4 Surprising Biblical Traits that Mean a Man Is a Keeper

Here are 4 surprising biblical traits in a man that mean he is a keeper.

1. A Gentleness that the World Often Mistakes for Weakness Is a Sign He’s a Keeper

A lot of women say they want a gentle man; however, many women have also been subtly led astray to see this trait as weakness. It’s a doubled-edged sword. A woman wants a gentle man and a strong man. She wants a man who can be kind to her and fierce when needed to protect her and thrive in difficult situations. Thus, she often feels like she can’t have both. So she often opts for the aggressive and harsh man because she thinks he is stronger and more manly.

However, when you really understand what it takes to be gentle in the biblical sense, you realize it requires much more strength to be gentle rather than harsh.

When someone acts harsh, gets angry, or speaks rudely, usually they do such things because they feel weak. Usually men act like this because they feel insecure and thus try to overcompensate so people do not see them as feeble.

A strong man will not feel the need to prove to everyone he is strong thus he will be free to act gentle. A weak man will try to be harsh because he will feel weak while wanting to be perceived as strong:

“Be watchful, stand firm in the faith, act like men, be strong. Let all that you do be done in love.” (1 Corinthians 16:13-14)
“But as for you, O man of God, flee these things. Pursue righteousness, godliness, faith, love, steadfastness, gentleness.” (1 Timothy 6:11)

2. Not Expressing His Feelings All the Time Is a Sign He’s a Keeper

Perhaps the most common critique that most women have against most men is their unwillingness to express themselves. When a woman starts connecting to a man, she wants to know how he feels, what he’s thinking, and she wants to hear it from him verbally. This is good. Certainly a man does need to open up to a woman if he wants to have a healthy relationship with her (Galatians 6:2).

However, oftentimes women over apply this healthy desire for a man who can connect emotionally with her and then they start looking for a man who can’t really be a man anymore. A man who talks about his feelings too much is going to fail in this world. Yes, there are times where he needs to talk about his hard day, tell you about his feelings, or ask you for counsel. But if a man does this daily and slips into a spirit of complaining and whining, you will actually lose respect for him. Real men know how to get things done without talking too much about everything. Proverbs 14:23, “In all toil there is profit, but mere talk tends only to poverty.”

Jesus didn’t always talk as much as he could have talked. For example, when he was being condemned to death by sinful leaders, he remained silent for much of the time. If Jesus would have spoken to Herod or performed a miracle at Herod’s command, Jesus would have been obeying Herod, thus showing Herod had authority over Jesus (Luke 23:8-9). Sometimes staying silent like Jesus shows God’s power in a man’s life more than speaking will.

Whatever can elicit a response from you is what has power over you. That’s why bullies teas and try to rile the other kids up. If they can get the other kids mad, sad, or even fighting, the bully feels powerful because he is forcing the other kids to do what he wants.

Satan and the world seek to do the same thing to Christians. You know who has power over you by who is making you do what they want. When we are tempted to yell, to shout, to gossip, to speak words of anger towards those who are angry at us, to complain, sometimes the best way to show that God is the authority in our life is to just stay silent (Philippians 2:14-16).

3. Healthy Boundaries Between Him and His Parents Is a Sign He’s a Keeper

While you might think it’s cute that he loves his mom and dad so much, you just want to make sure it’s a mature love that has healthy boundaries, separating him from boyhood and marking that he has truly enter manhood.

One sign of masculinity is self-sufficiency. Of course in the relationship and spiritual parts of life, we do need others. And even when it comes to practical assistance, we definitely need others to help us at times. However, the primary difference between a boy and man is that a man takes care of others while a boy needs to be taken care of by others.

Thus, a man who is overly dependent on his parents is not a great choice for a partner. He should honor his father and mother (Exodus 20:12) and help them in the ways that he can (Mark 7:9-13). But if he is overly dependent on them in the emotional sense or the financial sense, this is not good.

If you choose to marry a man, you want him to be able to fulfill Genesis 2:18, “Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh.”

4. If He Is Not Pursuing You Quickly, This Could Be a Sign He’s a Keeper

When it comes to timing in a relationship, I do think there is a lot of room for subjectivity. For some men, God will lead them to move faster than other men. So I won’t tell you what is too fast or too slow. This point is not about specific numbers of days or weeks. Rather, this is more about his attitude and the feeling he gives you as he pursues you.

You might be flattered by the guy who is pursuing you hard. But more often than not, a man who comes in hot and heavy will leave just as quickly. Surprisingly, it’s the man who is really taking his time and being careful to pursue you in a godly way that is the man who is the right guy for you.

As Proverbs 19:2 teaches us, “Desire without knowledge is not good, and whoever makes haste with his feet misses his way.” Therefore, if a man is pursuing you in a way that is wise and patient even though it seems slower than many other guys, this could be a great sign that he’s actually a keeper.

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