Are you just being overly cautious because you’ve been hurt in the past, or is God really trying to warn you about a woman?
One particularly disturbing example of an evil woman in the Bible is Herodias. Herodias was married to Herod, and her influence over him eventually contributed to the murder of John the Baptist. While your interactions with single women obviously won’t look exactly like Herod and Herodias, there are principles we can learn from this story.
Here are four warning signs the Holy Spirit might use in your life to protect you from an evil woman.
1. If She Hates People Who Lovingly Challenge Her, God Is Warning You
John the Baptist confronted Herod and Herodias because their relationship was sinful. Mark 6:18 says, “For John had been saying to Herod, ‘It is not lawful for you to have your brother’s wife.’”
John wasn’t attacking Herodias because he personally disliked her. He was speaking the truth about something God had declared to be wrong. And Herodias hated him for it. Mark 6:19 says, “And Herodias had a grudge against him and wanted to put him to death.”
This is a trend with toxic women. They absolutely hate correction. Therefore, they absolutely hate those people who stand for truth. And to take it a step further, they really despise those people who stand for truth and have the authority to say something about the lies or sins she is promoting.
Therefore, if she has a lot of resentment towards the church, a pastor, or even her own father, this is something you want to learn more about. Sometimes Christian leaders can give correction in an ungodly way. So I’m not saying you should automatically assume that her complaints against spiritual authority figures aren’t valid. But if she really hates these men simply because they loved her enough to correct her sin and tell her the truth, then she is toxic.
Now you might say, “Well, what does that have to do with me? Why should I care if she’s mad at those spiritual authority figures in her past?” If you’re just playing games and want to date her for worldly reasons, then yeah, you’re probably with the right woman. But if you’re looking for a woman who can become a biblical wife, you should look for evidence that she can be submissive and follow you as the spiritual leader of the home.
If she hates others who have tried to lead her spiritually in the past, it’s only a matter of time before she will hate you too if you’re a godly man.
2. If She Wants You to Compromise Your Convictions, God Is Warning You
Herod knew John was a righteous man. Mark 6:20 says, “For Herod feared John, knowing that he was a righteous and holy man, and he kept him safe.”
But Herod still compromised because he allowed Herodias to get her claws into him. During a celebration, Herodias’ daughter danced before Herod and his guests. Herod became so pleased that he made a foolish promise, “Whatever you ask me, I will give you, up to half of my kingdom” (Mark 6:23). Then she asked her mom, Herodias, what she should ask for. Herodias wanted John the Baptist’s head on a platter. Herod was distressed, but because of his oath and because of the people watching him, he gave the order.
You might think you would never choose a woman over God. But if you give her enough time and influence in your life, eventually she will wear you down. The wrong woman won’t necessarily tell you, “Stop following God.” Rather, she may simply make obedience harder.
- Maybe she pressures you to compromise your sexual boundaries.
- Maybe she continually encourages you to prioritize the relationship over your other godly responsibilities.
- Maybe she’ll slowly separate you from your brothers in Christ.
You need to pay attention when a relationship repeatedly puts you in situations where you have to choose between keeping the woman happy and keeping your conscience clear.
A woman who loves God should want you to obey God. She shouldn’t be asking you to become less obedient to Christ for her sake.
3. If She Uses Manipulation to Get What She Wants, God Is Warning You
Herodias didn’t just ask Herod for John’s head. Instead, she helped create a situation where she could force him to do what she wanted. While it was the daughter and Herod on the chessboard, it was actually Herodias moving the pieces (Mark 6:24-25).
A healthy woman can tell you what she wants. She can disagree with you. She can express her emotions. She can even be disappointed when you say no. But she won’t use her cunning or physical beauty to manipulate you into saying yes.
Pay attention if a woman regularly uses guilt, threats, silent treatment, emotional outbursts, jealousy, pressure, or other underhanded tactics to control your decisions.
4. If Your Regrets Are Stacking Up the Longer You Stay with Her, God Is Warning You
Sometimes a guy gets stuck with a woman because he feels he’s already disappointed God so much that there’s no point in trying to make things right now. That’s faulty thinking because while you may have regrets that you can’t do anything about, you can always create more regrets if you don’t change your ways.
Look at what happened to Herod. After Herodias’ daughter asked for John the Baptist’s head, Mark 6:26 says, “And the king was exceedingly sorry.” Herod knew he had made a terrible choice. But because Herod was godless, he still didn’t repent.
Maybe you already have a ton of regrets for allowing this woman to mess your life up so much already. Don’t let defeatism be your MO. Don’t get good at giving up.
God’s warriors are not perfect men. They have many regrets. But the difference between a man of God and a man who wastes his life is that godly men repent when they know they’ve screwed up.
Admit your wrongs. Own them. Accept your regrets. You can’t change the past. But guess what? You can still make more mistakes if you don’t make the changes you regret not making in the past. If you still have breath in your lungs, you still have time to create more pain for yourself by keeping this woman in your life.
Follow God and let her go. The faster you obey the Lord, the faster he can heal you from your mistakes, grow you as a man, and give you the good gifts he wants to give you through his grace.
As John the Baptist said, “Repent, for the kingdom of heaven is at hand” (Matthew 3:2).
