Here are 3 signs God is preparing you to overcome your fear of abandonment.
1. If God Is Showing You that You Often Run First So Others Will Not Be Able to Leave You, This Is a Sign God Is Preparing You to Overcome Your Fear of Abandonment
The first step in any healing process is to acknowledge the wound is actually there. So if the Lord is helping you finally acknowledge you do actually have a fear of abandonment, this is also a good sign the Lord is preparing you to overcome this fear.
One of the ways God often reveals this issue in us is by pointing out that we are oftentimes the ones who actually run away first from a relationship opportunity because we are so afraid of being left by this person. To avoid the fear of someone leaving you, you just leave first as a way of minimizing the damage that could happen if you truly got connected to this person. It’s a very common defense mechanism in relationships to avoid getting hurt by someone you love by choosing not to love anyone to begin with.
The fears we have in our hearts often manifest in the precautionary actions we take in relationships. You can often even see this in people’s online dating profiles. When you read someone’s online dating profile and they are listing everything that they don’t want in a partner, you are basically just reading a list of all the ways this person has been hurt in the past. Listing all your “don’ts” in an online dating profile is basically like you just telling everyone who reads it, “Hey, this is what I’m still afraid of because I’ve been hurt here in the past.”
This then keeps healthy people away from you because they do not want to be judged through the lens you’re seeing them through because of your past relationships. They want to be judged by their actions rather than by the actions of someone who hurt you in a previous relationship.
When we read John 8, we are given a story that shows us this principle about how humans often project their own fears onto others. Jesus was shown a woman who had been caught in adultery and the crowd was trying to trap Jesus because under the law she was to be stoned. But in John 8:7 Jesus responded with, “Let him who is without sin among you be the first to throw a stone at her.” All these people were ready to judge this woman because they were afraid of focusing on their own sin.
Likewise, sometimes our actions are really a reflection about the fears we have inside of us. So if you are running away from people before they can run away from you, God could he showing you this so you can bring your fear of abandonment to him and be healed.
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2. If God Is Showing You that the Reward of Love Is Greater than the Fear of Abandonment, This Is a Sign God Is Preparing You to Overcome This Issue
To overcome your fear of abandonment, you don’t need to no longer ever feel fearful about being abandoned. In other words, victory over this issue will not always mean that you will never feel this fear of being abandoned again.
What it does mean is that you will no longer allow this fear to control your life anymore. Overcoming a fear of abandonment means you will choose not to respond to this fear like a puppet on a string anymore. It means that even when you are fearful, you will still do what God is leading you to do in your life. We must not take unwise risks. We certainly must guard our hears as the Bible instructs us to do (Proverbs 4:23). But we must also not be ruled by fear even when we feel that fear creeping up again. Avoiding certain feelings is not always possible. But it is possible to avoid being controlled by those feelings.
One way to avoid being controlled by your fear of abandonment is to look ahead to the reward you will receive if you do reject unholy urges and fears. As Hebrews 11:23-26 states:
By faith Moses, when he was born, was hidden for three months by his parents, because they saw that the child was beautiful, and they were not afraid of the king’s edict. By faith Moses, when he was grown up, refused to be called the son of Pharaoh’s daughter, choosing rather to be mistreated with the people of God than to enjoy the fleeting pleasures of sin. He considered the reproach of Christ greater wealth than the treasures of Egypt, for he was looking to the reward.”
We have to choose faith over fear. Faith in God will cause you to overcome all fear associated with people. Moses’s parents defied the king’s order to let their son be killed because they were focusing their faith on God and not man. Likewise, Moses was able to reject the fleeting pleasures of sin and not fear the trials in his life because he looked ahead to the reward in Christ.
Likewise, these same principles about faith can help us overcome all forms of fear. God will help you overcome your fear of abandonment by giving you the faith to look ahead to the reward he provides when we obey his command to love.
3. If God Is Showing You that You No Longer Need to Fear Abandonment from People Because You Know God Will Never Leave You Nor Forsake You, This Is a Sign God Is Preparing You to Overcome This Issue
Ultimately, the only way you will truly be able to overcome your fear of abandonment is if you find your security in the one person who will truly never leave you – God himself.
No matter how good someone treats you, no matter how many biblical qualities you see in a person, and no matter how many times someone has showed you they will never abandon you, the fact remains that this person is not able to bring you security like God can. No human, even very mature Christians, will ever be able to show you the same level of faithfulness as God can. While a strong believer will not commit adultery on you or actually leave you if you get married, they will still sin against you at times. If you are trying to find your security in another human, when that human shows you their sinfulness, your fear of abandonment will always flair up.
Only God can give us that perfect security that we crave. Even the best of people sin, all people eventually die, and things happen in this life that are often outside of our human control. Only God is perfect, only God is eternal, and only controls everything by his power. Our hearts were made for God, and until they find their rest in him, they will find no rest at all.
God will help you overcome your fear of abandonment by helping you embrace the truths found in Hebrews 13:5-6, “. . . for [God] has said, ‘I will never leave you nor forsake you.’ So we can confidently say, ‘The Lord is my helper; I will not fear.’”
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