How will you know if you should hold onto the hope of being with a certain woman or if you should let her go?
Here are 3 signs God is saying, “Let her go.”
1. If the Feelings Have Been One-Sided for More than a Few Months, God Is Probably Telling You to Let Her Go
One of the variables that make this type of question complicated is that there are plenty of examples of a woman not liking a guy at first but then changing her mind later on. Thus, it will be a natural to wonder if this might happen to you. This is an especially appealing hope when you really like this woman but the feelings are not yet mutual. That could change. Right?
Yes, that’s true. Her feelings could truly change. Many women are guarded and so their first reaction is often a “no” to any guy who pursues them or shows interest. Sometimes a woman will only give a guy a chance once he pushes through her first rejection because this shows her that he is serious and not just playing games.
But, in the vast majority of cases, the reason the feelings are one-sided is simply because she is not the one for you and she never will be. When God reveals your wife to you, she will also see you as her husband (Genesis 2:24). Of course that takes time (Song of Solomon 8:4), but the principle of “mutual interest” will be present eventually.
If you feel led to wait for a woman that you really like but who doesn’t seem to like you, I would think in terms of months and not years. If months have passed and she’s not interested, it is highly likely God wants you to move on. Don’t waste your life waiting for a woman who doesn’t want to be with you (Ephesians 5:15-17). The woman God has for you will want to be with you.
2. If You Pursued Her But She Didn’t Give You a Firm Yes or a No Yet, God Is Probably Telling You to Let Her Go
There are a variety of reasons for why a woman might give a guy an unclear answer when he pursues her. The best possible explanation is that she just needs some time to get know the guy first because she’s trying to be wise and guard her heart (Proverbs 4:23). If she doesn’t know if she likes him, it’s not unreasonable for her not say yes or no.
On the other hand, some women don’t give a clear yes or no because they are very compassionate and don’t want to hurt the guys feelings. Instead of just saying, “No” and making it really clear that she is not interested, she gives a non-answer. In her mind she thinks this is actually clear. But in the guy’s mind, he often interprets this non-answer as a “maybe.”
Lastly, there are those women who won’t give a straight answer because they like the attention. They know they will never date you but they also don’t want to lose your attention while they don’t have any other male attention. They will give you just enough hope to make you keep pursuing even though they know they will never actually give you a chance. Once they meet a guy they do like, you then get ignored.
It’s not always possible to know what category a woman falls into if she is not giving you a clear yes or not when you pursue her. Here, again, the “few months” principle comes in handy. Whether she just can’t decide if she likes you, whether she is just being nice and doesn’t want to give you a hard no, or she is manipulative and truly playing you – in the end, it doesn’t really matter. The bottom line is still the same: She’s not saying yes.
Instead of seeing her non-answer as unclear, it’s wiser to realize a non-answer is an answer. She’s not saying yes, which over time, by default, is the same thing as a no. It’s time to move on if she is forever vague about her feelings towards you.
3. If She Likes You But Doesn’t Love You or If You Like Her but Don’t Love Her, God Is Probably Telling You to Let Her Go
This point is really for those men who are in a relationship with a woman and are wondering if God wants them to continue. Whether you are just talking, dating, or getting close to marriage, remember the main aim for why you are pursuing this woman to begin with. As a Christian man, you are not looking for a girlfriend. You are looking for a Christian wife (Proverbs 18:22).
It’s okay if you are unsure if you love her or you are unsure if she loves you. That’s what dating is for, to see if you want to love each other and get married. But if it’s become clear that you only like this woman and don’t want to marry her because you love her or it becomes clear that she only likes you but will never marry you because she doesn’t truly love you – this means you should let her go.
When you know marriage will never happen, dating becomes pointless. The faster you move on from the woman God doesn’t want you to marry, the faster you can find the woman God does want you to marry.
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