1 John 4:16-18
What if you never get married? What will your life be like if you never get that desire for a relationship fulfilled? How can you overcome the fear of never getting married?
Here are 3 ways to overcome this fear.
Fear Is Rooted In Doubting God’s Love for You
If you want to overcome the fear of never getting married, I believe it is wise to first understand where all fear ultimately comes from. We all fear many different things at times. But at the heart of every fear is the doubt that God loves you and is control. If you doubt God’s control over your life and if you doubt God’s love for you, you will experience deep fear. 1 John 4:16, 18 explains:
And so we know and rely on the love God has for us. God is love. Whoever lives in love lives in God, and God in them. . . . There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love.”
So the first way to overcome any fear is to firmly believe the truth that God really does love you. Even if your life does not turn out the way you want, even if you never get the marriage you want, you must remember the love God has for you.
Many people believe God loves them but then they get confused because their desires are not fulfilled in their life. If God loves you, why doesn’t God show you his love by giving you the things you want, like marriage?
God Ultimately Shows His Love for Us Through His Presence, Not Through the Gift of Marriage
God will show his love for all his people, but God will not bless all people with the gift of marriage, even though many of his people who are single would want to be married. So how can this be? How can God love us and yet not give us what we want, like marriage?
There are many reasons God does not allow some people to get married. As I talk about a lot, many times it’s not a spiritual issue but a practical issue. If people don’t take the normal steps needed to interact with the opposite sex, then God should not be blamed. Besides that, there are many other reasons why some people will be called to a life of singleness. I’ve talked about that a lot. You can check those articles out here.
But the main reason God does not always give people what they ask for even though he loves them is because God knows the ultimate gift of love is himself. While God may not give you a marriage, God is always offering himself fully to you. God’s love is not something he has. God’s love is who he is. Therefore he always offers himself as the ultimate gift of love. In Philippians 3:7-8 Paul said:
But whatever were gains to me I now consider loss for the sake of Christ. What is more, I consider everything a loss because of the surpassing worth of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord, for whose sake I have lost all things.”
So one way you can overcome the fear of never getting married is to realize that God, not marriage, is ultimately the main need for your heart to be healthy and satisfied. God’s love can satisfy you completely. Marriage is a blessing, but it can never satisfy you like God. Therefore no matter if you receive the blessing of marriage or not, God has made a way for your joy to be totally complete in him through the access we gain into his presence through the gospel of Jesus Christ.
You Have to Come to Terms with the Possibility of Never Getting Married. Once You Accept This Is Possible, You Will Not Fear It
If you truly want to overcome the fear of never getting married, the last step you will eventually need to take is to accept that it is possible you will never get married. If you can never accept this possibility and if you can never come to terms with a life of singleness, you will always have this fear of never getting married.
You have to get to the place in your heart that you know, even if you never do get married, you will still choose to live a joyful, meaningful life in God. If you simply wait to be happy until you get married, if you simply wait to really live until you get into a relationship, fear will ruin your life. You must get to that place in your heart where you know you will be okay even if you never get married. You will be sad and disappointed, but you must resolve to not lose heart just because you never married.
The key is to accept the possibility of never marrying without becoming hopeless that you will never marry. Many people think they are becoming accepting but in reality they are simply become depressed and hopeless. You don’t need to give up your desire for a Christian marriage. You don’t need to stop praying and being active in your pursuit of a godly relationship. But you also need to accept the possibility of never marrying while not being bitter about it.
If you can gain acceptance without bitterness, you will be able to overcome the fear of never getting married.