Proverbs 25:11
Christians are supposed to be different than the rest of the world (1 Peter 2:9, Romans 12:2). Therefore, when a Christian man likes a woman, his actions should be different than a worldly man’s approach.
However, his way of pursuing may seem strange if you have only ever been pursued by worldly men. Additionally, sometimes a Christian man overcomplicates the dating process because he is putting so much pressure on himself to do everything perfectly.
So whether it be because you are not used to a godly man treating you biblically or it’s because this man is trying so hard to do everything right, here are 4 strange things a Christian man often does when he likes a woman.
1. He Intentionally Shows You Less Attention Because He’s Struggling with His Motives
Most Christians know how important our motives are (Proverbs 21:2, Matthew 6:1). Thus, when a Christian man is really trying to please the Lord in his life and he also really likes a woman, he will go through great lengths to make sure his motives are pure before pursuing this woman.
For example, he may worry that he’s only treating her kindly because he likes her romantically and is physically attracted to her. Thus, he worries he’s being manipulative or false. To solve this dilemma, he may start avoiding her.
This is the wrong approach. God made attraction, God made romance, and it please the Lord when a Christian man wants to find a Christian wife. However, it can take a Christian man some time to realize this, to work out his motives, and to feel released by God that it’s okay to pursue you in charming and romantic way with pure motives (1 Corinthians 7:36, Philippians 2:12-13).
2. He Often “Word-Vomits” Once He Finally Does Feel Released to Pursue You
As we just discussed in point 1, a Christian man often takes things slow and does a lot of internal reflection before openly pursuing a woman. He wants to guard his heart and yours (Proverbs 4:23) and wants God to reveal the right time for him to pursue (Song of Solomon 8:4).
However, once a man does feel released to pursue a woman he likes, he often has so much pent-up energy and excitement that he then goes too far in the other direction. In other words, if he was very slow to pursue, he often then seems to start rushing things and coming on too strong.
You have to remember that while all this may seem really new to you, he’s been thinking about you and this moment for a long time. If he is relationally mature, he will avoid this mistake and give you time to warm up to him before saying too much. But just know that some Christian guys will say too much at first.
If you like him but you wish he was taking it slower, give him some time to calm down and give yourself some time to warm up. After a few weeks, you two might naturally find a more balanced level together.
3. He Won’t Show You Physical Affection and He Might Even Avoid Appropriate Forms of Physical Contact
Of course Christians know that sexual acts before marriage are a sin (1 Corinthians 7:1-9). We have also been rightly taught through the Scriptures that we must avoid sexual temptation (1 Corinthians 6:18).
However, if you are a woman who has been pursued by worldly men all her life, it might feel odd for a man to seem so uninterested in your body. You may have been trained that a man will pursue you sexually if he really likes you. Although this might be a strange experience for you, just know that a godly man won’t act like a worldly man. He will do his best to avoid all sexual sin.
Additionally, in fear of sending the wrong message, a Christian man may even avoid appropriate forms of contact like a hug or handholding. Each person should obey their conscience in matters like these (Romans 14:23).
Just know that a Christian man may be avoiding all forms of contact with you not because he’s unattracted but rather because he’s so attracted that he doesn’t want to ignite any fleshly passions and open a door to temptation.
4. A Christian Man May Assume You Don’t Like Him Because He Misinterpreted Your Response to His Subtle Pursuit
You might be surprised to find out that this man feels like you don’t like him. Perhaps he’s not pursuing you like you want him to because he feels like he already tried and got rejected. But you might feel like no such attempt ever occurred.
For example, he may have thought his invitation to pick you up for church was a clear expression of romantic interest. But when you politely declined because you knew you had to be to church early that week to serve in the children’s ministry and you didn’t want to inconvenience him, he may have just assumed you didn’t want to spend time with him.
Of course it would be great if we could all have the exact right response at all times (Proverbs 25:11). But communication between humans is often complicated . The point is, if you don’t want a man to pursue you, engage less with him when he engages with you. However, if you do want him to pursue you, make sure you send a positive message whenever he tries to interact with you (Ruth 3:9).
For this reason, when you like a Christian man, I believe it’s always best to error on the side of responding too positively rather than responding too passively.
Related Article: 4 Simple Ways to Invite the Right Guy to Pursue You
