6 Reasons God Did NOT Spare You from Your Difficult Marriage

If you’re in a difficult marriage, why didn’t God stop this from happening in the first place? Why did he let you marry this person if he knew it was going to be so hard?

Here are 6 possible answers to that question.

1. God May Have Let You Enter Into a Difficult Marriage for Reasons You’ll Never Fully Understand

I will provide you with more concrete answers. But I believe we need to start here because without the humility to admit that we can’t always know why God does what he does (Isaiah 55:8-9), we will lack the foundation to know what we can (Proverbs 1:7).

In other words, when we demand answers, we rarely get them (Proverbs 3:34). But when we can choose to follow Jesus even if we never get the answers to our toughest questions, that’s often when the answers come (Isaiah 57:15, Psalm 138:6).

James 4:6, “God opposes the proud but gives grace to the humble.”

Thus, if you’re in a difficult marriage, you must be careful that your questions are not really accusations. Questions can deepen your walk with the Lord, increase your understanding, and build trust. Accusations, however, hurt your walk with God, they block your ears from hearing what you need to hear, and they fuel your doubt about God’s goodness.

Therefore, whether you ever understand why God allowed you to enter into a hard marriage or not, start with faith. Faith isn’t about having all the answers. Faith is knowing that Jesus is the answer (Job 13:15). A hard marriage is a terrible blow to endure on earth. But our hope can never rest in anything on this earth. Only Jesus can supply our souls with the deepest satisfaction and love we long for (Psalm 16:2).

God never promised us healthy marriages. He never promised us a life in which our wildest dreams are constantly met. However, he has promised us himself, which is what we need most. As Jesus said, “I have said these things to you, that in me you may have peace. In the world you will have tribulation. But take heart; I have overcome the world” (John 16:33).

We’ve started with the reality of mystery and the need for surrender. This is right. We have to humbly follow God in faith, knowing that he is good even when our circumstances are bad.

What follows are some more specific answers that could relate to your “why” question. I’m not saying these answers all apply to you. You’ll need to weigh and compare them with the facts in your life and marriage to see if they are relevant to your situation.

2. God May Have Let You Enter Into a Difficult Marriage Because He Lets Us Make Bad Choices

God is sovereign, a point that I will address later in this article. And God has also made humans with the ability to make good and bad choices that have good and bad consequences (Luke 7:30).

Thus, the simple answer for many people asking why God let them get into a bad marriage is that God let them ignore his warnings, live in sin, and reap the consequences for living in unbiblical ways.

Again, as I said earlier, I’m not saying this point applies to everyone in a bad marriage. But biblically, it’s always wise to look first at ourselves before placing the blame elsewhere (2 Corinthians 13:5, Matthew 7:3-5). Otherwise, we might be described by Proverbs 19:3, “A person’s own folly leads to their ruin, yet their heart rages against the Lord.”

Before blaming anyone else, always own what you can. I’m not saying you should blame yourself for things you didn’t do. But if you know you made unwise choices before marriage that led you to date and marry this person you’re with now, the sooner you own that, the sooner you can deal with the reality of the situation in the best way possible.

Just because your marriage is hard now and some of you may feel like your life is ruined because of your spouse, that doesn’t have to be true forever. Things can change. But when real changes happen in our lives, it usually starts in our own hearts first.

3. God Let You Enter Into a Hard Marriage Because Choice Is a Core Ingredient to Real Love

So many of our questions that start with “Why did God . . .” often come back to love.

Please don’t mishear my real point. I’m not saying that everything bad that happens is a direct expression of God’s love. There are countless things that have happened throughout human history that God hates. That’s what sin is. Sin hurts the sinner and the sinned against. God hates sin.

Rather, I’m saying the prerequisite for true love is choice. And when real choice is present, there is always an equal possibility for both love and hate. In other words, if God removed the possibility to hate, he would also be removing the possibility to love. Because God values true love over robotic obedience, there will always be the risk of loving not turning out the way you hoped.

Love is always a risk. And it’s a worthy risk to take. You chose to marry someone because you love them. But they have free will too. You didn’t make a mistake. You chose love. And that is always the right choice, even when it causes us pain.

Remember, God has also chosen to love people who didn’t love him back. If you’re in a hard marriage, you’re not alone. Jesus understands (Hebrews 4:15-16). No one paid a more painful cost for love to exist than Christ himself (Revelation 1:5).

The only way to live a pain-free life is to live a loveless life. And a loveless life is no life at all. As 1 Corinthians 13:1-3 explains, if we don’t have love, we have nothing.

4. God May Have Let You Enter Into a Hard Marriage So You Could Be a Witness to Your Spouse

According to 1 Corinthians 7:12-16, God uses believing spouses as witnesses to unbelieving spouses.

While your difficult marriage will create immense trouble for you on earth, just remember that if you act faithfully, you may be used by God to save your spouse’s soul from being in hell forever.

While your witness is an incredible sacrifice, your spouse’s salvation is worth it.

5. God May Have Let You Enter Into a Hard Marriage Because He Wants You and Your Spouse to Experience a Love Deeper Than You Could Imagine

According to Scripture, pain is often the path to pleasure (Hebrews 12:11). It’s very possible that God is allowing you and your spouse to struggle because the Lord is not content with giving you an okay marriage.

God always chooses the best for us, even when we wouldn’t choose the best for ourselves out of fear of what it would take to receive the best.

Stay faithful. God can turn your mess into your ministry. The road you’re on now might be used by God to help others later. Perhaps your marriage is so hard because God wants to use your marriage to help other struggling couples once you two find the healing and solutions you need (2 Corinthians 1:3-5).

If you and your spouse are both willing to follow the Lord, repent, grow, and do whatever it takes to love each other and put Christ first, it’s very likely that your terrible marriage will one day be transformed into a better marriage than you can even imagine (Ephesians 3:20-21).

6. God Let You Enter Into a Hard Marriage Because He Is Sovereign and Worthy to Be Trusted

There are many more possible explanations we could discuss as we try to answer this question about why God let you get hurt in a difficult marriage. Maybe all of the points applied to you so far, or maybe none of them did.

Either way, perhaps the most important thing to remember when we ask hard questions like this is that no matter what happens, God is sovereign and worthy of our trust (Psalm 131:1-3). We won’t always find the answers we want. We won’t always know why God allowed certain things to happen or didn’t allow certain things to happen. But as Christians, we must submit to the truth that God is in control and loves us even when life doesn’t make sense.

Notice the order of the sentences in Proverbs 3:5-6, “Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make straight your paths.” It doesn’t say God will first make your path straight so you’ll then be comfortable enough to trust him. It states that trust always comes before clarity. If we’ll only follow God once everything makes sense, we’ll never follow him, and we’ll miss out on the good he has planned.

Think of Joseph. Abandoned, betrayed, and left for dead. And yet, in the end, God had a purpose. It took decades of faithfulness for Joseph to see that purpose. But in the end, God’s plan for Joseph’s pain was revealed, “As for you, you meant evil against me, but God meant it for good, to bring it about that many people should be kept alive, as they are today” (Genesis 50:20).

So while it can be helpful to ask these types of hard questions, if you haven’t found the answer you were looking for in this article, I hope you were at least reminded of the bigger, more important truths about God’s sovereignty and love for you (Romans 8:28).

Job’s wife told him to curse God and die (Job 2:9). May we never allow our hardships, no matter how confusing, to lead us to do such a foolish thing. Rather, may we do what Job 1:20-22 states:

Then Job arose and tore his robe and shaved his head and fell on the ground and worshiped. And he said, ‘Naked I came from my mother’s womb, and naked shall I return. The Lord gave, and the Lord has taken away; blessed be the name of the Lord.’ In all this Job did not sin or charge God with wrong.”

You may also like: