Are they just trying to hurt you by moving on so quickly? Or was it easy for them to start a new relationship so fast because they really didn’t care about you? What should you do when your ex moves on so effortlessly?
While the Bible does not answer such specific relationship questions, the principles in Scripture provide us with all the answers we need to heal and move on in every type of situation.
Therefore, here are 4 biblical responses you can take when you feel your ex has moved on too fast.
1. When You Feel Your Ex Moved on Too Fast, Resist the Urge to Respond
In the steps ahead we will talk about what you can do to ease the pain, but the first step is to not make the pain worse by responding in an unwise way. Proverbs 29:11, “A fool gives full vent to his spirit, but a wise man quietly holds it back.”
Our natural response is often, “What should I do?” However, sometimes the wisest response is, “What should I not do?” When in doubt, remaining silent is usually the right response. When you are dealing with hurts done by someone you are not in a relationship with anymore, words often make the wounds worse because we are trying to solve problems that can’t be solved. Like struggling in quicksand, the more movement you make, the deeper you will sink.
For example, you may feel like your ex has moved on too fast. Your ex, however, clearly doesn’t feel like they did anything wrong. What can you do? Nothing. You can’t change their feelings and they can’t change yours. You two are not together anymore. The responsibility you two once had to each other is no longer present. By doing anything you are entering a battle that shouldn’t even be fought, thus you will always lose.
Don’t text them. Don’t tell someone who will then tell them that you are hurting because they moved on too quickly. Don’t rebound date someone as a way to get revenge. Instead of responding, start by focusing your energy on not making the situation worse.
Once your emotions cool down, you will be so glad you remained in self-control.
2. When You Feel Your Ex Moved on Too Fast, See This as Confirmation that Your Breakup Was Good and Not Bad
Rather than spending your emotional energy on trying to do something in response to your ex moving on so fast, you will have better results by spending your emotional energy on creating a perspective shift within yourself. The two most basic ways to look at a situation are:
1. This is bad.
2. This is good.
Instead of cataloging all the ways this situation is bad, spend time thinking about how this could actually be good for you. For example:
- My ex moving on so fast is good because now I know we are truly done and I don’t need to wonder if we should get back together.
- My ex moving on so fast is good because now I know their heart was not that serious about me, and I would never want to be with someone who wasn’t serious about me.
- My ex moving on so fast is good because now I know this person was eager to be with someone else, and I wouldn’t want to be with someone who was eager to date someone else.
The truth can be painful, but if it’s true, wouldn’t you want to know it? If your ex didn’t move on so fast, you might have had a false view of this relationship for years and years. Now you can move on in truth sooner rather than later.
Psalm 32:8, “I will instruct you and teach you in the way you should go; I will counsel you with my eye upon you.” While this type of situation can hurt, God is showing you truth about this old relationship through your ex moving on so fast.
3. When You Feel Your Ex Moved on Too Fast, Release This Person from Your Heart
What is moving too fast? A month? 6 months? A year? If we took a poll, the answers would vary.
So the real reason you feel your ex moved on too fast is not because of the actual number of weeks or months that occurred since you two broke up; rather, the real reason it feels like they moved on too fast is because you feel there is some sort of bond between you both still.
In Proverbs 4:23 (NIV), it states, “Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it.” This command is directed at us. Only we can guard our hearts. We have to choose who we let in and who we remove. We can’t defer this responsibility onto someone else.
Perhaps if they started dating someone in a year you wouldn’t feel they moved on too fast because at that time your heart would not be as emotionally connected to them. But again, it’s not really time that is making you feel this way. You would feel better about this because you would not be emotionally connected to them at this point. If they started dating someone after three months from your breakup but your heart was already disconnected, you wouldn’t feel they moved on too fast then either.
All that to say, when you feel your ex moved on too fast, this is simply a sign you have not fully released them from your heart. Technically speaking, your ex has zero obligation to you and you have zero obligation to them. There is no such thing as moving on too fast from an objective reality. Feeling someone moved on too fast is only a subjective opinion.
I’m not saying your feelings are not valid. I’m not saying you are doing something wrong by feeling hurt. But again, the real issue is not this person’s timing in dating someone else. The real issue is that you have not yet fully released them in your heart.
Which brings us to point 4.
4. When You Feel Your Ex Moved on Too Fast, Remind Yourself that This Person Is Not The One
There are so many ways to heal after a breakup, but perhaps the most important thing you can do is remind yourself that this person is not the one. One of the main contributing factors that spikes your pain is the hope that this person was “your person.” Now it can feel like “your person” is with someone else.
Or maybe you do know this person is not the one, but at one point you did think they were the one. Because the remnant of that old belief still pops up now and then, it causes you pain.
Either way, this breakup and this person moving on so fast is a sign this person is not the one. My definition of “the one” is the person God has planned for you to marry. If don’t marry someone, they are not the one.
When you dreamed about meeting the right person, I’m sure you dreamed about being with someone who wanted to be with you. No one dreams about loving someone who doesn’t love them back. Therefore, this is clearly not the person you’ve dreamed about.
When you recategorize them in your heart and mind as “not the one,” this helps you move on and truly let them go. When God reveals your person to you, this person will want to be with you and you will want to be with them.
You will be one in your love for each other (Genesis 2:24).
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