I don’t believe in magic spells or psychological tricks to manipulate a guy. Ultimately, a biblical relationship between a man and woman is going to be rooted in mutual Christian beliefs and a mutual desire for each other.
With that said, I do believe it is crucial that the man and woman communicate the right things to each other so that the other person knows how they really feel.
So here are 4 phrases you should say to a man as a way of expressing the right things his heart needs to hear as a man for him to feel free to love a woman.
1. Say, “Yes”
Never say yes to something you don’t want. Never say yes to sin. And I’m certainly not telling you that men just love a mindless woman who always agrees with them.
But what I am saying is that a man wants a partner who is just as excited to be with him as he is to be with her (1 Peter 3:7, Proverbs 21:9). If he pursues you and you make him wait too long or you tell him no because you want to know the distant future before taking any risks, this will push him away.
Ultimately this comes down to you finding a man you want to say yes to. If you need to constantly change the man’s plan or critique what he is doing instead of happily joining him when he pursues you, it’s best to just find a guy you can say yes to instead of a man you feel like you need to change so much.
When you find a man who you want to say yes to, he will love this about you.
2. Say, “I Respect You”
When you read through the roles of the husband and wife in Ephesians 5:21-33, you begin to see the “act and react” nature of their relationship.
Husbands are told to reflect Christ’s love for his church. Christ died for the church, pursues his church, and lovingly supplies the needs of the church. And likewise, wives are called to reflect the church’s love for Christ. The church accepts Christ’s sacrifice, responds to his pursuit, and appreciates his provision. In general, Christ acts and the church reacts.
I believe this is why Paul concluded his instructions about marriage like this, “However, let each one of you love his wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband” (Ephesians 5:33). In other words, he told the husbands to act (love) and he told the wives to react (respect). The man pursues and the woman responds.
A godly man will be happy to sacrifice and love a woman. But he desires for her to respect him for this. Don’t just respect a man blindly if he is not prepared to die for you. But if you disrespect a man who is laying his life down for you, he will not feel loved by you and will not want to marry you. When a man knows you respect him, he will love you for this.
3. Say, “I Trust You”
It’s a vulnerable thing to be a woman. Men come and go all the time. Some men can be trusted and some men cannot be trusted. So of course, you need to be very careful in who you decide to trust.
But a godly man craves your trust. There’s nothing more disheartening to a man who has done all he can to show he is trustworthy but to then still be doubted. The world is constantly doubting a man. At work, among other men, and among the dating pool of women, he feels all their doubts.
Trust is always a two-way street. If a man is choosing to trust you, all he wants is for you to trust him back. When he meets a woman that believes he is trustworthy, he will love this about her.
As it says of the Proverbs 31 woman’s husband, “The heart of her husband trusts in her, and he will have no lack of gain” (Proverbs 31:11).
4. Say, “You Make Me Happy”
Of course only God can make anyone truly happy (Psalm 16:2). But certainly God wants men and women to be happy in their relationships with each other.
With that said, men find happiness differently in a relationship than women do. Women want a man who can make them happy. A man, however, wants a woman who he can make happy.
A woman wants the man to plan a nice date, to buy a nice gift, and to say the right things. But a man doesn’t need these things from a woman. He just wants to know that when he does these things, it makes her happy. If it feels like his efforts don’t result in her happiness, he will not be happy in this type of relationship.
Again, I believe this is why Paul told wives to respect their husbands when their husbands love them (Ephesians 5:33). He did tell wives to love their husbands too in Titus 2:4, but the way that a man will feel loved is by being respected for the love he is giving.
If he knows he makes you happy, he will love you for this.