Here are 4 possible reasons God is not allowing you to move on from someone in your past.
And on quick side note, I wanted to let you know that I just opened enrollment for AGW University today. AGW University is where I offer in-depth biblical relationship training courses for Christian singles who want to be married one day along with personalized email coaching with me. These courses are for people who enjoy this website but want to go even deeper with me in ways that are not possible on this platform.
I’m currently offering 4 courses that walk you through all the necessary steps you need to take to meet the one God has for you. We start by focusing on ourselves and by the end of the courses we will be focusing on practical strategies to help you interact with the opposite sex in the most effective way possible.
I’m also really excited about my newest course that I’m adding in as a free bonus if you enroll before the deadline of Sunday, May 17th. This bonus course is all about how to most effectively use online dating. I believe this course is especially important nowadays due to all the social distancing requirements that are going on. So if you’re wondering how to date in a post-Covid-19 world, this course will really help.
Lastly, because I know the economy has greatly affected many of you, I’m offering a $50 scholarship to everyone who enrolls before the deadline of May 17th. I’ve never offered tuition at this low a rate and won’t be able to always offer this type of savings. (The scholarship code is: AGW50scholarship)
If you’re interested, click here to learn more.
1. The Lord May Not Be Allowing You to Move On from Someone in Your Past Because You and God Still Have Work to Do in Your Heart
Ironically, when we try to rush our healing we actually end up prolonging the process. It’s very similar to having a physical injury. If for example you twisted your ankle, you will actually stay injured for longer if you try to start walking on it before it is properly healed.
Likewise, God won’t let you heal properly if you are trying to rush through the healing process and you are not adequately learning what he wants you to learn through this past relationship experience. God wastes nothing. Even what was meant to harm you, God intends to use it for your good (Genesis 50:20).
Perhaps it was idolatry, perhaps he wants to show you how to guard your heart for your next relationship, or perhaps he is trying to show you how to rightly identity biblical qualities someone needs to have before you date them. All that to say, one possible reason you keep thinking about this person or feeling that ache inside of you when this past relationship is brought up is because there is a specific lesson God wants you to gain that you have not received yet.
The sooner you learn what God wants you to learn, the sooner God will let you move on. For as Ecclesiastes 3:3 states, “ [there’s] a time to break down, and a time to build up . . . .” Many times we resist the breaking down season which then slows the building up season. We have to let God break us down if we want to be built up again the way he wants. For as Ecclesiastes 3:11 adds, “He has made everything beautiful in its time.”
2. If You Two Had Sexual Interactions, You Could Still Feel Connected to This Person Because You Have Not Broken Those Sinful Bonds with the Cross of Christ
Sin occurs when we use a good thing in a bad way. The same is true when it comes to sexual sin. God created sex as a means of connecting a husband and wife together. For as 1 Corinthians 6:15-20 states:
Do you not know that your bodies are members of Christ? Shall I then take the members of Christ and make them members of a prostitute? Never! Or do you not know that he who is joined to a prostitute becomes one body with her? For, as it is written, ‘The two will become one flesh.’ But he who is joined to the Lord becomes one spirit with him. Flee from sexual immorality. Every other sin a person commits is outside the body, but the sexually immoral person sins against his own body. Or do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit within you, whom you have from God? You are not your own, for you were bought with a price. So glorify God in your body.”
One possible reason you could be finding it so hard to move on from someone in your past is because you had sexual relations with this person. While it is true that two people bond themselves together in a sinful way when they have sex, it is a lie to think this bond cannot be broken through the cross of Christ. It is a lie that sex will forever bond you with someone. For when Jesus died on the cross for our sins, he said, “It is finished.” This means that there is now no sin that can separate us from the love of God. But we do need to apply the cross of Christ to our lives to receive the total freedom Jesus earned for us.
So if you have not applied the cross of Christ to your past sexual sins with this person, you could still feel connected to them. All you need to do is confess your sins and receive the grace of God. God will then restore you and give you the purity of Jesus Christ, transforming you and enabling you to live in your untainted new nature. As 2 Corinthians 5:16-19 states:
From now on, therefore, we regard no one according to the flesh. Even though we once regarded Christ according to the flesh, we regard him thus no longer. Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation. The old has passed away; behold, the new has come. All this is from God, who through Christ reconciled us to himself and gave us the ministry of reconciliation; that is, in Christ God was reconciling the world to himself, not counting their trespasses against them, and entrusting to us the message of reconciliation.”
3. You Could Be Struggling to Move On from Someone in Your Past Because You Are Not Ready to Work Up the Energy Again to Meet Someone New
Going back to the analogy of a physical injury like a sprained ankle, while it is possible to rush our healing and thus keep ourselves injured for longer than is necessary, it is also possible to actually be healed but to then live as though you are still injured. Notice what Jesus says in John 5:5-9 when he heals a man who was crippled:
One man was there who had been an invalid for thirty-eight years. When Jesus saw him lying there and knew that he had already been there a long time, he said to him, ‘Do you want to be healed?’ The sick man answered him, ‘Sir, I have no one to put me into the pool when the water is stirred up, and while I am going another steps down before me.’ Jesus said to him, ‘Get up, take up your bed, and walk.’ And at once the man was healed, and he took up his bed and walked.”
Why would Jesus ask this man, “Do you want to be healed?” When you have been dealing with a certain problem for a long period of time, there does come a certain comfort associated with knowing you have this issue because you then know your limits. For example, this man had been sick for 38 years and was unable to work. It’s not beyond the realm of possibility that he could have responded to Jesus with, “Well, if you do heal me, I will no longer be able to beg and since I’ve been crippled my whole life I have not developed any work skills. So what will I do to survive if you heal me?”
Likewise, when you have been wounded relationally, that wound can almost provide an odd comfort because it can make you feel like you never have to try anything ever again when it comes to relationships. You could end up believing something like, “Well, I tried the whole love thing. That didn’t work so I never have to risk getting hurt again because of this wound.”
4. You Could Be Struggling to Move On from Someone in Your Past Because You Are Doubting the Healing God Has Already Provided You
Going back to the passage we read in John 5 where Jesus healed the man who was crippled, the next thing to notice in the passage is when Jesus said, “Get up, take up your bed, and walk.”
It’s possible to receive a healing but to then still act like you are injured. If the man didn’t believe he was healed he could have just laid there as though he was still crippled when in fact he no longer was. As Christians we do this all the time. We are set free in Christ but we often doubt if we have truly been transformed. In fact, every time we sin we are acting like we are still the old-self when in reality God has given us a new nature. As Galatians 5:1 states, “For freedom Christ has set us free; stand firm therefore, and do not submit again to a yoke of slavery.”
This Bible verse states we have already been set free as Christians but we can still act like we are in slavery. Likewise, when God heals you it is possible to doubt this healing and still act like you are injured when in fact you really aren’t anymore. It’s not enough to just be healed. You also have to trust that God has truly healed you.
This is truly a complicated subject and there’s a lot more to say. As I mentioned at the beginning of this video, I’ve created some in-depth relationship training courses for issues just like this. I’m currently offering 4 courses in AGW University.
The first course is called Heart Check: How to Prepare Your Heart for a Godly Relationship. In this course we dive in deep to finding healing to past wounds, rejecting past relationship idols, and learning how to have the proper biblical motives for marriage that God requires to have a blessed marriage one day.
The second course is called Marriage Material: The Qualities to Develop in Yourself and Look for in Another if You Desire a Godly Christian Marriage One Day. In this course we unpack the biblical ingredients needed not to just get married one day but to have a blessed marriage. Healthy marriages don’t just happen by accident. There’re specific qualities that are needed, which is what this course is all about.
The third course is called 10 Steps to Meet The One God Has for You. This courses switches gears from the previous two courses and starts laying out a very practical blueprint you can follow to increase your chances of meeting, dating, and marrying the one God has for you.
And lastly, as free bonus for anyone who enrolls before the May 17th deadline, I’m also including access to my newest course called The Effective Online Christian Dating Plan. I believe this course has taken on a new importance due to the recent major changes our society has endured. Dating in a post-covid-19 society is going to look different and I believe online dating is going to become much more important in the months and years to come. In this course I teach you how to properly fill out your profile because it’s really easy to make some big mistakes that will keep people from messaging you. I also share helpful things to message people for the first time and how to actually transition into a real relationship with someone you met online.
Lastly, for those who enroll before May 17th, I’m also offering 3 months of bonus email coaching with me. This is where you can share your person story with me, ask me specific questions that are unique to you, and we can come up with a biblical relationship plan that is best suited for you. Spots for the email coaching are limited due to how much personal time it takes me to coach people, so if you are interested I would enroll sooner rather than later. You will know the spots are filled up when the email coaching offer is no longer listed on the AGW University page.
Also, please note that the $50 scholarship will expire after the Math 17th deadline passes by.