Matthew 5:14-16
Attraction is a word that usually denotes “physical attraction,” but that’s not what I am referring to here. I’m speaking more about a general attractiveness that consists of your whole self.
So here are 4 ways to be more attractive during your season of Christian singleness.
Don’t Be Desperate for a Relationship If You Want to Be More Attractive
One of the easiest ways to push people away is by demanding them to come to you. Rather than your eagerness for a relationship drawing people in, it will often push people away because they will feel the pressure you are putting on them.
While dating and sales should not be seen as the same thing, you can see this principle I’m speaking about when you compare successful salesmen with unsuccessful salesmen. The guy who is desperate for a sale and too eager to close the deal often pushes the buyer away. The guy who isn’t pushy and gives the client time to think and just tries to be helpful, however, is much more successful in the end.
Likewise, Christian singles who are not solely focused on getting into a relationship will actually be much more attractive to other singles. As James 4:1-2 explains:
What causes fights and quarrels among you? Don’t they come from your desires that battle within you? You desire but do not have, so you kill. You covet but you cannot get what you want, so you quarrel and fight.”
The person who is controlled by desire is not seen in a healthy light. However, compare the person that James 4:1-2 just described to someone who could be described by 1 Timothy 6:6-8:
Now there is great gain in godliness with contentment, for we brought nothing into the world, and we cannot take anything out of the world. But if we have food and clothing, with these we will be content.”
Which person would you rather date? Someone who is quarreling and desperate to get what they want? Or someone who is godly and content? In short, desperation is just not attractive.
Be More Approachable and Inviting If You Want to Be More Attractive to Other Christian Singles
The word “attraction” literally means, “the action or power of evoking interest, pleasure, or liking for someone or something.” Like a magnet towards metal, if you find someone attractive you will want to move towards him or her.
So if you want people to move towards you, you have to be approachable and inviting. Many times Christian singles can be seen as holy, mature, and passionate for the Lord. However, if they are closed off and don’t seem interested in conversation, people will still not find them attractive no matter how spiritually mature they seem. If you seem like you know the Bible really well but you are unable to laugh or just have a normal interaction with others, people will not be romantically interested in you. They may respect you as a Christian, but they will not want to date you or marry you.
Are you willing to dialogue and ask people questions that lead to good conversations? Do you debate everyone on every point? Do you ever plan events and invite people? Do you sit with your arms crossed in the back of the church just hoping someone will befriend you?
You must be approachable and inviting if you want people to find you attractive.
Be Serious About Important Issues, But Don’t Take Yourself Too Seriously
Seriousness is not a bad trait. I’m certainly not advocating that Christian singles be goofballs and make life a joke. Nothing bothers me more than when a pastor turns his sermon into a standup show. Christians should be serious because we are dealing with the most serious issues there are. God, eternity, and salvation are more important than words can express. As Titus 2:6-8 states:
Similarly, encourage the young men to be self-controlled. In everything set them an example by doing what is good. In your teaching show integrity, seriousness and soundness of speech that cannot be condemned, so that those who oppose you may be ashamed because they have nothing bad to say about us.”
So Christians should be serious, but I believe we error when we start taking ourselves too seriously. When we start walking around with a prideful, arrogant, or untouchable attitude, we will repel people in our lives. This is true in Christian singleness too. If you are too serious about yourself, people will not want to be around you.
But again, if you are never serious, this is a problem too. The key is to be serious about the right issues. When it comes to biblical truth and righteous living, we must have all the seriousness in the world. But when it comes to our personal image, our perception of ourselves, and how we project ourselves to others, we should be easy going and not so heavy-handed.
If you can never laugh at yourself, if you can never acknowledge when you are wrong, or if you can never be the butt of an innocent joke among friends, you will probably not be very attractive.
Be Joyful and Steady in the Lord and You Will Be Attractive to Other Christian Singles
There’s nothing more attractive than joy. The fastest way to turn people away is to be joyless. You can be the most physically stunning human ever, but if people walk away from you feeling depressed and low because you are a killjoy who hates the world, other singles will not be attracted to you.
However, if you are filled with the joy of the Lord and you beam with hope, people will be drawn to you. Of course we should ultimately seek joy in the Lord because he is worthy and this is what he wants for us. As Christians we are called to be a light to the world:
You are the light of the world. A town built on a hill cannot be hidden. Neither do people light a lamp and put it under a bowl. Instead they put it on its stand, and it gives light to everyone in the house. In the same way, let your light shine before others, that they may see your good deeds and glorify your Father in heaven.” (Matthew 5:14-16)
This is what God wants for all of us. He wants people to be drawn towards us so that people may see how good God is. Certainly this goes way beyond romantic attraction. It’s our Christian calling in general. But one of the secondary benefits of being satisfied in Christ is that your joy will be contagious and others will want to be around you.
If you are an eligible Christian single who is joyful in Christ, other Christian singles will be attracted to you if you are truly satisfied in him.