How will God tell you who to marry? What are the signs that God is highlighting your future spouse to you? And when you sense God revealing “the one” to you, what will that feel like?
These are all really important questions, and I’ve made a lot of articles and videos to help you answer those types of questions from a biblical perspective. Today, however, I also want to talk about some common pitfalls that arise when you’re trying to figure out who God is leading you to marry.
Therefore, here are 4 dangers when you start to believe God actually told you to marry someone.
1. When You Think God Told You Who to Marry, You Can Hold onto the Wrong Person Way Longer than Is Necessary
Many Christians have a particular love story in mind before they even meet their future spouse. For example:
- Perhaps a young Christian growing up in a conservative church dreams about marrying the first person they date in life.
- Perhaps a woman imagines marrying a man with a particular career or income level.
- Perhaps a man dreams of marrying a woman who has a specific appearance.
These aren’t sinful desires, but if we begin to idolize them, they can tempt us to mishear God. When you meet someone who seems to match what you have always wanted, you might mistake your personal desires for the voice of God.
And then, when you think God said, “That’s the person you will marry one day,” you might try to hold onto this person far longer than wisdom would lead you to. For example:
- Maybe they never show mutual interest in you, but you wait years for their feelings to change because you are holding onto this promise you think God gave you.
- Maybe you do start dating them, but then you start seeing all kinds of red flags. However, instead of breaking up, you try to make it work because you think God said they are the one for you.
- Maybe you two do break up, but then you try again and again to get back together because you can’t let go of that voice in your head saying, “They’re the one.”
While you certainly should seek to hear who God is telling you to marry, you must first really understand how God will actually tell you who to marry. While you should sense the Spirit’s personal leading in your mind and heart, this will never be the only sign God uses to tell you who to marry.
First, God will use the Scriptures (2 Timothy 3:16-17). If the relationship isn’t biblical, God will never lead you into it.
In addition to being biblical, it should also be wise (Ephesians 5:15-17). Wisdom is applying knowledge in a discerning way. If a relationship simply doesn’t make sense, it’s very unlikely God is actually behind it.
While you should sense the Spirit’s leading when you pray, you must also then look at the circumstances happening in reality. God is sovereign. When he says something, he makes it happen (Isaiah 55:11). So if it’s not happening, God didn’t say it (Deuteronomy 18:22).
Many Christians know these things, but they try to hold onto what they think God said about someone by waiting longer. They say, “Sure, that person isn’t a Christian now, but they could be one day,” or “They don’t like me yet, but their feelings could change.”
While that is true, it’s equally true that someone never gets saved and never likes you back. God calls us to live in reality while the devil tempts us to live in the fantasies of our own minds (1 Peter 5:8).
2. When You Think God Told You Who to Marry, You Can Become Very Passive and Waste So Much Time
When you think God said, “That person is the one,” your fears often use it as justification to just sit and wait. Instead of interacting with that person, you reason, “Well, God told me we will get married one day, so I don’t need to rush it.” Instead of exploring other healthy romantic options, you say, “I don’t need to expose myself to that risk. God already told me who I would marry.”
Perfectionists are often also procrastinators. The fear of making a mistake tempts them to not start what they know needs to be done. When you want your love story to be perfect, you often look for reasons not to do anything because if you do, you risk making a mistake.
That mindset flies in the face of biblical advice like Ecclesiastes 11:6, “In the morning sow your seed, and at evening withhold not your hand, for you do not know which will prosper, this or that, or whether both alike will be good.”
Thinking you know the future prevents you from making wise choices in the present.
3. When You Think God Told You Who to Marry, You Might Be Submitting to Your Fears Rather than Living in Faith
Many people think they are choosing the highest form of faith by always asking God, “What will happen next?” In fact, however, this is a very low expression of faith. When you constantly need God to tell you what will happen before you take a step in the present, it shows you lack faith.
Faith isn’t about knowing the future. Faith is about following God in the present even when you don’t know the future (2 Corinthians 5:7).
Ironically, constantly asking God if you’ve just met the one is a sign of fear, not faith. Faith will lead you to take the next wise step rather than needing to know the end of the story before you’ve even taken one step on the journey.
4. When You Think God Told You Who to Marry, You Might Get Mad at God When He Doesn’t Do What You Thought He Would
Sadly, instead of simply accepting that they heard God wrong, some people get mad at God for not fulfilling what they think he promised them. They shake their fists at God and say, “Why didn’t you give me that person? You promised you would!”
Some even turn from the faith when God doesn’t give them the relationship they thought he promised. This is a sign that person wasn’t really loving and following God. Rather, they simply wanted God to be their genie. They didn’t want to follow God. They wanted God to follow them.
Proverbs 19:2-3, “Desire without knowledge is not good, and whoever makes haste with his feet misses his way. When a man’s folly brings his way to ruin, his heart rages against the Lord.”
If you want to avoid these pitfalls while still knowing how to actually hear who God is telling you who to marry, here’s a three-part video series called 3 Ways God Will Reveal The One to You.
