does he think I’m attractive? Is God putting us together?
Most of the time the key to really answering these questions is to bring the other person to a point of decision. You have to ask a question that requires a clear yes or no. Do you want to go on a date? Do you want to go to the Christmas party with me? Will you be my girlfriend?
When you ask clear questions you will get the clear answers you are looking for.
(Genesis 3:9, John 6:67)
- Waiting too long to pursue a woman, or waiting too long to respond to a man’s pursuit.
Sometimes people know they need to act or else they will miss their opportunity. However, once they do act, that opportunity has already passed them by because they still waited too long. One way to solve this problem is to define what season of life you are in before you even meet someone you are interested in.
If you know you are not in a season to date, you will not be all thrown off and confused when you meet someone you like. You will know it’s not God’s timing. But if you know you are in a season that you are prepared to date someone, you will be ready to act and not wait when you meet someone you like.
(Proverbs 3:5-7, Ecclesiastes 3:1-8)
- Caring too much about what your friends and family say.
In an ideal world, our family and friends would offer us perfect advice at the exact time we needed it. But life is not that simple. Sometimes we overestimate the value of our friends and family’s opinions. If you feel like God is leading you through his word, then you need to follow God and not the opinions of others.
(Galatians 1:10, 1 John 5:21)
- Not caring enough about what your friends and family say.
On the other hand, we also need to value the words of wisdom God brings to us through his earthly vessels. When our friends and family have proven themselves to be wise and mature Christians, we should not start ignoring what they say just because they are now saying things we don’t like.
So many Christians would spare themselves pain if they slowed down and listened to the concerns of those who love them when they are about to enter into a toxic relationship.
(Proverbs 12:15, Proverbs 19:20)
- Trying to have your life perfectly in order before you even attempt to be in a relationship.
You don’t need to have your career totally figured out to start dating towards marriage as a Christian. But you do need a decent job. You don’t need to have enough money to pay for your dream wedding. You just need enough money to have a wedding. You don’t need to be able to pay for a mortgage to a huge house. You need enough money to pay the rent in an apartment.
Many Christians try to get every possible duck in a row before getting starting to date anyone because they feel like they could never get married if they didn’t have their whole life figured out yet. This isn’t necessary. As long as you are a responsible Christian adult you can get married.
(Romans 8:28, Psalm 9:10)
- Dating the wrong person for too long.
One of the easiest ways to avoid dating the right person is to keep dating the wrong person. Many Christians find it hard to let go of a relationship because they feel like this might be their best option. It’s hard to meet other Christian singles, and so when you do meet and start dating one, it can be a challenger to let that go.
But when God leads you to breakup, you must obey. Disobeying his leading will keep you stuck with the wrong person.
(2 Peter 3:9, Matthew 4:17)
- Holding onto hope for too long that a certain relationship will happen.
When you get attached to someone in your past, your heart will also get stuck in the past. Life will have moved on. That person will no longer be in your life. But if you are attached in your heart still you will be emotionally frozen in time.
You have to move on from relationships in your past if you want to receive the blessings God has for you in the future.
(Luke 7:30, Philippians 1:6)
- Assuming abstinence is outdated and having sex because “everyone” else is too.
Are most people having sex before marriage? Yes. Will you be mocked by the world if you choose to wait until marriage? Yes. Will it be hard to resist sexual temptation before marriage? Yes.
None of that changes what the Bible says. We reap what we sow. If you give into the idol of sex, you will miss out on the blessings of the one true God.
(1 Corinthians 7:8-9, 1 Thessalonians 4:3)
- Thinking someone will turn into a mature Christian spouse even though they are currently not a mature Christian single person.
You will need to be mature to have a successful marriage. But marriage will not mature you. Who you are before you say “I do” will be the same person you are after you say your vows but you will now have more responsibility.
One common mistake Christians make is, “If we can just get married everything will get better.” This is just not true.
(Galatians 6:7-8, Job 4:8)
- Making excuses so you can disobey clear commands in the Bible.
There are literally countless mistakes you can make in Christian dating. How on earth can you learn enough to avoid all of these endless pitfalls?
God gives us daily warnings and insight through his word. We have to study it every day and apply it to our lives all the time. There will always be challengers to obey God. If you let those challenges turn into excuses to disobey him, you will never succeed in life or in Christian dating.
You must resolve in your heart to obey God no matter what.
(Matthew 11:16-19, Proverbs 22:13, James 1:25)