How a Man Falls in Love with a Woman (Biblical Relationship Advice)

From a biblical perspective, I think the term “fall in love” is a bit unwise. However, I’m using it because it’s the language our culture understands in reference to the process of a man and woman progressing towards marriage.

But to be clear, in Scripture, love is a choice, it’s a commitment, and it’s rooted in actions. With that said, Scripture also talks about different forms of love, including romantic love. And when it comes to romantic love, there should be an emotional response too.

So I’m using this term “fall in love” to refer to the emotional side that goes beyond Christian love for all people. Thus, if you are a Christian woman who wants a godly man to fall in love with her so you two can glorify God in marriage one day, here are 6 things you should know.

1. When a Woman Enhances the Sources of Joy the Man Is Already Experiencing, This Makes Him Fall in Love with Her

If you are looking for a man who can’t be happy without you making him happy, you are setting yourself up to be in an unhealthy, codependent relationship. You want a healthy level of dependency in a Christian relationship. But codependency crosses the line and requires the couple to be the primary well of happiness in each other’s lives.

A healthy Christian man is not looking for this. He should not have a black hole in his life that he’s looking for a woman to fill. He should already have a healthy Christian community, good friendships, and purposeful work in his life that he feels God’s pleasure with.

In short, a man like this is looking for a woman to partner with (Genesis 2:18, 1 Peter 3:7). He’s not looking for a woman who comes in and changes his life completely. He wants their lives to fit together rather than needing either of them to change everything to be together. Compromise will always be necessary, but a good partnership requires deep correlations that already exist before the two become one (Genesis 2:24).

So rather than changing his life, he will fall in love with the woman who enhances the good already in his life.

2. When a Woman Respects a Man’s Non-Relational Attributes, This Makes Him Fall in Love with Her

If you’ve been in the church or consume Christian content about relationships, I know that you know that a man wants to be respected by a woman (Ephesians 5:33). However, what is often glossed over is the focus of respect that a man craves from a woman.

In other words, for a man to really feel loved and to then fall in love with a woman, he wants to feel respected by her for certain reasons. You may respect him for how he talks to you, how he listens to you, and how he makes you feel emotionally. This is really good and that’s important. He wants to feel respected for his relational efforts with you.

However, he also wants to be respected for the things that he values about himself. When a man respects another man, the focus is not usually on relationship qualities. Rather, men respect other men for their work ethics, for their strength, for their abilities to lead, for their abilities to provide, for their knowledge about their careers, and so on (1 Corinthians 16:13, 2 Timothy 2:1-7).

Likewise, if you can express how much you respect him for his non-relationship attributes that are important to him as a man, this will light a fire in him for you. Most women only value men for the things women value. If you can show this man that you value him for the things that he values about masculinity, he will usually fall in love with you.

3. If You Are Physically Attracted to Him, This Makes Him Fall in Love with You

It’s not a groundbreaking statement to say that physical attraction is important to men. Yes, it’s important to women too, but there is a different emphasis in a man. What needs to be remembered, therefore, is that we often receive love best in the ways that we want to give love.

If your love language is giving gifts, you not only love to give gifts but to also get gifts. If your love language is acts of service, you not only love to serve but you also feel appreciated when someone helps you.

Thus, since a man wants to be attracted to the woman he marries, it will also be important to him that she is attracted to him. For attraction to be at its highest, it has to be mutual. If a man is attracted to a woman but he knows she is not attracted to him, this fact causes him to lose attraction for her.

When you read through the Song of Solomon, for example, there is a back-and-forth expression of physical attraction for each other.

4. When a Woman Can Accept that His Emotions Are Different than Hers without Trying to Change Him, This Makes Him Fall in Love with Her

Sure, in some cases a man really is suppressing his emotions in unhealthy ways. And it’s also true that a man needs to express himself to a woman because she needs to know how he feels in order to feel connected to him. She doesn’t just want him to know how she feels. She needs to also know how he feels. So a man should express himself.

But a woman who needs a man to want this same thing like she does often pushes the man away. He will feel unaccepted and feminized because that need in her for emotional expression is just not as strong as it is in him. Men and women are different (Genesis 1:27). Thus, a man and woman must both consider the other person’s desires without needing them to want the same things.

5. If Your Responses to His Good and Bad Behavior Are Reasonable, This Will Make Him Fall in Love with You

A good Christian man is not a perfect man. Thus, he wants a woman who won’t pretend he’s a saint when in fact he is being a jerk. A good man needs a woman who can lovingly correct him by allowing his wrong behavior to affect her in the ways that it should (Proverbs 15:1).

In other words, if a man is mean but you just pretend he is nice, he will lose respect for you. He will know he shouldn’t stay with you because he knows he’s unworthy of this unchecked power in the relationship. He needs a woman to help him stay accountable. He doesn’t want to be the only one in the relationship making sure he is behaving properly. He knows he needs to be married to a woman who can be offended and hurt when he does things that are offensive and hurtful.

On the other hand, he also wants to be with a woman who shows the proper gratitude and appreciation for the sacrifices and good things he is doing. He wants a woman who respects him when he deserves to be respected for the love and care he is providing (Ephesians 5:25-30).

In short, a man really wants to be with a woman who makes emotional sense to him. He wants her to make him feel bad when he treats her bad and he wants her to make him feel good when he treats her good. Thus, he wants to be with a woman who responds to him in reasonable and healthy ways (James 3:17).

6. When You Allow Yourself to Need Him, This makes Him Fall in Love with You

He knows you don’t actually need him in the codependent sense. He knows you could survive without him because you’re a strong person. But when you allow yourself to need him, he feels appreciated and loved by you.

The thing that makes him most happy in the relationship is making you happy. He doesn’t need you to provide, protect, and pursue him like he wants to do for you. Rather, he just wants to be respected and valued when he does these things (Ephesians 5:33).