So you are a Christian single person and you want to know if someone likes you. Perhaps you ask a woman on a date or you invite a man to spend some time with you, but the answer they give you is kind of vague and leaves you wondering if they are interested in you or not.
The Bible says in Ephesians 4:15 to “speak the truth in love.” Often times in an effort to be nice or to avoid confrontation, Christian singles can make errors on the truth side in an effort to show love and kindness. So while many times it comes from a good place, it is common for people to send mixed signals when in reality they really are not interested.
With that said, here are 5 phrases that people often use when they are actually not interested in you.
“Thanks for inviting me but I actually already have plans that night. Maybe some other time.”
“I’m busy that night.”
“Thanks, but I really just need to get some rest. I’ve been really busy lately.”
I know it can be tempting to see phrases like this as an open door for the future, but in my opinion if someone actually likes you they will not miss an opportunity to spend time with you. If my wife would have asked me to spend time with her before we were dating, I would have rearranged my schedule to make it work.
The only exception to this would be if they reschedule with you right there. If they just say they are busy and have plans that means they are not interested. If they are actually interested but truly are busy, they will make an effort to reschedule with you right on the spot.
“I’m really not in a place to date anyone right now.”
“I just got out of a relationship so I’m not ready to date right now.”
“I’m really focusing on my relationship with God right now but thank you.”
This may be true, but if someone really likes you but they are genuinely not in a place to date at all, I think they would make that clear by affirming their feelings for you. So rather than just saying, “Thanks but I’m just not ready to date right now,” they would instead say something like, “I actually really do like you and would like to give this relationship a try, but right now I just know I am not in a place to date. Perhaps when I am ready we can go out.”
“I really value our friendship so I wouldn’t want to ruin that.”
“I just don’t see you that way.”
“I see you as a friend and that’s all.”
While a romantic relationship will change a friendship, when someone actually likes you they will be willing to take that risk. Even though they never said they didn’t like you and they put the emphasis on the value of the friendship, this is a clear sign that they just don’t see you as anything more than a friend.
“Let me think about it . . .” but then they never get back to you.
“Let me check my schedule and get back to you . . .” but then they never get back to you and try to avoid you afterwards.
“Um, I’m not sure, let me get back to you . . .” but then they never get back to you and try to avoid you afterwards.
“Maybe some other time . . .” but then they never get back to you and try to avoid you afterwards.
While I am not a big fan of this method, it is very common of people, especially of those who do not like confrontation and thus struggle to give a clear answer. Even though they technically left the door open with a statement like this, the clear part is in their lack of action afterwards.
“No thanks, I don’t like you like that.”
“Thank you but I am not interested.”
“Thanks but I don’t think so.”
While statements like these should speak for themselves, oftentimes people imagine alternative motives for why someone would reject them. Many times people wonder if there is more to these clear rejections, like perhaps this person just has a commitment issue and if they would get healed they would say yes. Or perhaps they like you so much they are just afraid and thus they reject you.
These ideas are not healthy and are usually just coming from a place in ourselves that does not want to hear the answer we got. We should always take people’s words for what they are and leave the heart examining to God.