5 Biblical Signs You’re Crossing Emotional Boundaries Before Marriage

Whenever “boundaries in dating” are talked about, oftentimes we just think about sexual boundaries. However, it’s also possible to commit an emotional promiscuity with people you are not married to.

What does that look like and how can you avoid this? Here are 5 biblical signs that you’re crossing emotional boundaries with someone before marriage.

And while I’ll be talking directly to “you,” in this article, please note that someone could also be trying to do these things to you.

If You’re Making Commitments You Can’t Keep, You’re Crossing Emotional Boundaries

Ecclesiastes 5:5, “It is better that you should not vow than that you should vow and not pay.” This verse is in reference to making vows to God. But the principle remains for our human relationships as well.

When we make a commitment to someone that we are not prepared to keep, it puts pressure on the relationship and prevents us from growing with that person in a healthy way. Ironically, if we just slow down and don’t make promises, we are that much more likely to progress into a serious relationship with someone because we are then allowing the relationship to progress at a healthy rate.

Lastly, when we make promises to someone or they make promises to us, we end up living in a false reality. It’s a lot like a credit card. It gives you a false assurance that you possess resources you don’t actually possess; thus you make purchases you can’t afford and you get into debt. Likewise, when you make promises you can’t immediately fulfill in a relationship, you are giving each other a false assurance and thus tempting each other to give more than you should.

If You’re Talking About a Future You Haven’t Sacrificed to Receive, You’re Crossing Emotional Boundaries

As the old saying goes, “Talk is cheap.” While a dating couple should talk about the future to make sure they are aligned and headed in the same direction, they shouldn’t talk about the future in a way that makes them feel further down the road than they really are.

You don’t need to talk about what names you would like to give your future children, how you will spend Christmases when you get married, or what type of house you both want to live in one day. Work on the relationship and get married before you start trying to feel like you’re there already.

Also, talking prevents doing. It makes you feel like you’ve accomplished something when you haven’t. Make goals but talk about them as little possible. Work on your goals and make them a reality.

As Proverbs 10:19 (NLT) states, “Too much talk leads to sin. Be sensible and keep your mouth shut.”

If You’re Making Agreements in Your Heart that Have Not Occurred in Reality, This Means You’re Crossing Emotional Boundaries

An agreement is when you believe something in your heart that is not true or that is not true yet. Always live in the truth (1 Peter 5:8).

Don’t say, “I know this person is the one” until you have the tangible evidence that this person really is your future spouse. You’ll know they are actually the one on your wedding day.
Don’t say, “I know this person could never hurt me” when you’re in the exciting phases of a new relationship. When they do hurt you, you will be unable to forgive them because you idolized them and thought they were the perfect person; so now you will demonize them.
Don’t say, “This person hurt me in a way that I’ll never recover from.” When God seeks to bring you healing, you will be unable to move forward.

If You’re Asking This Person to Heal a Wound Created By Someone Else, You’re Crossing an Emotional Boundary

We all need The Savior, Jesus Christ. However, the temptation will be to ask other false “saviors” to bring the healing we desire.

If someone made you feel worthless, don’t ask another human to make you feel valuable. Only Jesus can validate you and remind you of the true worth he’s bestowed on you.

If someone betrayed you and now you have trust issues, don’t ask another person to be the perfect one who will never betray you. That mindset will just lead to more hurt. Only Jesus will be perfect towards us.

If you feel you lost something because of sexual sin, don’t ask another person to help you feel better by loving you sexually despite your sinful past.

Jesus alone is The Savior we need (1 John 4:14)

If You’re Beginning to Depend on This Person in Ways that Could Compromise You if They Left, You’re Crossing an Emotional Boundary

You should only fully open up once you’re married because only then have you two made the commitment to never leave each other (Mark 10:7-9). You may think you have made this commitment before marriage, but if you aren’t married yet, you haven’t actually made this commitment.

Until you are actually married, you need to leave space in your heart where you know this could still end. It’s your job to guard your heart (Proverbs 4:23). Don’t assume someone will always be there for you if they haven’t stood before the world and committed to always be there for you through the covenant of marriage.

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