3 Techniques to Sense if a Man Will Love You Passionately Even After You Commit to Him

I’m going to share a sad story of a woman who got married after going through my courses at AGW University. It’s sad because her journey started out so well. She took the courses, met a man, got married, but she just informed me she’s now getting a divorce.

I’m not sharing this story to gossip or to entertain. Rather, there’s an important lesson Christian single women can learn from her story.

You see, it’s one thing to prepare yourself and take the right action steps to meet someone who wants to date and marry you one day. It’s an entirely different goal, however, to meet someone who will love you passionately even after you get married.

So, if you want to avoid getting into a loveless marriage like this woman, here are 3 techniques you can use to get a proper sense if a man will love you passionately even after you get married.

1. Take More Time to Date a Man Than Your Romantic Desires Will Want

We’ll call this woman Amber (Note: to protect her identity, I will be changing some of the minor details of her story.) I remember sitting at my desk reading her first few emails to me as she started my program. I could tell she was a go-getter-type of woman. She was a high-level manager in a competitive industry. She was the life of the party. She liked to go out dancing with her friends. And she immediately became one of my favorite students to work with. She was taking my advice, changing the places she was spending her time, and diving into the word of God.

However, there was a problem. The changes she was making in her life were not immediately resulting in her meeting a godly man. Her emails became more panicky, worrying that perhaps she had missed God’s window for her. “Amber,” I wrote back in an email, “you’re doing better than you think. You just have to be patient. These things take time.”

But I could tell she was losing her motivation. Slowly, her emails became less frequent. After her 90 days of coaching was up, I no longer heard from her. However, out of the blue, a few months later, I get really surprising email from her. She wrote, “Hi Mark! I just wanted to thank you for all your advice and support. I’m engaged! I know this may seem fast, but me and my fiancé just know we are meant to be, so why wait!”

I felt happy for Amber, but there was also a sinking feeling in my stomach that this might not turn out so well. I feared that Amber was rushing things because her desire for a man’s love was tempting her to avoid a wise season of dating. She had followed my instructions on how to best meet a man, but she was not following my instructions on how to best date and assess a man.

Fast forward a year or so later, I get another email from Amber. “Mark, I’m devasted. The man I married had so many secrets. He’s not at all who I thought he was.”

So what’s the takeaway? Always lead your desires with your mind. Never let your mind lead your desires. I’m not saying you should ignore your desires when you really like a guy. But desires are not a good leader. The mind, however, is a good a leader.

It takes time to really get to know people. You can feel like you know someone in an instant. You just have to remember that there’s a big difference between facts and feelings. If you want to marry a man who will love you passionately even after you get married, you have to take your time in dating to see if he really is who you think he is and to confirm he actually has the character necessary to thrive in marriage.

Proverbs 13:11 states, “Wealth gained hastily will dwindle, but whoever gathers little by little will increase it.” Gather your facts about a man little by little, and you will gain a great wealth of truth. But if you are hasty in getting to know a man and then jumping into a commitment, it’s very possible his love for you will dwindle because it was all a mirage.

2. Examine a Man’s Life to See Examples of Committed and Sacrificial Love

Sitting at my desk after receiving those emails from Amber, I remember feeling a deep grief after reading the sad news of what happened once Amber got married. She explained that her husband claimed to be a Christian, but looking back, she had given him the benefit of the doubt without seeing enough evidence. He had a temper he was hiding and a sexual addiction, both of which came out after they got married. She wrote, “Mark, I feel so dumb. People warned me to slow down. But I didn’t listen. I don’t understand how I could have missed all these warning signs.”

The love a woman craves from a godly man is not the type of love that can be switched on once that romantic spark is lit. Rather, the love that remains passionate even after the pursuer has “won the woman” and married her requires commitment and a readiness to sacrifice.

If a man is not already making sacrifices and commitments before he says he can sacrifice and commit to you in marriage, don’t believe him. A mature love that will last in marriage is like a muscle that must be built over time so it can lift the weight that will one day be required of it.

When Paul talked about love in 1 Corinthians 13, he also stated he needed to leave childish things behind him (1 Corinthians 13:11). The difference between a boy and man in the Bible is that boys need others to take care of them while men are able and willing to take care of others. If a man is not acting like a man before marriage, there’s no reason to assume he possesses the ability to act like a man in marriage.

3. Ask Yourself, “Am I with This Man Because of Loneliness?”

After I received this email about Amber’s divorce, I reread the emails she had sent me when she first started my program and before she met her husband that she’s now divorcing. I began to see a theme that exposed one of the main struggles she felt throughout her life – loneliness.

She explained how foolish she felt when other people asked if she was married or single. She felt like she was cursed by God for her past sins because she didn’t have a husband. She was a young believer, only in her early 30s, but she felt like she had walked with God long enough to get married. She confessed that it felt like God didn’t love her enough to give her a spouse.

I believe her loneliness is one of the reasons she was able to ignore all the red flags that were present before she got married. When this man started pursuing her, she also equated that with God’s blessings and love. She had so much wrapped up into the idea of having a husband, she probably felt like it was impossible to slow down and not marry this man who wanted to marry her so quickly.

The point is, never let loneliness control you. You don’t want to deny the fact that you are lonely. God can use this loneliness as motivation to help you do the hard things you may be avoiding to meet a godly man. But never settle for a man just because you are lonely. Like Amber, you will realize that it’s worse to be with someone who doesn’t love you rather than being alone.

For love to be genuine (Romans 12:9), it needs to be motivated by something more than our personal longing to solve our own loneliness.

So next time things are getting serious with a man, ask yourself, “If I wasn’t lonely at all, would I still want to be with this man? Do I sense he truly loves me and do I truly love him? Or am I just afraid of being alone?” When God pairs a healthy couple together, they are healthy alone first. They then come together and are able to give the love that they possess from the Lord.