4 Reasons God Is Not Telling You If You’re Called to Singleness or Marriage

Romans 8:28

According to Scripture, it’s very clear that both singleness and marriage are equally good callings from the Lord (1 Corinthians 7:7). It’s more complicated, however, to know which one God has called you to.

Why won’t he just tell you? Here are 4 possible reasons God has not revealed if you are called to a life of singleness or marriage.

1. Through the Unknowns Now, God Is Preparing You to Put Him First No Matter What Does or Doesn’t Happen in the Future

Faith is not the ability to see God’s plan unfold in the future before it happens. Rather, faith is the ability to follow God’s plan in the present even when you don’t know what will happen in the future. And through following God and expressing more and more faith as you walk forward with him, he is also preparing us for the very destinations we are moving towards.

In other words, the journey is an important part in preparing us for the destination. When we apply this principle to your search for clarity about your calling to singleness or marriage, it’s important to realize that the unknowns now are being used by God to train you for the trails ahead.

Whether you be called to a life of singleness or marriage, God calls all Christians to put him first (Colossians 3:17). That is what God is always helping us accomplish. Hebrews 13:21 promises us that God will “equip you with everything good that you may do his will, working in us that which is pleasing in his sight, through Jesus Christ, to whom be glory forever and ever. Amen.”

2. God Is Using This Process of Confusion to Help You Find the Clarity You Need About Your Calling to Singleness or Marriage

God doesn’t cause confusion (1 Corinthians 14:33), but he does use it for our good when it happens in our lives (Romans 8:28).

Just as God uses the journey to prepare us for the destination, he will also use the journey to help reveal the destination. In other words, rather than just tell you, “You are called to marriage” or “You are called to singleness,” usually God will reveal this answer to you through a process. He does this because it will give us more confidence that we are on the right track.

It’s easier to doubt a sense in your heart or a voice your mind; it could be God, or it could just be your own voice. But when you walk a journey with God and you have life experiences that point you in a certain direction, this will give you much more confidence that you are actually doing what God wants you to do. Ecclesiastes 11:4-6 (NIV) states:

“Whoever watches the wind will not plant; whoever looks at the clouds will not reap. As you do not know the path of the wind, or how the body is formed in a mother’s womb, so you cannot understand the work of God, the Maker of all things. Sow your seed in the morning, and at evening let your hands not be idle, for you do not know which will succeed, whether this or that, or whether both will do equally well.”

When you are always looking for signs before doing anything, you often end up doing nothing. But when you seek to do the right thing, God will cause your actions to produce the outcomes he wants, which then reveals his will for you.

So when we apply this to your questions about being called to singleness or marriage, you will probably always be confused if you just keep sitting there asking questions. But if, for example, you start actively trying to embrace singleness and then you feel bad and unfulfilled and sad about never getting married, this probably means you should pursue marriage. If you feel relieved to pursue singleness, perhaps that is your calling.

Likewise, if you start pursuing marriage but you feel unhappy and realize you would prefer not to be married, this is a good sign God may be calling you to singleness. However, if you feel good about this pursuit and are happy to try to get married, you are probably on the right track.

3. God Has Called You to Pursue Marriage But He’s Just Not Told You If You Will Get Married One Day

There’s a difference between being called to pursue marriage versus being called to get married to a specific person. God can tell you to pursue marriage without promising you if you will get married one day. Sometimes Christians get confused because they think they are asking if they are called to pursue marriage but really they are asking God to reveal the specific person they will get married to.

In other words, you will always feel confused if you are asking God to tell you what will happen in the future. Clarity comes when you take the next step God is telling you to take now. God gives us the process to follow, but only he knows the outcomes that will occur (Ecclesiastes 7:14). If you have the biblical qualities of being called to marriage (See 1 Corinthians 7), that means you should actively pursue marriage and not intentionally try to remain single. The results of your efforts, however, will still be unknown in the present.

Before God will show you if you will get married, he will first show you whether or not you should try to get married.

What are those biblical signs that mean you should pursue marriage? Here’s a related article where I cover those points: 5 Bible Verses that Mean God Has Called You to Marriage.

4. God Wants You Single Now but Will Make It Clear He Wants You Married When He Reveals the Right Person to You

Sometimes people feel like they are called to singleness but then they meet someone that awakens the desire for marriage. It’s possible God will allow your desire for marriage to lay dormant but then he will bring it to life once you meet your future spouse.

Boaz seems to be an example of this. He was older and single and seemed to be very content (Ruth 3:10). It was only when he finally met Ruth that he then actively pursued marriage (Ruth 4:13).

It’s possible God has a calling for you now that is best executed in singleness. But that could change. In the future, God may have a different calling for you that will be better executed in marriage. If that happens, your desire for marriage will become much stronger once you meet the right person.