Ephesians 1:11
Here are 3 confusing things God will often use to help you know you’ve met the one he wants you to marry one day.
1. When You Meet The One, God Will Let You Date This Person But Then He Will Purposefully Let You Have Doubts During Your Season of Dating
Many people use this phrase “the one” in a different way than I use it. When I use this phrase, I’m not referring to a “soul mate” or “the perfect one” that will complete you. I’m not saying that everyone can only marry one person, as widows for example can remarry. What I’m referring to when I use this phrase “the one” is the person God has planned for you to marry.
Yes, you are free to make your own choices and your personal choices have consequences. But throughout the Bible there is an undeniable reality that in God’s sovereignty he has a plan and a will that always happens (Ephesians 1:11). So to be theologically consistent, we have to conclude that if God has a will for everything, this “everything” must also include our relationships. For more on this, you may want to read my article called What Does the Bible Say About The One?
It’s important to distinguish this definition about “the one” because many people feel like when they have doubts in dating that this is an automatic sign this person is not the one God wants them to marry. If you believe God is telling you to wait for your other half, your soul mate, or this person that will fit you perfectly in every way, you will always remain single because that person does not exist.
In fact, during the dating season, I believe God often intentionally allows you to have doubts about this person and your future together as a way of bringing you the clarity you desire about this relationship. If you just always felt this person is the one and you never have any doubts, you will often lack the motivation to seek God passionately about his will for this relationship. Then when hard times come later on, you will wonder if you made a mistake by marrying this person because you didn’t diligently seek the Lord’s confirmation.
But when you have doubts in dating, this causes you to passionately seek the Lord for his will to be done in your life. And then when the Lord finally does give you clarity through his word, the Holy Spirit leading you, and the circumstances in your life – you will know that you did not force this relationship to happen. You will know it was truly God who led you to get married. Notice in Acts 17:11-12 how the Bereans behaved:
Now the Berean Jews were of more noble character than those in Thessalonica, for they received the message with great eagerness and examined the Scriptures every day to see if what Paul said was true. As a result, many of them believed, as did also a number of prominent Greek women and many Greek men.”
When you don’t truly study the Scriptures and seek the Lord’s wisdom, you end up having issues later on. But when you examine the Scriptures with eagerness and don’t just blindly follow what you hope to be true, you end up having a clear faith. These principles apply to relationships too. You have to eagerly seek the Lord’s will, and oftentimes you won’t do that unless you have doubts.
So to get you to ask him the right questions, God often lets you experience doubts so you will come to him to find the answers he wants to provide to you about this person.
2. When You Meet The One, God Will Often Purposefully Let This Experience Be Different Than You Had Dreamed It Would Be
Life would never have any confusing moments in it if God was in the business of adapting his will to our dreams. But that’s not what God does, therefore life will often be very confusing. The confusion vanishes, however, when we start intentionally loosening our grip on what we think should happen and start opening our hands to the blessings God has planned to give us.
This is one of the reasons God so often lets people’s journey towards meeting the one be so different than they expected. Yes, there are some rare instances where you will hear about a couple who met, dated, and married in a way that they always expected it would happen. But far more often when you listen to a married couple’s story, there are many unexpected twists that neither of them could have expected.
You may think you are going to meet the one at church, but perhaps you meet the one through online dating. You may think you are going to marry someone of a certain race, but God may lead you to marry someone who looks very different than you expected. You may have thought you would marry someone older than you, but perhaps God will lead you to marry someone younger than you.
My point is, at first, you will probably be very confused when you start getting to know the person you sense God leading you to date and then marry one day because this person and the whole experience won’t match your dreams.
As Jesus taught us to pray in Matthew 6:9-10, “Our Father in heaven, hallowed be your name, your kingdom come, your will be done, on earth as it is in heaven.” Jesus taught us that our main priority must be to bring honor to God’s name. Prayer is not meant to be a time where we beg God to bring honor to our name. Jesus told us to pray that God’s will would be done in our lives, not that we should plead that God would make our will happen in our lives.
So when you meet the one, don’t expect it to be like you expected. This may be confusing at first, but in the end you will be grateful you accepted God’s plan because it’s always better than our plans.
3. When You Meet The One, God Will Provide You Peace in the Midst of All the Confusion
One thing’s for certain, we can’t predict the future, nor should we try. It’s wise to prepare for the future to the best of our ability. It’s wise to look for the evidence God is sending that is meant to let us know what God wants us to do. But in the end, we must always accept that a life lived for God will require a deep faith.
If you knew the future you would not need faith, and if you did not have faith you would have no opportunity to trust God. So my point is, expect your future, including your relationships in the future, to be confusing.
But we must also remember what 1 Corinthians 14:33 explains, “For God is not a God of confusion but of peace.” Yes, life will be confusing, but when God is leading you forward, his presence will produce peace. God won’t cause you to be confused, but he will allow life to be confusing because he wants you to live by faith in him.
But again, his peace will be present when you are following his path. While we may have hoped that meeting the one would be marked by a total lack of confusion, that’s probably not what is going to happen when you truly do meet the one God has for you one day. But if you are following God’s will, he will give you peace about it in the midst of the unknowns.