God, You, and The Lonely Chapters

Anyone who wants their life to change in a dramatic way has to go through “the lonely chapters.”

I remember the moment when my life changed forever. Others were in the room with me. But to them, it was a moment that seemed totally insignificant. But to me, on the inside, I knew my life would now never be the same. This moment is burned into my memory.

This was almost ten years ago. I was a pastor at the time. I worked hard to get that position. I had served as a volunteer for years in this church. I went to seminary and earned my master’s degree. I went through a period of testing by the elders where I was hired on staff but not made an official pastor yet. And then, finally, I was ordained by the church. But in one seemingly mundane staff meeting, I was hit with a message from God. And I knew I was going to be leaving that church and the pastorate sooner rather than later.

What happened? Well, to put simply, I was hit with the realization that the head pastor, my mentor at the time, was not the person I thought he was. I suddenly became conscience to the fact that I could no longer follow this man. What happened in that meeting wasn’t criminal or profoundly abusive. Rather, this man was simply rude to me. He disrespected me in a way that I had seen him do to others many times before. But when he was rude to me, instantly my blinders were removed. I’m ashamed to admit it, but in selfishness, I could subconsciously overlook how he had treated others. But now I personally felt this man’s character, and it wasn’t a good feeling. I could no longer deny what I knew to be true of him. I was then flooded with memories of this man showing little missteps that revealed his lack of character.

That moment let to an investigation where I started asking more questions, which led to an abundance of clear evidence that I was right about this man. In fact, it ended up being a lot worse than I thought. I won’t share the details of all the bad things I discovered because it’s really not useful or needed. The past is the past. The only reason I’m talking about this now is because that moment led me into “the lonely chapters” of my life.

I had been through different lonely chapters before this. When I was in high school, for example, I was rebelling against God. I had surrounded myself with friends who loved me and who I loved too, but they did not love God. And I wanted to start loving God again. I tried to bring them with me, but none of them wanted to come. And so, I knew I had to leave them behind. I had to enter into the lonely chapters.

And again, once I knew I had to leave that church and the pastorate, I knew I was going to have endure a lot of loneliness. To be clear, I wasn’t totally alone. Many others left that church with me. I was already married and had two children. But still, I had to leave my career behind, my ministry, and many people who were my support system but who now saw me as their enemy because they couldn’t face the facts about what our church had become.

When I left the church and the pastorate, it felt like I was back and ground zero. Everything I had worked for was now gone. My income, my ministry, my church family. All of it. Gone. Just like that. But, through those lonely chapters, something new was birthed. While working various jobs to pay the bills, I started writing and making videos in every spare moment I could find. And God used that to start this ministry, AGW.

Looking back, while immensely painful, I can honestly say that the lonely chapters of my life were also some of the most important parts of my life. Without them, I would never have developed enough to meet my wife. I never would have developed enough to be able to do this ministry. And I certainly would not know God like he has revealed himself to me.

Anyone who wants their life to change in a dramatic way has to go through “the lonely chapters.” So let me ask you:

• Are you tired of getting into short-term relationships that start out hopeful but always seem to end with more tears?
• Do you want to meet a godly man or woman that you can share the rest of your life with?
• Is your current friend group dragging you down and tempting you into sin?
• Do you feel empty inside, like you just want more out of life than you are currently getting?
• Do you worry you’re wasting your life but you want to leave a legacy behind you, but you don’t know how to get there?

If this is you, it’s highly likely God is leading you into the lonely chapters of your story.

While others have talked about “the lonely chapters” before, I’ve never seen someone talk about it from a biblical perspective. And yet, throughout Scripture, there are many examples of God leading certain people marked for greatness into this important but difficult season.

I want to explore this topic with you today because for many of you, this is exactly what you need to go through to receive the life, relationship, and fulfillment you have been asking God for.

What Are “The Lonely Chapters” and Is God Leading You There?

“The lonely chapters” is a phase of life where people know they need to leave their old community, a destructive environment, or a relationship that’s not God’s will so they can grow and blossom into what they want; and yet, they have also not discovered their new tribe, they haven’t learned the way to thrive in a new environment, or they haven’t found the godly spouse the Lord does want for them.

In short, they are growing enough to where they know they need to move forward out of the community they are in, but they also have not yet become the person who is ready for the new community they will be a part of one day. Like a young lion who’s not ready to lead his own pride and yet he’s big enough to be a threat to the alpha of his old pride, he has to strike out on his own even though he’s not totally ready. But if he never leaves, he’ll never be ready, and those around him may kill him.

And so, when this season is coming, we are presented with a choice. We can turn back to what we know we need to leave just so we are not alone, or we can leave the old and head into the unknown by ourselves. Most of us turn back. Most of us are unwilling to go through the loneliness. Most of us of feel the fear of the unknown ahead and turn around. And this is why most of us never get to experience the life and love we’ve always longed for.

Most don’t suffer from the pain of trying and failing. Rather, most end up suffering from the more painful experience of realizing they failed to try at all. They were unwilling to step into the unknown, and so they die with the devils they have grown comfortable with rather than the ones they are afraid they might need to face.

But for a select few who are willing to endure this season of loneliness and pain, on the other side of the chasm, they find the life they’ve always longed for. If we want that life, we have to cross this chasm to get there. As Jesus said in Matthew 16:24-25 (NLT), “If any of you wants to be my follower, you must give up your own way, take up your cross, and follow me. If you try to hang on to your life, you will lose it. But if you give up your life for my sake, you will save it.”

Is God leading you into these lonely chapters? One way you can answer this is by asking yourself, “What do I want?” And then ask yourself, “What needs to change for me to receive what I want?” If you know your current path does not lead to the end destination you are longing for, it means you need to head out onto a new path. And so, this usually requires you to start alone.

If you wait for others to start with, you will probably never start. If the life and love you want are not where you are at, if they are ahead of you, they are not going to come back and get you. You need to move forward to where they are.

Think of Moses. When he was a young man, he had a passion to see his people freed from Egyptian slavery. And yet, in his immaturity, he was unable to fulfill this longing. Before God could use Moses to lead his people out of Egypt, Moses had to leave Egypt himself. And he did it alone. No one came with him.

And yet, along the way, God gave him the love and community he needed. When he left Egypt, that’s when he met his wife Zipporah and his father-in-law Jethro (Exodus 2:11-22), both of whom had a positive impact on Moses’ life and ability to lead Egypt (Exodus 4:24-26, Exodus 18:1-27).

Think of Joseph. God would eventually call him to lead his family and save many from the coming famine. And yet, before he was ready for that, God allowed his brothers to betray him, to sell him into slavery, to serve in a prison, to arise as Pharoah’s chosen leader, only to then be restored with his family to provide them what they needed during the famine (Genesis 5:20).

Think of David. Before God allowed him to be king of Israel, God allowed him to be chased by Saul out into the wilderness alone. But along the way, God brought him fellow warriors (1 Samuel 22:1-2). And through these lonely chapters, God matured David so he was then ready to be king when the time was right.

Think of Mary. Before she would be celebrated as the virgin who was chosen to give birth to Jesus, she first had to be questioned by her community for showing up pregnant. And yet, while she was in her lonely chapters, God sent her to Elizabeth to provide her comfort (Luke 1:39-45). God allowed Joseph to trust her and stay with her (Matthew 1:18-25). And in the years to come, God gave her the blessing of seeing Jesus provide us all with the community we need through creating the church (John 19:25-27).

So is God leading you into the lonely chapters? If you want something you don’t have and the people in your life don’t want what you want, it’s highly likely God is calling you into this season of life.

But why? Isn’t there a better way? Don’t we all need community? Didn’t God make some of us to need a spouse? Why does he require some of us to endure such a hard season?

4 Benefits to The Lonely Chapters

1. The Journey Prepares You for the Destination

I hope you don’t have to go through “the lonely chapters.” Some people are blessed with a community that can support them immediately as they leave the old behind. But if you do have to start your journey alone, just know it won’t last forever.

Remember, this season is called “the lonely chapters.” It’s not called “the lonely life.” Never embrace the lone-wolf mentality. We were not designed for that. When you’re alone, you may fight valiantly, but you will always die quickly. The point of this seasons is to go through a metamorphous that actually leads you into a new community, a new relationship, or a new calling. It’s not meant to be a permanent season of life.

Thus, you have to keep moving forward. Even if you have to do it alone for a while, do it. Eventually, if you keep reading and applying the Scriptures, the Holy Spirit will lead you to “your people” who will also be reading and applying the Scriptures like you (Acts 9:26-31).

The reason you have to do this alone, if that’s what’s required, is because the journey you start alone is the same journey others must start alone too. But on the journey, you will meet your fellow travelers. If you never start it alone, you may never meet those God has for you.

2. If You Never Remove the Old, It Will Always Contaminate the New

Before God gives you a new loaf, he removes anything from your old life that might spoil it. 1 Corinthians 5:6-7, “Do you not know that a little leaven leavens the whole lump? Cleanse out the old leaven that you may be a new lump, as you really are unleavened.”

If you don’t go through the lonely chapters but you were to then receive the blessing you want, the unhealthy people, places, and things still remaining in your life will ruin what you’ve received. 2 Corinthians 6:14-18 says:

Do not be unequally yoked with unbelievers. For what partnership has righteousness with lawlessness? Or what fellowship has light with darkness? What accord has Christ with Belial? Or what portion does a believer share with an unbeliever? What agreement has the temple of God with idols? For we are the temple of the living God; as God said,

‘I will make my dwelling among them and walk among them, and I will be their God, and they shall be my people. Therefore go out from their midst, and be separate from them, says the Lord, and touch no unclean thing; then I will welcome you, and I will be a father to you, and you shall be sons and daughters to me, says the Lord Almighty.’”

If you never push through the lonely chapters and you always return to your old comforters, you will never experience the life and relationships your heart is longing for.

3. The Lonely Chapters Increase Your Faith

While these chapters are lonely, they are also scary because you’re aren’t totally sure your sacrifices will result in the outcomes that you desire:

• What if not going out with your old friends to the bar anymore doesn’t result in you finding new friends who want to pursue Christ with you?
• What if rejecting those worldly men or women who you could hook up with doesn’t end with you finding the Christian spouse you’ve always wanted?
• What if you sacrifice your weekends to work on your passions and don’t get to socialize with all those people who want to see you and the business still never takes off?

Faith isn’t about seeing the future. Faith is about walking forward with God through the unknowns. There’s no guarantee that when you step into the unknown with God that what you expect to happen will happen. But through this season of facing your fears and still moving forward in the Lord, God will grow your faith.

And as you keep walking faithfully with the Lord, the Bible promises good things will happen. They may not be the good things you expect, but good things will happen (James 1:12, 25).

4. Through the Lonely Chapters, You Will Realize You Are Never Alone

These chapters strengthen your walk with God in ways like no other season can. Not only will these chapters help you see that God himself is the treasure you need most, but you will also need God to thrive in what he has planned for you.

• Even if you meet the person God has destined for you to marry, if you and that person are not putting God first, that relationship will become painful rather than pleasurable.
• Even if you finally get plugged into a church that supports you and gives you the spiritual home you’ve always longed for, if you are putting Christians above Christ, you will never have healthy connections with those Christians.
• Even if God gives you the business or ministry you’ve been trying to build for years, that success will rot your soul from the inside out if you are not humbly walking with the Lord.

The lonely chapters are crucial for many of us because they teach us we are never truly alone. God is always with us. And he alone provides us with the love we need most.

Hebrews 13:5-6 states, “. . . for he has said, ‘I will never leave you nor forsake you.’ So we can confidently say, ‘The Lord is my helper; I will not fear; what can man do to me?’”