4 Ways a Good Christian Wife Loves Her Husband

Ephesians 5:22-33

What does the Bible say about a Christian wife loving her husband? What does a husband need that only his Christian wife can bless him with?

In the article 4 Ways a Good Christian Husband Loves His Wife I discuss how a husband and wife are both called to love each other but they do so in different ways. In Ephesians 5:22-33 we are taught that the wife reflects the church and the husband reflects Christ in the Christian marriage. Therefore the expressions of love will be different.

A Christian wife has a special opportunity to love her Christian husband in a way only she can. In this article we will discuss 4 ways a wife can express her love for her husband in ways he really needs from her.

A Christian Wife Shows Her Love for Her Husband Through Respect

When you read through Ephesians 5:22-33, you can see the special emphasis on a wife showing her love for her husband through her respect. Respecting your husband does not mean you treat him like God, do everything he says, or do not make any decisions without first consulting him. Respecting your husband means you value his leadership enough to allow him to influence you and serve you in positive ways.

Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. ²³ For the husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself its Savior. ²⁴ Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit in everything to their husbands. . . . ³³ However, let each one of you love his wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband.” (Ephesians 5:22-24, 33).

For more on what “submit” and “respect” mean, you will want to read/watch Complementarianism in Context and 4 Ways a Good Christian Husband Loves His Wife. In short, however, to respect means to place in proper order. God has commissioned a husband to lead his wife. Christian leadership is nothing like worldly leadership. A Christian leader is called to be the servant and to sacrifice himself for those he leads (Mark 10:42-45). So when a husband is called to be the “head of this wife” he is really called to die for her like Christ died for the church (Ephesians 5:25).

While a husband loves his wife through putting her first in a sacrificial way, a wife must love her husband by respecting his Christian leadership and allowing him to lead her in these ways. Christ shows his love for the church by sacrificially leading her and the church shows her love by respecting Christ. The same is true in a Christian marriage.

A Christian Wife Shows Her Love for Her Husband Through Her Support and Belief In Him

As John Eldredge pointed out in his book Wild at Heart, every man is asking the question, “Do I have what it takes?” Only God can really answer this question deep in the man’s heart. But a wife has a special ability to affirm the strength of her husband.

A wife can show her love for her husband in a special way because above everyone else in the world a husband wants to know if his wife believes in him and trusts him to come through for her. I’m not talking about these things in ultimate ways. Of course God is the only one who will never fail her and who she ultimately needs. But if a wife believes her husband will fail, will not do what he needs to do, and is incapable of leading her well, then this will cut a husband deep in his soul.

So if a Christian wife really wants to make her husband feel loved, she needs to make sure he knows that she believes in him, trusts him, and supports his leadership.

A Christian Wife Shows Her Love for Her Husband By Being Vulnerable with Him

The more vulnerable you are with someone the more love you can transfer to that person. Marriage is supposed to be one of the most intimate relationships because love passes through the bonds of intimacy.

If you have a distant relationship with your husband, if you put up walls to keep him out, or if he feels you are guarding yourself against him, he will not feel your love. The tricky part is that some husbands have lost their wife’s vulnerability for very good reasons. If a husband has been harsh, verbally abusive, or has not shown his own love for his wife, then a Christian wife will not be able to be vulnerable. She needs to guard her heart too (Proverbs 4:23).

But when a husband has repented of sins and has shown he is ready to handle her heart but she still refuses, the marriage will stall until she is willing to be vulnerable with him again. So if you really want to love your husband, you must learn to be open, honest, and intimate. Love is always a risk.

If a Christian Wife Wants to Love Her Husband Well, She Must Offer Him Forgiveness and Grace for His Poor Leadership

There are so many ways a husband and wife can express their love for one another. But in closing, a Christian wife will need to show her love for her husband through her forgiveness and grace for his poor leadership.

Every husband will misuse his leadership or mishandle his wife’s heart to some degree. Certainly some husbands will blow it worse than others, but no human is without sin. This is why being a wife is so difficult. Unlike Christ and the church, you are called to follow an imperfect leader. All symbols and analogies have their limits. The symbolism of Christian marriage breaks down when you consider the sinfulness of the husband.

A wife, just as much as a husband, will be called upon to love her husband just as Christ loves his church. Christ forgives us all and offers us grace when we fail. He does not abandon us and he does not keep a record of our wrongs. He does not hold our mistakes over our heads forever. Rather, when we fail but repent he forgives us and restores our relationship with him.

Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant ⁵ or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; ⁶ it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. ⁷ Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. ⁸ Love never ends.” (1 Corinthians 13:4-8)

Likewise, a wife will need to love her husband by forgiving him and offering him grace when he fails as a husband. When he does not reflect Christ as he should, she will have her greatest opportunity to show the depth of her love for him.

I can honestly say I’ve never felt more loved by my wife than when she has forgiven me of my sins against her.