Ephesians 6:18
Here are 5 things God will allow to happen in your life to let you know that you should pursue something more with this person that you have chemistry with.
1. If You Have Chemistry with Someone and You Have a Similar Christian Worldview with This Person, This Probably Means God Wants You to Pursue Something More with This Person
When I use this phrase “have chemistry with someone,” I’m talking about that romantic spark that is present between some men and some women. This obviously isn’t a biblical or unbiblical phrase, but what it is describing is something that can be used in a biblical or unbiblical way.
If you are a Christian, you can have romantic chemistry with a non-believer. You can share similar interest, hobbies, and even have very similar personality traits. But even if you have this type of earthly romantic chemistry with someone, this isn’t a sign God wants you to pursue something more with this person if they are an unbeliever while you are a believer (2 Corinthians 6:14). So chemistry is not enough.
But it’s also important to quickly point out that having biblical compatibility is not enough for you to pursue something more with someone either. Obviously there will be countless other Christian singles who have a similar Christian worldview as you, but this doesn’t mean God wants you to pursue something more with all of these people. We know this because romance and marriage were created by God but they are only a biblical option for those who want them and not a biblical command to all Christians (1 Corinthians 7:36-38).
So when both a romantic chemistry and a similar Christian worldview are present between you and another Christian single person, this is a good sign God does want you to pursue something more with this person.
2. If God Is Allowing That Normal Chemistry Singles Have to Grow Into Something Deeper, This Is a Good Sign God Is Leading You to Pursue Something More with This Person
That initial chemistry is not enough. It is simply like the first spark that happens before a good fire is formed. When you are building a camp fire, there needs to be lots of elements present for it to work. That initial spark is one element, but if there is no kindling or flammable substance that will then ignite the larger sticks which will then ignite the larger logs, a lasting fire will never occur. And this process can’t be rushed. A spark doesn’t rapidly turn into a bonfire. It takes time for this to form.
Likewise, you will have many sparks throughout your life with many different Christian singles. This is normal as God made there to be a unique connection between men and women. You can see this in 1 Timothy 5:1-2. Notice that Paul highlights the special care Timothy should take when interacting with younger women in his season of life compared to other people he will interact with. It states, “Do not rebuke an older man but encourage him as you would a father, younger men as brothers, older women as mothers, younger women as sisters, in all purity.”
Paul divides people into four categories for Timothy. There are older men, younger men, older women and younger women. But notice that only after his directions about younger women does Paul add on an extra word of wisdom, “in all purity.” Clearly Paul knows there’s an extra level of complexity for Timothy because he is younger; so when dealing with singles around his age, Paul tells him to be extra cautious towards these sisters in Christ out of love and respect for them.
The point I’m making here is that though you can have many little sparks of chemistry between you and many other singles because God made the attraction between men and women, this is not enough. God will also need to give you the other ingredient and the necessary time together for this little spark to turn into something more.
As a Christian single, you must have an extra level of care (i.e., “in all purity”) when dealing with singles around your age because naturally there will be chemistry sometimes. But for a sister or brother in Christ to become something more than a sister or brother in Christ, that initial spark needs to lead to something more substantial.
So if God is giving you those necessary ingredients (like time together) for that spark to ignite into a flame, this could be a good sign God wants you to pursue something more.
3. If You Are In a Season of Life Where Courting Is Not The Wisest Approach to Pursuing Marriage, This Could Mean God Is Leading You to Pursue Something More with This Person You Have Chemistry With
The traditional Christian courting model requires there to be a long season of friendship between a single man and woman that mostly takes place in group settings before they should then proceed into courting. I’m personally not one to advocate for a strict courting model unless the man and woman involved are young adults who still live under their parents’ roof and this is what their parents want them to do.
But for normal Christian single adults, I think the courting model is too legalistic and usually does more damage than good. For mature Christian singles adults, you don’t need to be friends with someone for years before dating them. You can guard your heart and theirs by being honest about your romantic interest while still taking things slow.
I’ll talk more about this in point 4, but the point here is that if you are a mature Christian single adult in a season of life where you are ready to get married if God revealed the right person to you, there’s nothing wrong with exploring a relationship with someone you have chemistry with. If you both love Jesus and you have chemistry, even if you have not been friends forever, it can be wise to just go on a few dates to see where things might go. Talk and get to know each other. And then if you both sense that there is something more there than a mere surface level chemistry, perhaps then God is leading you both to enter into an official dating relationship with each other.
But if you always need long periods of friendship before dating and you never pursue something more with other single Christians that you have chemistry with, you may never experience something more because the courting model very often stalls momentum and hinders anything more from forming.
Whatever path you choose, never compromise on God’s biblical rules for relationships. But also don’t be so guarded that you never form a connection with someone. Proverbs 4:23 (NIV) states, “Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it.” It doesn’t say put your heart in an impenetrable vault and never allow yourself to pursue someone you have chemistry with. Yes, guard your heart and be wise, but don’t cut yourself off from the possibility of marriage one day by being so guarded in singleness.
4. If You Have Built a Solid Foundation in Friendship But Then There Arises Some Romantic Chemistry Between You Two, This Could Be a Sign God Wants You to Pursue Something More with This Person
While I don’t advocate for a strict courting model for most Christian singles, I do still think there is a lot of wisdom in forming a friendship with someone first before entering into a dating relationship. But this becomes complicated when there is an initial spark before the friendship because to me what happens often is that this friendship is not really a friendship. It’s more of a trial dating run or it’s just an ambiguous romantic connection without any commitment.
So rather than trying to form a long-term friendship with someone you have a romantic spark with, I think a friendship that leads to a romantic spark works much better. It’s healthier when the friendship came before the romantic chemistry. If there is instant romantic chemistry, I think it’s fine to be friends for a bit but I wouldn’t prolong this because then everyone is just fooling themselves and not really being honest about what is happening.
All that to say, if you are friends with someone and you really did just intend to be a friend with them and nothing more, but through your friendship a romantic chemistry has now formed, this is a good sign God may lead you to be pursue something more. Why? Because normally close friendships between single men and women don’t last anyways. People fear trying to date their friend because they fear ruining their friendship. But really there are usually only three options for this type of friendship over the long-haul anyways:
- Either one person starts liking the other person but the feelings are not mutual, so this then permanently changes the dynamic.
- One person starts dating someone else and gets married and thus this obviously should change the dynamic.
- Or there is mutual interest and the two start dating each other. They either then get married or breakup, but either way this then obviously changes the dynamic.
This happens because most singles have a longing to be married, and this is good because God made it this way. God didn’t make singles to long for lifetime friendships with people from the opposite sex. He made most singles to want a spouse. As Paul said in 1 Timothy 5:11-12, “But refuse to enroll younger widows, for when their passions draw them away from Christ, they desire to marry and so incur condemnation for having abandoned their former faith.” Paul told Timothy to teach younger widows not to dedicate themselves to a life of singleness because Paul knew that most widows will want to remarry eventually, and that is good.
My point is, if there is a romantic chemistry forming between you and a friend, this probably means God wants you to pursue this because long-term friendships between the opposite sex is not as valuable as marriage is for most singles; and this is by God’s design.
Don’t worry about this changing your friendship because eventually your friendship is going to change anyways. Usually this is worth the risk because a friendship is nice but a spouse is better.
5. If God Is Leading You to Pursue Something More With That Person You Have Chemistry with, He Won’t Promise You a Particular Future But He Will Release You to Walk Into the Future
This is a subjective topic, so we have to do our best to prayerfully apply God’s word to the unique relationship situations we all will find ourselves in. As Ephesians 6:18 (NIV) instructs, “And pray in the Spirit on all occasions with all kinds of prayers and requests.”
When you pray about this type of thing, at some points in life God will simply tell you not to pursue something more with that person you have chemistry with. And then at other points, he will tell you to pursue something more with someone you have chemistry with. You have to ask him each time.
What he rarely does is tell you the whole future. Certainly don’t get ahead of God or disobey his leading. Again, pray about what God wants you to do and then if you sense God leading you to take a wise relationship risk to see what might happen between you and this person you have chemistry with, do it. Don’t sit on the sidelines forever.
If you and this person are both Christians who love Jesus and there is romantic chemistry between you two, there’s nothing wrong with you pursuing something more with this person to see what might happen if God is releasing you to try this.