10 Biblical Dating Tips for Singles 40+

Regardless of age, there are many biblical principles that can help you find the right person to marry. The same truths in Scripture apply to everyone.

However, the application of these principles is where things must change if you are an older Christian single person. Therefore, here are ten biblical dating tips for Christian singles over 40 who want to be married one day.

1. Be More Intentional than When You Were Younger

When you were younger and social, you naturally formed emotional connections with other singles, which led to relationship opportunities. There was an element of being intentional, but it was masked by the normal rhythm of socializing. It didn’t feel like work. But you were, in fact, doing work to meet other singles.

This same principle applies when you get older, but you have to apply it differently. Just being social in traditional Christian environments doesn’t work as well anymore because there are fewer eligible singles around.

So, in addition to being social, you have to be intentional about meeting other Christian singles your age; otherwise, you will probably never meet anyone in your regular day-to-day life.

Online dating is not an absolute requirement. But personally, I have seen older singles have more success if they are proactive online rather than just randomly trying to meet other older Christian singles in life.

Galatians 6:9, “And let us not grow weary of doing good, for in due season we will reap, if we do not give up.”

2. Cast a Wide Net Rather than Focusing on One Person

As you get older, you become very aware that your options are limited. This can often make you hyperfocus on just one person because you think they are your only option.

If the relationship is progressing in reality, not just in your mind, there’s nothing wrong with focusing on this one person. However, just waiting is a huge mistake when you get older. You really don’t have as much time to play it slow.

So rather than focusing on one person, it’s wiser to have a wider vision until things really get serious with one person.

Ecclesiastes 11:6, “In the morning sow your seed, and at evening withhold not your hand, for you do not know which will prosper, this or that, or whether both alike will be good.”

3. Choose to Enjoy the Process

Casting a wide net can be exhausting for some people. It feels like a waste of time to go on a bunch of dates with people you won’t end up marrying.

However, to get the results you’re hoping for, you have to find ways to enjoy this process.

• Have a friend you can debrief with.
• Learn to laugh about bad dates.
• Be open-minded, even if you think you won’t like someone.
• And even if you know there’s no potential, choose to enjoy a date with another adult for the experience it is.

If you get too stressed out by little interaction with people, you won’t be as proactive as you’ll need to be to find an older Christian single person.

Proverbs 17:22 (NLT), “A cheerful heart is good medicine, but a broken spirit saps a person’s strength.”

4. Stay Consistent

Being slow and steady is way more powerful than being intense but unsteady.

When you are younger, the rhythm of your normal social life allowed you to consistently meet other singles. That consistency was key. Relationships take time to build.

When you’re older, it still takes time to build relationships. Therefore, you have to be very intentional about maintaining consistency. You have to be consistent in being around other singles, which might require a lot of online dating for longer than you wanted.

And then when you meet someone, you need to be consistent in communicating and connecting with them. If you don’t, you two will never build a connection.

Proverbs 14:23, “In all toil there is profit, but mere talk tends only to poverty.”

5. End Things Quickly When You Know It’s Not Going to Work

To balance all this advice about consistency, it’s also important to end things sooner than you did when you were younger.

When you were younger, it made more sense to doubt yourself. You were less experienced, you didn’t have as much discernment, and you feared making a mistake by leaving someone you should stay with.

However, as an older person, you should trust yourself more since you have more experience and greater discernment (hopefully). Hebrews 5:14, “But solid food is for the mature, for those who have their powers of discernment trained by constant practice to distinguish good from evil.”

If you know it’s not going to work with someone, just end it so you can focus your energy elsewhere.

6. Move Faster When There’s Potential

Just as your maturity and greater discernment should help you move on faster, so too should it help you move forward faster.

The courting mindset works much better for younger Christian singles. The safeguard of being friends for a long time in the beginning before courting helps younger Christians avoid mistakes because they lack experience.

However, as a mature adult, you should have a greater ability to know what you want and who possesses those qualities. If you find someone you’re really connecting with, don’t be afraid to move faster than you did when you were younger.

Proverbs 13:20, “Whoever walks with the wise becomes wise, but the companion of fools will suffer harm.”

7. Examine Your List and Compromise Where You Can

As you get older, it can be frustrating because you may feel there are fewer relationship options. And of course, that is true. While there are options out there that you just need to find through being intentional, it’s also true that there really are fewer options.

We can’t change that reality. However, one thing you can change is yourself. The fewer requirements you have, the more options you have. Of course you need requirements, both biblical and personal. But the truth remains, the more requirements, the fewer options.

Therefore, as you get older, it’s wise to take a hard look at your list of requirements for a partner and make sure there’s nothing there that you could compromise on. Ask yourself, “Would giving up [blank desire] be worth it if I could get married?”

In other words, if you would only want to be married if the person had that quality, keep it on your list. However, if you would rather be married even if they didn’t have that thing, then keep it off your list. The shorter your list, the more likely you are to find someone to be happy with.

Romans 12:18 (NLT), “Do all that you can to live in peace with everyone.”

8. Pursue Passions and Include Others

Another important relationship fact that doesn’t change with age is that you must share common interests to connect with someone. People who like similar things end up connecting.

That sounds obvious, but as you get older, it’s easy to get so hyper-focused on your singleness that you forget the other important elements that are needed to form a relationship.

Therefore, you have to keep pursuing the other passions God has given you. Those other passions can actually be bridges to other people who also have those passions. If you aren’t pursuing your passions, it will be very hard for you and someone to have anything to relate over.

Philippians 2:1-2, “So if there is any encouragement in Christ, any comfort from love, any participation in the Spirit, any affection and sympathy, complete my joy by being of the same mind, having the same love, being in full accord and of one mind.”

9. Increase Your Agreeableness Where You Can

The truth is, the older we get, the easier it is for us to get stuck in our ways. We’ve tried a lot of things already. So we know what we like and don’t like. We’ve formed a lot of our opinions already because we’ve already done the research.

This is good. We know who we are. But this can also make it hard when you’re trying to bring someone new into your life. If you don’t make room for each other, it’s not going to work. You both must be willing to change your lives to form a new life together if anything is going to progress.

This must happen more and more as the relationship deepens. When you first meet someone, small changes to your life are acceptable. Changing your routine to meet them. Trying a different restaurant. That kind of thing. As the relationship deepens, you’ll need to change much more serious things, such as where you live, which churches you attend, and who you spend your time with.

If you don’t want to change, that’s okay. But just know that change is required if you want a new person in your life.

While two older singles have probably already left their father and mother, the principle of needing to leave the former to form something new remains (Genesis 2:24).

10. Be Bold in Making Changes and Leave the Results to God

Big picture, if you want different results, you have to do different things. Doing the same thing will result in getting the same outcomes.

If you’re older and you want to meet someone, you have to try something different. And once you do, you have to be consistent and keep doing different things until something works.

This can be stressful. The key is to leave the results to God.

1 Corinthians 3:7, “So neither he who plants nor he who waters is anything, but only God who gives the growth.”