As a Christian woman, you want a man who can understand your insecurities, a man who is patient with you as you work through them, and a man who is willing to grow with you in a committed relationship. If you want a man like that, one of the best things you can do is to be that type of woman to him.
If you can be a woman who understands his insecurities, a woman who is patient with him as you both work through issues together, and a woman who is willing to do what you can to help ease these insecurities, a good man will be eager to do this for you too.
Last week I posted the article called 3 Insecurities in a Man that Stop Him from Pursuing You. This is part 2 to that topic where we will focus on the next stages after the pursuit.
So in this article, I’m going to give you 3 insecurities men have about continuing a dating relationship and 3 insecurities about moving from dating to marriage.
1. Will She Cheat?
Once a man does commit to you in dating, he’s no longer worried about gaining your interest. Now he will he be insecure about losing your interest to someone else.
Unless the man has past relationship trauma that would make him hyper insecure here, you should be able to put him at ease by simply not playing with fire. Don’t spend time with other men alone. Even if you are not cheating, the doubts will begin to grow in his mind. And don’t say, “Well he should trust me.” He does trust you, which is why he’s dating you. But you will lose his trust if you make unwise choices.
Ephesians 5:3 (NIV) states, “But among you there must not be even a hint of sexual immorality . . .” Avoid even the appearances of unfaithfulness. A good man will hold himself to the same standard he is holding you to. He will be loyal to you. Don’t give him a reason to doubt your loyalty to him.
2. Will She Reject Me Once I Tell Her About My Past Porn Use?
This is a big one for Christian guys. Many men have emailed me to ask when and how they should tell their girlfriend about their previous porn addictions. Many women just can’t understand this issue and it freaks them out. Men know this, so they are afraid to say anything because they don’t want to be judged and rejected.
Unfortunately, it is a high statistical likelihood that you will end up with a man who has a history of porn use since so many guys have been affected by this issue. This is a big topic, so I can’t fully cover it here. But as a woman, if your boyfriend tells you about his past porn use, here’s a few quick tips:
- Don’t ask for a lot of details. There’s no reason to fill your mind with pointless information.
- Don’t be his accountability partner. He should have other men in his life who he can talk to about this on an ongoing basis.
- If he’s repenting now and not actively engaging in porn use right now, he can still be ready for a relationship with a woman in dating and marriage. It’s the man who is actively using now that is not in a good place for a relationship.
If the man has rejected his old nature and is now walking in the new nature (Ephesians 4:22-24), this is the most important fact about him.
For more on this, you can read my article called When, Why, and How to Talk About Past Sexual Sins with Your Christian Partner.
3. Does She Add Value to My Life or Am I Happier Alone?
A man fears a woman trying to change him. This is why his hobbies and work are such a big testing ground during the dating season for a man.
It’s not that he loves his hobbies or work more than this woman he’s dating. But if she disapproves of him still taking some personal time away from her to do other things he likes or if she complains about how much he works, he will see this as a direct accusation against his masculinity.
If you feel like he does spend too much time on hobbies and work and not enough time with you, be honest. But this might simply be a mismatch in desires that he’s unable to compromise on. Strong men do need time to themselves too. It’s not because they don’t want to be with you. It’s just that men often need alone time or time with other men to resharpen their masculinity, which is the very reason you like him anyways. If you take away the things that help him be a man, you will like him less in the long-run.
Additionally, these other things in his life reflect him as a man. When you reject these things, it feels like you are rejecting a part of him. Men are attracted to women who support their masculinity and help them feel more masculine, not less (Genesis 1:27).
Now let’s talk about the insecurities that hinder a man from going from dating a woman to marrying her.
4. Is She Just on Her Best Behavior Until Marriage?
Single men are watching videos from older men online who have been married, divorced, and lost everything in the divorce. She got the kids, she got the house, and she got his money. Young men are being taught to avoid marriage all together because of how corrupt the system is towards men in divorce.
Of course these men are only sharing one side of the story. I’m not advocating for either side here as each relationship has unique variables. However, I’m mentioning all of this because young men are being exposed to these warnings and they are hitting on fears these men already have had themselves.
Men worry about you changing once you two get married. And to be honest, many women (and men) do change once they get married. So really, the only solution here is for Christian men and women to find a partner who is so committed to Jesus that even when the marriage gets hard, the couple doesn’t turn on each other.
You can’t fake this (Romans 12:9). You have to be an authentic woman to attract an authentic man.
5. Will She Want to Have Sex with Me or Will It Be a Duty for Her?
Sex is really important to a man. It’s not that he just cares about your body. Rather, it’s that he expresses and receives love through a sexual experience with his wife (Genesis 24:67). A man therefore, will fear missing out on this blessing by being with a woman who just fulfills her marriage duty rather than truly wanting to have sex with her husband.
As a godly woman, of course you need to reject men who are trying to experience you sexually before marriage. But as a woman in a serious relationship with a man you are dating, you also want to find ways to let him know you would be excited to marry him and love him in ways that he craves as a man.
I’m not saying to engage in any crude sexual talk or intimacy before marriage. But he will sense if you are attracted to him or not. If you have barriers blocking you from seeing sex as a wonderful gift in marriage to show love, make sure you work on these with a counselor so you can experience what God wants you to experience in this area of your future marriage.
6. Can I Make Her Happy?
A man is not overly concerned with a woman making him happy. Rather, what he cares most about is being able to make her happy. If she never seems satisfied with anything he does, this will feed that insecurity in him that he is not able to make her happy (Proverbs 25:24).
But when a woman seems truly happy and satisfied when a man makes efforts to please her, this makes him want to please her more. This makes him want to marry her.