Matthew 6:10
Here are 5 common reasons it feels like God is silent even though you are asking him about a certain person or a certain relationship situation you find yourself in.
And I also wanted to quickly mention that I just opened enrollment for AGW University. I designed these relationship training courses specifically for Christians singles who want to be married one day but who also feel confused, wounded, or like they just don’t have any available options to date anyone.
These courses are different than the AGW YouTube channel because I go into much greater detail about topics that only relate to a specific type of person, Christian singles who want help meeting the person God has for them. If you’re interested and want to learn more, read until the end of this article and I’ll talk with those of you want to work more closely with me than is possible on this platform. Or you can just click here to visit AGW University.
1. It May Feel Like God Is Silent About This Person Because He Is Preparing You for What’s Ahead Through This Season of Confusion
If our teachers in school always gave us the answer as soon as we asked for help, this would not accomplish the overall purpose of school. Going to school isn’t about just getting the right answer. A good teacher is more concerned with teaching her students how to find the correct answers. So rather than just give her students the answers, she will assist them, coach them, and help them learn the process that will reveal the right answers.
Likewise, while God could always just answer every question we ever have, in the end this would be more harmful than helpful. Rather than immediately always giving us the answers we are looking for, God will use our questions to enhance our biblical knowledge and spiritual maturity.
It’s possible that God is not immediately revealing the future in regards to you and someone you have questions about because through this season of confusion, he will teach you how to rightly assess a relationship through a biblical lens, how to walk step by step with the spirit, and how to rightly interpret the circumstantial evidence being provided to you.
As Hebrews 12:7 (NIV) states, “Endure hardship as discipline; God is treating you as his children. For what children are not disciplined by their father?”
2. It May Feel Like God Is Silent About This Person or Relationship Question Because You Are Listening to False Predictions About the Future
Maybe you really thought God said, “This person is the one for you.” But for some reason, when you went on a date together there were no sparks. And then this person stopped returning your calls and made it really clear they were not interested. Now you are wondering, “Perhaps God will bring this person back into my life later on because I know God said this person was the one.”
It’s possible you are getting confused and you feel like God is not giving you a clear answer because you are only committed to hearing the one answer you want rather than the clear answer God has already given you through this person’s rejection of you.
In Jeremiah 6:14 the people missed God’s warning because they were listening to false proclamations about the future, “They have healed the wound of my people lightly, saying, ‘Peace, peace,’ when there is no peace.” Jeremiah 6:17 then says, “I set watchmen over you, saying, ‘Pay attention to the sound of the trumpet!’ But they said, ‘We will not pay attention.’”
If you made a prediction about your future with someone, don’t cling to that prediction if it ends up being wrong. If you do, you won’t be able to hear what God is truly saying to you.
3. If You Are Being Too Pessimistic to See God’s Green Light, This Could Be a Reason for Why It Feels Like God Is Being Silent
One of the possibilities for why it is very difficult for you to accurately hear God’s voice in the present is if your pessimism is blocking your ears from hearing something positive from God.
For example, perhaps you agreed to go on a blind date because your best friend insisted that you give this guy a chance. You only went out of kindness for your friend and you were fully expecting to never talk to this guy again once the date was over because you could never have imagined something like this actually working for someone like you.
But then the strangest thing happened – you actually enjoyed yourself. After the date, your head is spinning because despite your belief that this would be a total disaster, it wasn’t. But now you are struggling to hear what God is saying because before you went on this date you felt like he was telling you this wasn’t going to work.
It’s possible God didn’t say that at first but now you are confused because your mind is closed to the possibility of God saying something positive because you fully expected God to say no. It can feel like God is silent since you are so busy looking for his no when in reality he is saying yes.
Rather than coming to God about someone with an overly positive or an overly pessimistic attitude, seek to hear from God in a spirit of humility and willingness (Matthew 6:10). Get to that place in your heart where you will obey him regardless of whether or not he says yes or no. Let your prayer be, “May your will be done.”
4. It Can Feel Like God Is Silent When You Are Afraid of Hearing His True Answer
Some of you are clinging to the hope that God has actually been silent because deep down you know he has actually already told you the answer “no” but you wanted him to say “yes”. A no means you have to say goodbye to someone you really want to be with. A no means you have to start all over again when you’ve already built so much with this person. So, since you really wanted God to say yes, you are tricking yourself to believe he has just not said anything.
Others of you are clinging to the hope that God has been silent because you know deep down he has already told you “yes” but you wanted him to say “no.” A yes means you have to risk opening your heart again to someone. A yes means you don’t get to stay in the comfort of rejecting another person before things get too serious. But since you are afraid of what it might actually mean for you if you acknowledge God’s yes, you are pretending he has just been silent. As the book The Language of Letting Go states:
Denial is a protective device, a shock absorber for the soul. It prevents us from acknowledging reality until we feel prepared to cope with that particular reality. People can shout and scream the truth at us, but we will not see or hear it until we are ready.”1
I share this quote not to excuse our denial. Rather, I’m pointing out that if we are so afraid of hearing the truth, we will deny that we heard the truth because we fear we can’t handle it yet.
The solution? Die to yourself (Luke 9:23) and let God raise your heart anew with its passion fully fixed on following the Lord.
5. If You Feel Like God Is Silent About a Relationship Question, You Could Feel This Way Because It’s True
Generally speaking I believe it is correct to say that God always answers our prayers with either a yes, no, or wait. So it is possible that if you are asking God to answer a question you have about someone, he could just be saying, “No, I’m not going to answer that right now.”
Why would God do that? I don’t know. There are millions of possible reasons. He could be planning to tell you the answer you seek but you just need to wait a bit longer for him to do so. He could be using the waiting to enhance your faith and then he will tell you what you need to hear. Or he could be telling you to focus on something else he wants to talk to you about first and then he will answer your relationship question once you deal with this other more important issue he’s trying to talk to you about right now.
The point is, you can’t force God to say something you want him to say. Rather, no matter what, submit to him and do what he is saying. We can’t get so focused on what God is not talking about that we actually end up missing what he is telling us to do. You may not know everything, but you always know something. Do what you do know God has told you to do and in time he will reveal the other things you need to know when you need to know them. As Psalm 131:1-2 (NIV) states:
My heart is not proud, Lord, my eyes are not haughty; I do not concern myself with great matters or things too wonderful for me. But I have calmed and quieted myself, I am like a weaned child with its mother; like a weaned child I am content.”
If you are a Christian, if you are single, if you are someone who would like to be married one day, and you want me to help you, I’ve created a series of in-depth biblical courses just for you along with one-on-one email coaching with me. The first course is called Heart Check. This course is 10 classes long and it’s all about healing your heart and also preparing your heart for a relationship so you are properly positioned to be blessed by God if he desires to give you a spouse one day. The next course is called Marriage Material. This course is 8 sessions long and in it I unpack what the Bible actually says you need to possess and what you need to see in another person if you want to have a blessed relationship with this person. The third course is called 10 Steps to Meet The One. This course is 10 lessons long and it is full of very practical steps you can take that will help you interact with the opposite sex in the most effective way possible. In this class I also will teach you how to meet other Christian singles if it feels like you lack options to date anyone.
There is no age limit for these courses. You can be 18 or 80. As long as you are a Christian single who wants to be married, the content will help you.
I’m also offering 2 additional bonuses courses. After 3 years of offering these courses, I’ve heard a few themes consistently pop up in my email coaching sessions with past students. One of those issues is online dating and the other issue is dealing with sexual sin. So I made two additional bonuses courses to help you if you want more info on these topics.
And if you enroll before the deadline, I’m also offering 3 months of free one-on-one email coaching with me. This is where you can ask me personal questions about your unique situation and we can come up with a biblical plan that is tailor made just for you.
For details about the enrollment deadline and the reduced tuition costs, feel free to click here to learn more. I’ll see you over at AGW University.
