4 Discreet Ways God Is Preparing You for a Loving Marriage

I’ve written many articles in the past about how God will prepare you for marriage.

Today, however, I want to focus on some ways God prepares you for marriage that are less commonly recognized and discussed among Christians.

Therefore, here are 4 subtle ways God is preparing you for a loving marriage.

1. If God Is Teaching You How to Prioritize Him Even When Your Life Is Super Busy, This Is a Good Sign God Is Preparing You for Marriage

Sometimes the greatest barrier to God’s best for us is the many good things in life. As Oswald Chambers wrote, “The great enemy of the life of faith in God is not sin, but the good which is not good enough. The good is always the enemy of the best.”

Marriage is very good (Genesis 1:31). Yet it is not the very best. God is the very best. And since he always wants the best for us, he always wants us to worship him alone with our time, talents, and treasure. Psalm 89:15 (NIV), “Blessed are those who have learned to acclaim you, who walk in the light of your presence, Lord.”

Marriage is good when it helps our walk with God. When marriage replaces our walk with God, it ends up doing more harm in our life than good. And the truth is, if you don’t prioritize God amid the busyness of singleness, you won’t be equipped to prioritize God once you get married.

It’s easy to dream about connecting with God with your future spouse. However, in reality, putting God first in marriage requires work, self-discipline, and structure. When you combine your life with another adult, you two will be even busier than you are right now.

Therefore, if God is teaching you how to prioritize him even though you are super busy in life, this is a great sign he’s also preparing you for marriage.

2. If God Is Teaching You How to Appreciate People Even When Their Flaws Have Become Painfully Obvious, This Is a Good Sign God Is Preparing You for Marriage

One very underrated skill in healthy marriages is the ability not to label someone in overly general terms. For example:

• When your spouse struggles with anxiety, and this makes it very hard to plan anything with them because of their fear of committing to future obligations, the temptation will be to label them by their anxiety. However, just because they do struggle in that area doesn’t mean they aren’t thriving in other areas.
• Sometimes certain people are just bad in disagreements. Day-to-day, however, they are very loving, kind, thoughtful, and pleasant to be around. But if you label them as toxic because they do act toxic in those brief moments of disagreement, you will miss out on the 95% of good times you could have. Even if they apologize and want to work on disagreeing better, you won’t be able to move on if you label people too broadly.

While it might seem obvious not to label people because we all know how complex each person is, choosing not to label someone is actually a skill you need to develop through practice. For example:

• Perhaps you have a family member who is really wishy-washy when it comes to making plans. However, perhaps that person is actually very helpful during times of crisis. They might not show up to the family party you planned months ago because they double-booked their calendar. But, if a crisis happens, you know they would be the first person you would call.
• Or maybe you have a boss who gets really stressed when quarterly reviews come around. During that season, she starts blaming everyone for things she did wrong. However, once that stressful season passes, she is actually a very good boss, praising you for your hard work and being very understanding about time off.

The point is, if you are learning to acknowledge people’s flaws while also acknowledging their strengths (1 Corinthians 12:21-25, Romans 15:1-2, Galatians 6:2), this is a powerful ability that will really benefit you later in marriage.

3. If God Is Teaching You How to Work with People to Accomplish a Common Goal Even Though You Have Different Ideas, This Is a Good Sign God Is Preparing You for Marriage

Sometimes two people want the same thing, but they have different ideas on how to best accomplish this common goal. This dynamic pops up all the time in marriage. For example:

• You may both want to prioritize your marriage amidst your busy schedules. However, you may both desire different things in the free time you do have to spend together.
• You will both want to take care of the material possessions God has blessed you with. However, one of you may like to work as you go while the other person might like to let the work build up and then tackle it all at once.
• You will both want to raise children in the Lord. However, you might have different views on how to best encourage and discipline your children.

It’s not easy to work with other people. If it’s always your way or the highway, your marriage will become fractured and ineffective. You need to learn the skill of compromising.

For example, when you are forced to give a little so you can take a little when you’re working with others on a team project, you’re developing your compromising muscles. Or if your siblings want to celebrate the holidays one way but you want to do it another, and then you all find a happy medium that everyone can live with, you’re developing in this important area.

So if you’re learning to get things done with other people who are different than you (Ephesians 4:1-7, Romans 12:16-18), then you’re also being prepared to thrive in marriage one day (Ephesians 5:33).

4. If God Is Teaching You How to Communicate Your Frustrations in a Non-Offensive Way, This Is a Good Sign God Is Preparing You for Marriage

Sometimes the root problem in a marriage is not the one the couple is talking about, but the way they are talking about it.

Even the best of marriages will experience moments of frustration, miscommunication, and disagreements. None of these issues have to become things that separate you from your spouse. Problems usually pull two people apart when they lack the ability to communicate with each other in non-offensive ways.

This is a skill that needs to be developed. Can you talk to your boss without crashing out and quitting? Can you communicate to a family member how their words hurt you without using hurtful words back to them? Can you talk about theological differences during small group without getting heated and defensive?

When the Lord is teaching you to communicate in a self-controlled way even when your emotions are high (Proverbs 15:1, Colossians 4:6, Ephesians 4:15), this is a strong sign that he’s also preparing you to thrive in marriage one day.