If you’re unsure about God’s will regarding you and someone else, here are 4 things the Lord may be instructing you to do.
And if you want to do a really deep study on the topic of knowing who to marry, you may enjoy my book, The One: How to Know and Trust God’s Sovereign Plan for Your Future Marriage.
1. If You’re Unsure About God’s Will for You and Someone, Don’t Try to Hear a Yes or No. Rather, First Focus on Being Fully Surrendered
I’m not saying it’s wrong to ask God to give you a clear yes or no about someone. Rather, my point is that it can be very hard to accurately hear what God is trying to say until you are truly prepared to hear him say anything, even something you don’t want to hear.
It’s okay to hope God says yes about someone. And it’s even okay if you kind of like someone, but you are also hoping the Lord says no, so you can just move on and let it go. Whatever you honestly feel about this person is not wrong. It only becomes a problem when you want to hear a certain answer more than you want to truly submit to God’s will.
When you put pressure on yourself to hear a certain answer from God, oftentimes, all you will hear is silence. And if you do hear an answer, even if it’s the answer you want to hear, you will struggle to trust you are really hearing God and not just your own thoughts, because deep down you know there’s a lack of surrender.
However, when you know in your heart that you are fully surrendered to the will of God, regardless of what he says or doesn’t say, you are then in a much better position to hear the Lord accurately.
It should be no surprise that when Jesus taught us to pray, he began with the words, “Our Father in heaven, hallowed be your name. Your kingdom come, your will be done, on earth as it is in heaven” (Matthew 6:9-10).
2. If You’re Unsure About God’s Will for You and Someone, “Try On” the Different Possible Answers in Prayer
After you have spent time fully surrendering yourself to the Lord, it can help to do something others have called “trying it on.” This is a process of sitting before the Lord in prayer, “trying on” the possible answers the Lord might be giving you.
For example, when you’re unsure about God’s will for you and someone, you could prayerfully ask, “Lord, are you giving me a yes?” And then you sit for a few minutes (or longer) sensing in your spirit how the “yes” feels. Does it feel right? Is God behind it? Is there peace? Or is there an unsteady feeling in you? Anxiety? Like God may not be saying that?
However, don’t stop there. Regardless of how the “yes” felt in prayer, now ask, “Lord, are you giving me a no?” And then go through the same process, sitting before the Lord, sensing how this no feels.
Usually, after trying on a few possible answers from the Lord, you can get a sense of which one the Lord might actually be saying to you.
And you can even get more specific. Depending on the situation, you could try on possible answers like:
- “Wait longer for this person,” followed by, “Move on from this person.”
- “Ask her out on a date,” followed by, “Do not ask her out on a date.”
- “Talk to him more so he senses your interest,” followed by, “Do not reach out and just see what he does.”
Colossians 3:15 states, “And let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts . . .” The Greek word for “rule” is brabeuō and it derives from brabeus, meaning “judge” or “arbitrator,” and originally referred to umpiring athletic competitions and awarding prizes.1
Paul urges believers to let Christ’s peace serve as the referee in all their conflicts, decisions, and dealings with one another.4 The image isn’t of peace as a dictator imposing decisions from above, but as an arbiter whose judgment guides choices.
Practically, this means when examining a planned action in light of God’s word, if you can proceed while retaining Christ’s peace in your heart, do it with confidence. But if the action requires sacrificing that sense of peace and blessing, don’t pursue it.4
3. If You’re Unsure About God’s Will for You and Someone, Ask God for What You Want and See What Happens
While we certainly should pray for directions, it’s also important to realize that what happens after we pray is God’s direction. In other words, when you believe that God is sovereign over everything, you can pray, see what happens next, and then determine if God has said no or yes. For example, 1 John 5:14-15 states:
And this is the confidence that we have toward him, that if we ask anything according to his will he hears us. And if we know that he hears us in whatever we ask, we know that we have the requests that we have asked of him.”
Since it’s true that God answers prayers with a yes when they are in alignment with his will, then it’s also true that we can recognize his will by praying through different paths and then watching how he responds. So prayer becomes a process of spiritual discernment: not forcing outcomes, but presenting possibilities and observing which ones God blesses. Over time, his responses clarify his will.
Therefore, if you are unsure about God’s will, start asking the Lord for very specific things regarding this person. You could pray, “Lord, if you want me and this person to be in a relationship one day, please give us more opportunities to spend time together.” Or, “Lord, if you don’t want me with this person, please help me and this person not see each other so much.”
While this method is not foolproof, as we must still make choices and not solely rely on circumstance to reveal God’s will, this is a very powerful practice.
Ask and then see what happens! You will learn a lot about God’s will for you!
4. If You’re Unsure About God’s Will for You and Someone, Just Do Something
When all else fails, I believe it is absolutely biblical to just start doing things to see what happens. Of course, we must always obey the moral commands in Scripture. But if you are doing something that is not unbiblical, and you don’t sense the Lord’s personal conviction in your heart telling you not to do it, then by doing things, you will gain valuable information.
For example, if you’re unsure about God’s will for you and someone, you could go on a date with them. You don’t have to hear God tell you this is the person you will marry before going on a date with someone. You could just go with an open mind and see what happens. At the end of the date, if you enjoyed it and you felt like there was a godly connection, perhaps God will lead you to pursue this more. If it was not a great experience, the socializing was a struggle, or you saw spiritual red flags, that too is valuable information.
When Jesus sent out the seventy-two in Luke 10:1-11, he didn’t tell them exactly where to go. Rather, he said, if a town received them and was receptive, they should stay there. But if a town rejected them and didn’t want to listen, they should move on.
Likewise, when in doubt, just do something! God will guide you as you move forward in faith!
For more biblical guidance on knowing the will of God for your relationships, you may enjoy my book, The One: How to Know and Trust God’s Sovereign Plan for Your Future Marriage.
