As a woman, you know men are different than you. But how? And what about the process of falling in love? You know what you need before you can fall in love. But what about a man? If you want a man to fall in love with you one day, what are the things you should never do or say? And what are the things you must do and say?
It’s always a bit tricky when talking about romantic love from a biblical perspective because throughout the Bible, there are different types of love mentioned. The majority of the time, the Bible is talking about a Christian love that can be applied to all relationships. When it comes to romance between a man and woman, however, things get a bit murkier.
I believe there are levels to love between a man and woman. As two Christians, they can fully love each other in a general, biblical way. But for a man to “fall in love” and want to actually marry a woman, he needs to go through different levels of romantic love first. Therefore, to reach the highest level of romantic love, a man needs these 5 things from a woman first.
1. Before a Man Can Fully Fall in Love with a Woman, He Needs to Know She Wants to be Chosen By Him
A man doesn’t just want to be with the woman he wants. Rather, for a man to truly open his heart completely to a woman, he first needs to be totally convinced that this is what she wants too. If you gave a man a magical wand that could make any woman fall in love with him, he wouldn’t use it. He wants her to want to be with him. In other words, he needs to know she really desires him to choose her.
The very first lines of Solomon’s love song begin with the woman saying, “Let him kiss me with the kisses of his mouth! For your love is better than wine; your anointing oils are fragrant;
your name is oil poured out; therefore virgins love you. Draw me after you; let us run” (Song of Solomon 1:2-4).
If you want a man to fall in love with you, you have to be vulnerable when he pursues you. He needs to know you want this from him. I’m not saying you have to open up first. But you do have to open up. If you stay guarded until you know he fully loves you, he will never fully love you. For him to reach the deepest levels of love for you, he needs to know you want him to love you that deeply.
2. Before a Man Can Fully Fall in Love with a Woman, She Needs to Let Him See Some of Her Imperfections
A godly man knows he can trick himself. He knows he is prone to infatuation. He longs to be with a godly woman; thus, he knows a godly woman will be the easiest idol to replace God in his heart.
With that said, before he can trust his own love for a woman, he first needs to know that he knows about this woman’s imperfections. A man can’t trust a woman when she seems too perfect to be true. As a man who knows his Bible, he knows all have sinned and fallen short of God’s glory (Romans 3:23). Thus, he knows a woman who seems perfect is actually just a woman who has not yet opened her heart to him.
Metaphorically, I believe this is why the woman in Song of Solomon said, “Do not gaze at me because I am dark, because the sun has looked upon me. My mother’s sons were angry with me; they made me keeper of the vineyards, but my own vineyard I have not kept!” (Song of Solomon 1:6). She’s opening up to him. She’s showing him her insecurities. She’s telling him about the wounds of her past.
Infatuation can’t disappear until imperfections appear. I’m not saying you need to show him all your issues as soon as possible. And I’m not even saying that a man needs to know about every issue you have before marrying you. But a man does need to see some of your imperfections before he can trust you. And without trust, he can’t fully love you.
3. Before a Man Can Fully Fall in Love with a Woman, He Needs to Know She Views Him as Irreplaceable
A Christian man knows that some women feel they are running out of time to find a good man. They know some women are so desperate for love, they will settle for any man who pursues them. No man wants to feel like a woman would accept his pursuit regardless of whether it was him or not.
If a man feels like he could be subbed out in a woman’s life and replaced with a different guy, he can’t fall in love with her. As the woman says in Song of Solomon 2:3, “As an apple tree among the trees of the forest, so is my beloved among the young men.”
Therefore, to help a man know that you do see him as unique and irreplaceable, it’s not just about giving him attention. It’s also about not giving other men attention. The closer you two become, the more distant you should be from every other guy.
Of course, a man doesn’t deserve this exclusivity right away. As you progress together, however, you must make him know he is unlike any other man to you before he can know he should ask you to marry him.
4. Before a Man Can Fully Fall in Love with a Woman, He Needs to Feel Needed By Her
What a man wants the most from a woman is to feel like a man. The reason he is drawn to your feminine beauty is because it also highlights his masculine strength. A man never feels more like a man than when a beautiful woman shows him respect. And by beautiful, I’m certainly not limiting that to external beauty. Rather, a godly man wants to be needed by a godly woman with a beautiful character.
As the woman said to the man in Song of Solomon 2:5, “Sustain me with raisins; refresh me with apples, for I am sick with love.” Metaphorically, this woman is showing the man that she needs him.
When he knows you actually need him to be the man in your life because he can provide you with things you can’t provide yourself, he will fall in love with you. He wants to be a problem solver. Let him be what God made him to be – a provider and protector (Ephesians 5:25).
5. Before a Man Can Fully Fall in Love with a Woman, He Needs Her to Give Him Time to Trust His Own Feelings
The truth is, most godly men don’t need more time to trust the woman. Rather, usually, they need more time to trust themselves (Psalm 139:23-24). The last thing a godly man wants to do is hurt the woman he loves. Therefore, before he fully gives her all of his heart, he will be doing everything in his power to make sure he is ready to give her all of his heart.
This takes time, not only because he needs to test himself, but also because he knows he needs to give God the time to confirm his feelings to himself. A good Christian man won’t trust himself until he knows God has tested him and given him the green light.
