5 Relationship Behaviors that Push the Holy Spirit Away (Without You Realizing It)

The Holy Spirit is not a human, but he is a person. This means he has desires that we can please or displease. As Jesus said in John 4:24, “God is spirit, and those who worship him must worship in spirit and truth.”

If we displease the Holy Spirit with our behaviors, the Bible says we can cause him grief (Ephesians 4:30). If you’re a true Christian, I’m not saying the Holy Spirit will leave you. However, as Christians, you can be more or less in step with the Spirit based upon your actions (Galatians 5:25).

Relationships with humans are a huge area where we can hurt or help our relationship with the Holy Spirit. So in this article, we will discuss 5 behaviors in regards to romantic relationships that can push the Holy Spirit away from you.

1. Whenever You Idolize Someone (or Relationships in General), You Are Pushing the Holy Spirit Away

To be in a healthy relationship with God, there must be no competition for the top spot in your heart. He will take second to no one. He can either be your one and only God, or you will displease him and push his presence away from you. The very first law in the Ten Commandments is, “You shall have no other gods before me” (Exodus 20:3).

Perhaps the most common idol for humans, sometimes without even consciously realizing it, is our relationships with other humans. If God has called you to marriage rather than to a life of singleness, you probably have a very strong desire for a romantic partner. This desire is good and given by God (1 Corinthians 7:7). However, when we start wanting a relationship with a human more than we care about our relationship with the Lord, this is idolatry and it pushes the Spirit away.

Romans 5:5 says, “And hope does not put us to shame, because God’s love has been poured out into our hearts through the Holy Spirit, who has been given to us.” Jonah 2:8 says, “Those who pay regard to vain idols forsake their hope of steadfast love.”

When we put human love over our love for God, we end up having no love at all. We need the Holy Spirit to fill us with his love so we have love to give. Everything breaks down when our worship gets out of order. Love God most. His Spirit then also helps us to love people too.

2. Tolerating Temptation that Is Coming Through a Relationship Will Push the Holy Spirit Away from You

There is a biblical difference between sinning and being tempted. Sometimes we cannot control being tempted. However, according to Scripture, we are always responsible for giving into sin and tolerating temptation for longer than we need to. 1 Corinthians 10:13-14 states:

No temptation has overtaken you that is not common to man. God is faithful, and he will not let you be tempted beyond your ability, but with the temptation he will also provide the way of escape, that you may be able to endure it. Therefore, my beloved, flee from idolatry.”

If a person is tempting you into sin, it is a sin to keep tolerating that person’s presence in your life. If you two both want to follow the Lord and stop being a temptation to each other, you can repent together. But if you just want to follow the Lord and this person just wants to follow their sinful cravings of their flesh, you will push the Holy Spirit away if you let this person remain in your life.

3. Giving Into a Relationship Temptation Will Push the Holy Spirit Away from You

Essentially, the act of tolerating a temptation for longer than you wanted is a sin of omission. It’s a passive sin that allows outside forces to act upon you. However, if you linger long enough in the presence of temptation, your sinful nature takes over and you will choose to sin. This is a sin of commission.

James 1:13-15 states, “Let no one say when he is tempted, ‘I am being tempted by God,’ for God cannot be tempted with evil, and he himself tempts no one. But each person is tempted when he is lured and enticed by his own desire. Then desire when it has conceived gives birth to sin, and sin when it is fully grown brings forth death.” However, 2 Corinthians 3:17 states, “Now the Lord is the Spirit, and where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is freedom.”

If someone is tempting you into some sort of sin, you are actually walking out of the presence of the Holy Spirit. This is what we all are really doing when we sin. Thank God for his grace! If you truly have the Holy Spirit, he will not leave you. But he will convict you. The proof of your true salvation will be seen in your repentance, not in your perfection. May we all follow James 4:8-10, which states:

Draw near to God, and he will draw near to you. Cleanse your hands, you sinners, and purify your hearts, you double-minded. Be wretched and mourn and weep. Let your laughter be turned to mourning and your joy to gloom. Humble yourselves before the Lord, and he will exalt you.”

4. Being a Temptation to Someone Else Will Push the Holy Spirit Away from You

Luke 17:1-3, “And he said to his disciples, ‘Temptations to sin are sure to come, but woe to the one through whom they come! It would be better for him if a millstone were hung around his neck and he were cast into the sea than that he should cause one of these little ones to sin. Pay attention to yourselves!”

God loves everyone just as much as he loves us. While he has great affection of us as his children, he will not spare the rod if we are tempting his other children to sin. If we want to avoid grieving the Spirit, we must be careful not to be a temptation to others.

5. Not Repenting of a Relationship Sin Is the Strongest Way to Push the Holy Spirit Away from You

I believe the unforgiveable sin is the sin you no longer want to be forgiven of (1 John 5:16-18). In other words, the sin that we accept, the sin that we love, the sin that finally stops us from repenting, that is the sin that proves we were never true believers in Christ to begin with (1 John 2:19).

If we are true Christians, the Holy Spirit will bless us with perseverance, which means we will not fall away and we will always repent of the sins we commit (1 John 1:8-10). So be careful you don’t choose a relationship over Jesus, because if you don’t repent of that sin, it would mean you are not a true Christian (Romans 6:2, James 4:4).

Thankfully, if you are a true Christian, while you may backslide for longer than you ever thought you would, the Holy Spirit will bring that loving conviction and not let you forsake him any longer (Hebrews 12:5-12). I love the doxology in Jude 1:24-25, which states:

Now to him who is able to keep you from stumbling and to present you blameless before the presence of his glory with great joy, to the only God, our Savior, through Jesus Christ our Lord, be glory, majesty, dominion, and authority, before all time and now and forever. Amen.”

Relationships please God when we use them for his glory (1 Corinthians 10:31). You don’t have to choose a relationship with the Holy Spirit or a relationship with a human. If God has called you to marriage, he wants you to pursue the presence of the Holy Spirit through your relationship with your partner. Together, you can please the Lord as a husband and wife, bearing the full image of God that a man and woman can only form together (Genesis 1:27).